Hello, Papabear,
Been a long time since I last wrote and I wonder if you will remember me. But that's beside the point. I'm righting today because I want your opinion on something. I'm 26 and currently living my parents. But I'm thinking ahead a bit to when I live on my own. Thanks to my past I've grown to dislike my birth name. Specifically, I was bullied up through high school which led to the dislike of my first name. And my relationship with my father is iffy at best, a verbal war at worst, which has led to the dislike of my last name. When I first joined the fandom in 2009-2010, it really helped cheer me up from the hardships of my past. A lot of my good friends (all furries, but still) refer to me by my fur name rather than my birth name. My question for you is, when I move out, is it odd for me to want to legally change my name to my fur name? I feel that doing so will make it easier to forget how bad my past has been. I appreciate your response. Kumori Urufu * * * Dear Kumori, There’s an old saying: “You can’t run away from your past.” Changing your name will not help you to forget the past. However, I understand what you are saying. There are many reasons to change one’s name: getting married, getting divorced, getting adopted, having a sex-change operation, and so on. Trying to start your life anew is also a legitimate reason. I do know of a couple people who are friends of mine who have had their last name changed because they had unpleasant memories of—in particular—their fathers. So, to answer your big-picture question: no, it is not “odd” to change one’s name for personal reasons. The next issue is what to change your name to. Your current name (which I will not reprint here) sounds like that of a male of Italian-American background. Your furry name, Kumori Urufu, if I have this right, means “Shadow Hippo” in Japanese. Well, whatever it means exactly is not so much the point as the fact that it is Japanese, and I suspect you do not look Japanese. You should prepare yourself as to how this would affect you socially and in the workplace. People will constantly be asking you why you have a Japanese name when you are obviously not Japanese. (And in the furry community might get you accused of being a weeb, although being fascinated by Japanese culture is common in the fandom.) If you are okay with that, then fine. But if you are dead-set on changing your name, I would recommend you think long and hard about what you are changing your name to before you do so. The actual process of changing one’s name legally is not too difficult, especially if you hire a service to help you out, such as NameChangeInc.com, which offers this service to adults for only $65. It is important to change your name legally so that your identity can be tracked for things such as social security, taxes, employment, etc. The good news is that if you, say, years later, decide you have made a horrible mistake, you can change your name back again. Hope this answers your question. Bear Hugs, Papabear
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Hello,
I have a strange issue: I have fallen in love with a fursona/fursuit. I really like the person that is the creator of this character. When I see them, or are close to them, I feel like a teenager again. I feel my cheeks flush, and feel something stirring inside of me I thought was dead. When they are with me, I feel proud, like that guy who has the most beautiful girl in the room. I feel like I am in a bad SoFurry story. I know this isn't right. I have told them about my feelings. Sadly, I love the person on the inside, but not romantically. I feel my feelings for the character may cause the person to feel I am romantically attracted to them. It makes me feel horrible, and I am afraid I will hurt their feelings, and that will just kill me. I do not know how to reconcile this in my head, since I know it is all fantasy, even though I wish it was real. Thanks. Xela (age 55) * * * Hi, Xela, Thanks for your letter. Question: what is it about the fursona that you really love? Is it just the appearance, or something more? Papabear * * * I will be honest. There are several things. Lookswise, I am immediately attracted in several ways. Someone I would love to be seen with, I find the attraction in my heart, I feel so up to be with her. And as much as I hate to admit it, she turns me on, as well. If anthros were real, I would do anything in my power to be her mate. Also, the hugs are magnificent, and she treats people so good, and has a great outlook. I realize the person inside has this component, but my mind makes all of this one package. When we are apart, I can rationally think this. When I am with her, my heart beats faster, my temperature goes up, and I just want to hold her. Like a teenager in love. I hope this helps show my thinking. Thank You! Xela * * * Hi, Xela, Sounds like you are attracted mostly to the appearance of the fursona. This is not at all an unusual phenomenon, and it happens not just in the furry fandom but across the board with fictional characters (cf. http://www.themarysue.com/the-psychology-of-fandom/). People often become enamored by characters and then associate that character with the actor who plays them, and it can be difficult to disassociate the two. An extreme example might be someone falling in love with Captain Kirk and then having feelings for William Shatner, even after discovering that Shatner, in real life, is, well, kind of a big jerk. You say you really love the fursona, and even though you like the person who created it, you don’t actually love them. You’re worried you might somehow be leading them on, but has she ever expressed any emotions toward you? My guess is no and that you are worrying about nothing. Now, if she behaved as if she was falling in love with you, you might have a problem and have to have a sit-down with her, but unless she does that, I would just say continue as you are and have fun with it. Since you aren’t deluding yourself that the fursona is real and you could somehow have a genuine romantic relationship with it, you must have a solid grasp of reality, and that’s great. You should be less hard on yourself and less fretful that this is all so so serious. It isn’t. This is all fantasy, and you acknowledge that. So have fun with it! There is actually nothing wrong with indulging in a little fantasy, allowing yourself to get twitterpated over the sexy, huggable, friendly furry and just be happy with that. Who knows, you might also gain some experience in having a healthy relationship in the real world, such as getting lots of practice with hugs and displays of affection and kindness. My advice, in conclusion, is to just enjoy the moment; don’t worry about the girl inside falling in love with you unless she actually does; and just be happy and furry. Hugs, Papabear Hi,
While I was googling why I was changing my fursona, I came across your lovely website. I've wanted to ask you, how can I have a more permanent fursona? Everytime I change, I feel bad and people are like "Thal, are you serious, you changed again?" I do it, since I get this sense of ennui from having to force myself into a role. I'm also afraid of having to have a fursona that's seen as trite like a fox or wolf. For now, I am just going with the flow. Personally, I've been told to base some of my species off of my personality. On the good side, I'm rather reliable and tend toward a soul that is rather more suited to smiles than to frowns. I tend to be self-sacrificing and a bit of a mediator. I'm also pretty self-aware. On the bad side, I can stubborn and I've been told I can be arrogant. I also tend towards a defiant personality, and I don't hold like being around big crowds or having to work in a large team, like a sports team. For more neutral or double-sided traits, I'm introverted, and tend to like work by myself or in a small group like I've said. I am also of a dominant ... at least when it comes to matters in the bed. Also, when I'm not sure, I tend to seek advice from people who I regard to be wise... which is why I'm typing this. xP So, what do I do? have anything to suggest to me? Signed, Thal (age 21) * * * Dear Thal, Yes, I do :-) First off, stop listening to other people about what your fursona should be. A fursona is deeply personal and only you can decide what it should be and what feels right for you. Secondly, don't worry if you change fursonas (or have multiple fursonas). That's perfectly fine. And if people have a problem with your changing fursonas, that's their problem, not yours. Don't worry your fuzzy head about it. My fursona, over the years, changed from wolf to dragon to bear (I'm quite certain it will stay bear from now on). When I was your age, I was still a dragon. Thirdly: should your fursona reflect your personality? Not necessarily. It can, but doesn't have to. My feeling is that a good fursona can reflect who you wish to be, what you aspire to be, rather than what you are. You might have noticed that people choose fursonas that are often more outgoing, talented, adventurous than they are. Fursonas often personify (haha) the traits we are afraid of expressing ourselves. Great example: the real me (Kevin Hile) would be terrified to perform on stage. I've never even done karaoke. However, as Grubbs in my fursuit I performed "The Bare Necessities" on stage quite expressively. Grubbs is stronger, more easygoing, more confident in himself than I am. Perhaps the problem you are having is that you are listening too much to other people and it is making choosing difficult for you. My advice would be to plug your ears to all those other voices and listen to what is in your heart and spirit. Do not force it; let it come to you naturally. This is how Grubbs came to me. I really didn't think of it much, he just introduced himself pre-formed in my head and all I had to do from that point is commission a fursuit. Think about your fursona at quiet times, such as when you are lying in bed about to go to sleep or perhaps while in meditation. In a way, fursonas pick us, not the other way around. Hope that helps. Bear Hugs, Papabear Third time! This time though, it's not as personal but a lot more complicated.
So I'm a big part of the Transformation/TF part of the fandom, a largely fetishized group with some very unique art. While I have yet to contribute, I have hit a small snag that bugs me. I knew this artist, we'll call them Carlos, who was a moderately decent artist with some glaring flaws and almost no following. He came across very abrasive and rash, which may have pushed people away. I got to know him and he was the same with me but seemed like a good guy. But then he dropped a major bomb. There's another artist in the TF world, let's say she's...Joan. So I met Joan first and she is CRAZY popular, bursting onto the scene of TF by saying she needed money for a pet's surgery. Her fame skyrocketed with her clean art and tfs, albeit more on dA than FA. And it was through her, or him, that they revealed themselves to be the same person. So this mediocre male artist created an account to be a female artist with sympathy fans, and the same kinda mediocre anatomically incorrect art, but had done so in such a way to build up a massive following. Through this lie they amassed tons of fans and money, and nobody knows about this other than me. This female persona had a very specific niche for tf, let's say she only did Foxes. And she was very strict about doing anything not fox related, and having a list of fox species for people to pay and pick for their tf. But then for some reason, perhaps nobody else wanted foxes, she bails on this and accepts all animals out of the blue. For no reason other than more money. Then his normal male account posts a journal about getting tired of doing tf and I respond, saying that they might lose some fans if they drop tf altogether, but then they get all defensive at me, saying I'm the reason they quit skype, saying that dirty art is impure and filth among other things. The journal also insulted the furry community, calling it an emo ridden group of losers and just a horrible journal of horrible hate. It was so vile...he was dwelling on the clean days of tf but everything is dirty, nothing is ever 100% clean. It's not like it just started becoming naughty in the last 2 months. Oddly, when we had chatted during skype and I expressed some disinterest in this person's affinity for chiptune and foxes, they freaked out at me. That may have been the downfall of our relationship. Then, I blocked the male account because I was sick of being harassed by this liar and manipulator...but then I should check my messages a few hours later and find a note from the female account asking to talk things out. I ignored the note for a day cause I didn't wanna bother, but then when I decide maybe to give it a shot, guess what? She/He had blocked ME now! Here's what she sent me: “So lets talk like actual adults before anonymity on the internet. Clearly you're upset, clearly I misspoke, a lot of it lacks context, and I think that lead to a lot of wacky insults and mudslinging. “So if you'd like to actually hear why I feel the way I do, with details, instead of assuming I'm a run of the mill miserite troll scapegoating a community that does not deserve it. “And hey perhaps you could convince me otherwise but either way our last discussion was clearly some old salt in the wounds. Lets say we can heal like logical reasonable human beings?” And so I can normally just block and remove a person from my life right? But this person works in the same vein of tf that I like and draw for, so every time I see their icon or name I just get knots in my stomach. I have a problem forgetting things and it's especially tough when I see their name everywhere. My final question is this; How can I move on and not be so bitter? Sure we both said some things, but the hastiness of the blocking and the inability to accept each other's opinions, but was it just a doomed friendship? Or is it just a moral sensor going off in my brain whenever I see the people she's/he's duped on their account praising this liar? Should I expose them? Clearly they won't leave the tf community when they have so much money coming in from selling out their ideals by taking other species, so I'm at a real crossroads. Thanks a lot Papa! From your favorite Malayan Civet (since I'm the only one in the fandom lol), Cassidy~! (age 17) * * * Hi, Cassidy, The Internet is such fertile ground for drama, isn’t it? And the online furry community is certainly no exception. Whenever I get a letter such as yours, Papabear listens to his gut, which always tells me one of two things: either there is more going on here than meets the eye, or I’m hungry. If I’m hungry, I eat, and then get back to the problem, which is this.... Carlos/Joan (hereafter CJ) has some serious issues going on with him/her. These are emotional and possibly psychological problems that you likely know nothing about. You only know what CJ posts and chats with you about, and that’s it. When something upsets CJ s/he lashes out and acts somewhat irrationally. Joan seems to be the slightly more rational side, while Carlos the more fiery, defensive, and angry side. CJ may be bipolar or have cyclothymia or bipolar disorder Not Otherwise Specified. Sufferers of these illnesses go from depressed states to high states to various degrees and frequencies depending on the type of problem. Another possibility is some form of autism, such as Asperger’s, which can cause someone to overreact or react inappropriately in social situations (and become hypersensitive to any kind of criticism). This would explain the reactions to comments about his/her TF work and about the TF art community in general. One of the more difficult interactions in any community is to express empathy and to show compassion and support to someone you just met online who appears to be a mean person. It’s hard because you can’t usually tell if they are that way because they are troubled or if they are just mean by nature. What Papabear usually tries to do (not always because some people are so unbalanced that I just hope they see a doctor, but I can’t afford the time to deal with their many problems), is first assume that someone is that way because they are unhappy. Then, instead of criticizing them, I ask them if they need a shoulder to lean on and a sympathetic ear. I certainly would not criticize something like their artistic skills and, instead, would encourage their desire to draw and express themselves (a very healthy activity). Even if they are poor artists now, with encouragement, they could improve. (If people criticized me harshly for my piano playing, I would be sad and would stop trying, but they are encouraging me and that is why I am slowly improving). I wouldn’t bother to “out” CJ as being duplicitous (and you’re probably incorrect in assuming you’re the only one who knows s/he has two online profiles). It’s not illegal and it’s really none of your business (are you jealous that Joan has seen some success because she is really Carlos? Perhaps Carlos is actually Joan? Who knows? Who cares?) Many artists get commissions, I’ve noticed, especially among furries, by pleading they need help financially for something. It’s a way of supporting people. Perhaps it’s a bit disingenuous, but it’s called feeling some sympathy toward others. I always look at it as a “there but for the Grace of God go I” phenomenon. What if I were not so lucky as to have a job and a home and a family? Wouldn’t I cry out for help, too? I would. I’d be asking you to buy my books, even if the books didn’t interest you or you thought they stank up the place. I believe what you are experiencing with CJ is the cacophony of a cry for help. It can hurt the ears, indeed, but one way to alleviate it may be to give them a big hug, some tea and sympathy. Hope that helps, Papabear Papabear,
Is the word "sona" being overused or loosely said? Lets look at the Oxford Dictionary (The dictionary for cool people) noun (plural personas or personae-ˈsōnē) 1 The aspect of someone’s character that is presented to or perceived by others: her public persona Sona is an abbreviation for persona so why is it necessary to have multiple sonas to identify a type of thing your interested in? Is that sort of like a High School cliques that people in fandoms join because they are not in a high school clique. Ex: Pokesona tend to talk to other pokemon fans mostly Wowsonas chill with the alliance or horde Bronysonas gallop together Yet they don't talk to each other because there is no similar interest excluding other fandoms from joining theirs. Has the word "sona" lost its meaning and is the NEW high school clique of fandoms? Kim the "Pancham" * * * Hi, Kim, I love the idea of the OED being “the dictionary for cool people.” That one made me grin. It sounds like you’re asking two different things: is the abbreviation “sona” overused, and are people forming too many cliques to avoid interacting with others who don’t share their interests? Whether or not “sona” is overused is a matter of personal opinion. People have a way of latching on to words or phrases they think are cute, original, or cool and then using them to death until they become clichéd and boring. Many examples: aight, fershizzle, fail, amazeballs, hashtag, selfie, dude, ’sup, twerking etc. etc. Overuse of such words—and this might be insulting to some, sorry—is evidence of unoriginal and lazy thinking. I suppose the same thing may be said for “sona.” As for cliques, yes, certainly young people gravitate toward them, and one reason some people associate with furries, bronies, and other groups is that they felt rejected in school and are now happy to be part of a community. It is often interesting to me that the very people who once complained of being excluded from a society become, themselves, exclusionary, rejecting people who want to join with lame accusations such as “you’re not a real furry.” Whatevah! Cliques are a double-edged sword. On the one paw, they can give comfort to members of the clique by providing them with validation and a surrogate family; on the other, they can become elitist and hurtful to those who are outside their little community. After decades of trying to belong somewhere, this bear has given up on the idea of being part of a group. Too much rejection, too much drama, don’t need it. Instead, I deal with people—furries and mundanes alike—on an individual basis and have found that formula to work much better. In conclusion, “sona” has not lost its meaning, but it has become cliché, and, yes, there are many cliques out there, but they are nothing new, whether you add –sona to the end of the name or not. It’s just human nature to, like birds, flock together. Cheers, Papabear Hello Papabear,
First of all, I apologize if you have answered this already, but I am curious about something. I am wondering what happens to someone's fursona after he/she passes away. Does it become up for grabs, does it stay with the deceased person, or does it just "die" as well? Sincerely, Kumori * * * Hi, Kumori, For most furries a fursona is something that is very personal, a part of them. Therefore, in most cases, I would surmise that when the furry dies so does his or her fursona. But, that’s probably not a hard-and-fast rule. For instance, many times a furry will leave his/her fursuit to someone else after they pass, or, quite often, even sell the fursuit long before their demise (because they need the money or are tired with that particular fursuit character). I guess it depends upon how strongly attached that person is to the fursona and how much that fursona reflects who they are. When I go, for example, Grubbs goes with me because he IS me. My fursuit (if it is still in one piece by that time) will be inherited, but at that point it just becomes furry fabric and paw pads and claws, a souvenir. That’s just fursuits, of course. Many furries don’t own one, and their fursona lives in illustrations or in written fiction. In that case, I reckon it would be even easier to keep a popular furry character alive as others draw fan art or write fan fiction, sort of like how James Bond keeps appearing in movies even though Ian Fleming died a year before I was born. As with our memories of a loved one, a fursona of someone we dearly loved can live on, even after its creator has shed the mortal coil. Thanks for your question, Papabear *Warning, this will contain a lot of rambling and scatterbrained...ness. If I had figured out the proper way to say/type it, I might have figured it out already*
Hi! Well this is interesting, I'm asking a question on the same day I found your blog! (Is that the right word? I don't know. ;w; ) So here's my predicament. I've been using the same username for almost 3 years. In that span I've done a lot of things: make art, evolve in my art, make characters, make friends, but also make enemies. And these enemies seem to love coming back to take swings at me. Several going as far as to wish me death. Now I'm not someone who enjoys when people give them pity, but I won't deny that I love attention. But it feels that the attention is falling less on the art and more on the conflicts. So I've decided to make the change from deviantArt, to FurAffinity as I feel that better artists tend to get more work and commissions there as opposed to everyone posting everything on dA without any control. So since April I've been practicing anatomy, poses, furry stuff, for months nonstop! And I'm just getting ready to make the move, but then comes the issue. I've had my fursona, Cassidy, for about a year now. My FA account has a few friends and watchers and the sort, but bares the name of my old account. I know that I can make another account to just avoid all of this, but I want to bring my fursona to the center of my art and not have to hide. I've kind of put my fursona on my current FA already quite a bit, considering my fursona has some better personality traits than I do (and is also the opposite gender than I, showing a different side of me), trying to start anew with some new people, new furs, a community I'd really like to be a recognized member in. But the trolls from my deviantArt could find it, and some have, and preblocked it (before I had even made it active as I've had it for a few years as well)! I'm just not sure what to do! I've got some great friends, and with my current account name actually having my real name in a clever kind of way (I won't give my account away, but it's something like Katrina'sArtCollection, that sounds nice and stuff) but then have my fursona be the face of it without having to draw myself or anything. I'd like to think I've changed in the negative things I've done on my dA account, grown as a person, etc., but these people haven't been around to see it. Makes me wonder if I should care what they think. But my point is, after all that, is that would making a new account change anything? Remove the infamy? Or should I stick it out and continue with my friends and watchers, and ignore the haters and go strong? Would no matter what, the negatives or the past bleed through and it'll all be for not one day? Thank you for reading my blabbering. With the warmest of hugs, Cassidy The Civet~ * * * Dear Cassidy, One has to wonder what went on that you have enemies who want you to die. I’m sure that must be an exaggeration on their part, yet their enmity is clear. On the other paw, you’ve turned over a new leaf and have friends on your side. Good. It’s not uncommon for furries to change their fursonas (or have more than one fursona), but this is more an issue with branding than with alter egos. You’re trying to brand your art business and make Cassidy the familiar face your customers associate with it. Now, if we were talking about a brand image like the McDonald’s arches or the Nike swoosh or Tony the Tiger, I could definitely see the problem. You wouldn’t want to drop logos like that because they are recognized the world over. But you’ve only had Cassidy as your fursona for a year, so it’s hardly a widely recognized image. Establishing your art site with a different mascot character would not, therefore, be much of a setback and would not hurt your business or your desire for recognition in the fandom. That said, you should also not allow yourself to be intimidated by trolls, who aren’t going to forgive you anyway, and are not going to be your customers or followers. So what if they trash you? Everyone gets trashed on the Internet at one point or another, including Papabear. I’ve been called an aspiring popufur who only writes a column for fame and money (I guess my accountant is hiding my money in Switzerland, because I haven’t seen a dime of it, LOL). To answer your question: you are really facing a “six of one, half dozen of the other” situation. To my mind, it really won’t affect you much one way or the other how you decide this, so go with what feels right to you. Trust your instincts. Good Luck, Papabear Dear PapaBear,
I am glad to have found your website where you help furries out and I myself am an ongoing Furry, with a similar problem someone had stated to you already. I've got a hard time to decide what my fursona should be and find myself scared to be disliked or hated by others or even friends of the furry scene for being an overpopular chosen species, one that barely is taken and to be taking blame for being a copycat with a self-created species. The fandom itself really helped me in up and downtimes of my life, wishing to take full part in it even with anxiety and trying to give too much to be noted. I hope you can help one like myself, wishing you great days and thank you for helping others out. Someday I may do the same as well. Lyah (age 24, Germany) * * * Dear Lyah, Greetings and welcome to the fandom. I’m not sure how long you have been involved, but I find your characterization of the fandom odd. Whatever gave you the impression that furries would hate you because of the fursona you chose? Maybe things are different in Germany, but here in the USA no one cares what species—or hybrid—you choose for a fursona, so long as you don’t copy exactly what someone else has done. I would be very upset, for example, if I saw a duplicate of my fursuit being worn by someone else; I’d also be a bit miffed if someone else called themselves Grubbs Grizzly. But I’m absolutely happy with anyfur who chooses to be a bear species. We need more bears! :-) Remembering that it is not a requirement to have or fursuit, or even a fursona, to have fun in the fandom, you should design your alter ego to please you not someone else. The point is to enjoy yourself and not worry about what others think. The spirit of furriness is individuality and creativity. We are nonconformists, which is why we’re usually seen as oddballs among the mundanes. So, please, create your fursona to your taste and participate heartily, merrily, whole-heartedly in the fandom! Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear,
How are you? I found your website while browsing the internet searching for a solution to my problem, and from what I can gather, you seem to be the right person to assist me. I have been a furry for many years now. I often participated in furry events and was also a member of several furry websites, including FurAffinity. I have always used a cat fursona, as cats are some of my favourite animals and I related to them in many ways, especially when it comes to hygiene, considering that I am somewhat obsessed with cleanliness. However, after an unexpected incident drove me to back away from the Furry Fandom for many years, my personality changed drastically. Now I finally feel ready to return, and have planned the whole process like a military operation. It might be a bit exaggerated, I admit, but I want to make sure that everything goes according to plan. The only problem I have found, however, is of paramount importance in this ordeal: I am having doubts about my fursona! Finding an adequate fursona is a central piece in my comeback. While I am fully aware that a fursona is meant to be created out of fun rather than duty, I absolutely need to feel that my fursona's personality reflects my own. This is why it has been so difficult to find the adequate animal to represent me. I have tried to answer multiple tests online and find the right animal for me, all to no avail. I obtained several different results, such as cat, fox, beaver, wolf and even elephant. I relate to foxes much more nowadays, but I still feel like I 'am not worthy' of being one. That my personality does not appear to be that of a fox's, not to mention that a fox is more of a canine rather than a feline, and I have always harbored some contempt towards canines, seeing then as 'dirty', although I myself cannot explain why. In order to find my animal, I will try and explain my personality so that perhaps you can help me find out what animal better suits me: I am a loner, as I prefer to stay alone. However, I sympathize with others, and others often see me as kind, organised and very intelligent, if somewhat distant and unable to relax, for I am always too focused on maintaining a serious appearance. I am not a leader. If I were to lead, I would use someone to be a front and to carry out my will, so that if my ideas were to ever draw out enemies, they would focus on him and not me. I favour intelligence over brute force. I myself am not what you would call physically intimidating. My strength resides on my ability to speak and to bend words and sentences to my will. Therefore I love to debate, and I often win. But I can hold my own in a fight nonetheless, and am stronger that I appear. I am a epicurist. I do not seek great thrills or adventures, but rather find pleasure in normal and reasonable activities. However, normality somewhat bores me, as I find myself wishing that the superheroes that we often see on TV where real. I am a romantic man, and prefer to maintain a classical approach towards love. I am not violent, but if I am physically harmed, I will defend myself, and to my disappointment, I find pleasure in punishing those who have wronged me. A sadistic side of my personality, if you will. I am also an open-minded person. I have done volunteer work before, and love animals. I also enjoy helping others. That is all that I can recall. Considering all that I have written here, what animal do you think I should represent myself as? Thank you for your help, and have a nice day. Best wishes, Anonymous Entity (age 21) * * * Dear Anonymous, It is my belief that picking a fursona is a very personal endeavor, and, therefore, one to be pursued alone. I have written on the topic of choosing one a number of times in this column, and, if you would like to learn more, simply go to the Ask Papabear Letters page and select fursonas under Categories and it will give you several useful hits. Be that as it may, I thought it would be fun to try and pick a fursona for you as an amusing mental exercise. Reading about your qualities, I have selected one: Crow. Here’s why: 1. You value intelligence, and the crow, a member of the Corvid family, which includes jays, is extremely intelligent. I’ve seen videos where a crow has fashioned a hook out of a bit of wire in order to fish out a piece of food from a bottle. Crows figured out, too, how to use cars to crush nuts for them, and they have mastered the duffle bag zipper, among other accomplishments. 2. You are a loner: While crows can flock into a “murder” of their kind, they are very independent souls as well. 3. You’re a romantic: Crows mate for life, and they have quite a romantic display when they are courting involving formal bows and mutual preening, which I find charming. 4. While you have your independent side, you are also charitable and like to volunteer: Crows will work together for protection. Gathering in small groups of perhaps a half dozen or so, several crows will feed on the ground while one or two others keep watch for dangers. They then rotate duties. 5. Generally nonviolent, you can be fierce: Crows don’t go looking for fights, but they will chase off fierce raptors such as hawks and owls. 6. They’re clean: while not too picky about their food, eating everything from seeds and insects to carrion, crows have been seen washing their food. Although some scientists speculate they are just softening the food a bit for eating, many others believe crows are a bit fastidious. 7. You like some normalcy in your life: Crows have regular fixed routes for flying about to feeding areas and then back to roost each day, so they do like their routines. 8. But you also have an adventurous side and like stories of superheroes: Crows enjoy a rich presence throughout human mythology. To the Greeks, the Crow was a creature of prophecy and was associated with Apollo. In the Mabinogian the Crow is a harbinger of death. In Celtic myths, the Crow was associated with the warrior goddess Morrighan. In the Eddas, two crows serve as Odin’s spies. 9. Your tongue as weapon: And, of course, the Crow appears in many Native American stories as a clever trickster on a par with Coyote. Your ability to “speak and bend words” goes perfectly with the clever Crow of these tales. So, if I were to pick for you, I’d pick Crow. However, what I think is completely irrelevant. Perhaps, though, you can learn a bit from my method of reasoning this out and emulate that to select your fursona. Remember not to stress out about it. It will come to you eventually. Hugs, Papabear Papabear,
There is a furry called Sky who kind of defends fursuit sex or somewhat (which is, of course, fine), but the way he does it makes it sound entirely horse-s@!#. Here is a stupid phrase he made up (I hope it's made up): “Fall in love with the fursuiter, never fall in love with the fursuit,” and he claims it's a common term. He claims that you must be attracted to the person inside and have nothing to do with the costume (AT ALL, I think) and whatever. Same thing with fursona icons or something. He thinks that if it affects some kind of “sexual orientation,” then somehow, to him, it might be a problem, I think. Not sure if that's what he meant, but it's really dumb when yet, to a lot of others, IT'S KIND OF THE POINT. I mean, I can understand if it takes over you in a life, damaging way, but having it as at least a requirement shouldn't be consider harmful at all. Especially if the person has no attraction to yucky, smelly humans (like it's a closet dream or something). I've never had sex in a fursuit before (though I should understand it by now), but I did kind of had a thing for icons as a symbol maybe. Without them, then it just feels pointless. Question is, do you agree or is it also fine to have it like this too? I've also wondered if it’s true that this kind of idea is common or it’s just him again. Diamond Man * * * Dear Diamond Man, Not to evoke your ire against me, but Papabear would agree with the statement, “Fall in love with the fursuiter, never fall in love with the fursuit.” What this says—and I haven’t heard it put this way before, so wouldn’t know if it is considered cliché within the fandom or not—is simply that you should not be shallow and base your relationships on appearances. It is a corollary to the much more familiar “beauty is only skin deep.” One might fall “in love” with a beautiful woman because she is extremely attractive, but if you court her and marry her only to find out that, inside, she is a very ugly person, then you have landed yourself in a very nasty situation. Any mature, deep relationship is based on a foundation of who each person is and not what he or she wears. Think of a fursuit as if it were clothing. Who would you rather fall in love with? A man who dresses impeccably in Hugo Boss and Armani but who does drugs, cheats, steals, and hurts other people? Or a guy who dresses in tattered jeans and a stained shirt but is kind, loving, and caring? Now, turn that Armani into an amazing dragon suit complete with movable wings, animatronic facial expressions, cool Medieval leather gear, and LED-glowing eyes. Inside that remarkable dragon is still a person who is a big, pardon me, piece of crap. And, guess what? That person is not going to wear that fursuit 24/7. If he or she is anything like me, the fursuit will only stay on a couple hours at most, and, once it comes off, voilá! Out comes the buttmunch whom you have chosen as a mate. As a furry, I certainly understand the physical attraction to fursuits, fursonas, avatars, furry art, etc. But I would never base a relationship just on that one aspect, and neither should you. Now, if you meet a super person and he or she happens to have an awesome fursuit, then bonus! But, if not, I certainly hope you wouldn’t reject someone in your life simply because you don’t care for that person’s fursona and fursuit. Such things should not be a requirement. As for whether or not this idea is “common,” I’ll let my readers chime in on that one. Papabear |
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