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Heya, Papabear!
I have just recently stumbled upon your website while catching up on my usual fur-media, if you will. :3 While I do have my question, first I would just like to say I really respect and love what you have going on over here. This site is a great resource and I really wish I had found it sooner. So thank you! I am 17 and have been in the fandom for about 5-6 years now. I truly love it here and finally feel very comfortable in a space I know I will not be judged, ridiculed, teased, or otherwise about who I am. I have always had an odd interest in anthropomorphic characters when I was younger and ever since I found the fandom it all started to make a little more sense lol! Anyhoo, it's safe to say that being a furry is a big part of who I am and my passions. And I don't see it going anywhere, anytime soon. Now, being that I am 17, and still in high school, I live with my mother. (I don’t have contact to my dad). And my mom and her family are not the warmest to the furry community as I have sadly found out. They see the fandom for the complete opposite of what it is, weather it's, “People believing they are animals, dressing up like dogs and barking at people.” Or “Overweight 30 yo men having sex in suit.” All the way to thinking that getting crazy cosmetic surgeries and changes, walking on all fours and whining at their teachers and bosses like an actual animal are what furries are/do. And having news reports at some of the local schools in our area about a few out of hand students that are apart of Otherkin doesn’t really help either. Other than that, I have heard them talking a number of times about how “strange,” “disgusting,” and “weird” furries are. A lot of them were with me sitting at the table, trying to not get defensive, embarrassed, or act suspicious. They always seem to have something bad to say about them, especially whenever they see a furry-related bumper sticker, event, online account, or God forbid, a fursiuter in public. (I actually happen to live in the same city as one of my favorite furs! Verplex!) I digress, but it honestly breaks my heart to hear how my mom, aunts, and even some of my cousins talk about something that is so dear to me. And all I can do is sit there in my nervous sweat. And knowing how they are, if they found out about me, I would never hear the end of it. I would probably be seen as a freak by the entire family. I am also quite afraid that my mom might take a route that my father had taken. To be honest, the reason why I don't have any contact with my dad is because he no longer wishes to have me in his life. And a big chunk of it was due to him finding out about my hobbies (the fandom) and my sexuality. Not only is this hard and frustrating to hear others talking bad about something I enjoy and brings me so much more support and love than anyone else ever has, but I am really wanting to get more involved in the community now that I have been a quiet internet fur for a while now. I would love to get some merch, art, go to meets and conventions, and get some real-life friends who also share the interest. Not to mention (out of reach) but eventually commission a fursuit of my sona. But not only living with my parents but unsupportive ones makes that a real challenge. I do know that I am making it to the later chunk of my teen years, and eventually will have a lot more freedom, but I doubt I'd be able to move out when I hit 18. My childhood and teenage years have been such a struggle for me, and I really would love to try to start to enjoy something before it ends. Asides from that, it would be a huge relief to just break all this tension. Even if I know there will be plenty of moments ahead of me. The best time is always the present. I'm sure you have gotten a bunch of questions or help letters like this one. And maybe even a sit-down talk would change their minds, but before I go full send on revealing my floofy side, I would love to just get some advice and thoughts. Anything would be appreciated. Thank you. Sorry for the long letter, I know how these can get overwhelming. I hope all is well, especially In these crazy times! >~ Thanks again. Best, Pi Husky * * * Hi, Pi, Quick question: Are you familiar with VRchat and/or Second Life? Papabear * * * Hi again! Yes, I used to play a little bit of VRchat, back when I had a capable setup. Only heard of Second Life. Don’t know what it is though. Thanks! Pi * * * Hi, Pi (I like saying that, hi pi ;) Second Life is a virtual world that is still around but was much more popular than it is now because VRChat has sort of one-upped it by offering 3D capabilities. You don't need a 3D VR visor to use VRChat, but it's nice if you do. Anyway, although both SL and VRC are for all audiences, there are HUGE furry communities in both with furry worlds and meetup places where furries gather. You can wear an avatar (you can buy them or custom make them) to go with your fursona, you can make friends, buy merch, build yourself a home or other getaway, etc. In VRChat there is even an annual convention called Furality that you can attend (there is a fee). The cool thing about a virtual con is that you don't have to pay for travel, hotel, food etc. Last year, 21,000 furries attended Furality. Here's the point: If you're having trouble being furry in the real world, opt for the virtual world. You don't have to do the SL or VRC thing, of course. If you're a gamer, I recommend having a Discord account where you can play furry-related games with lots of furries. And there are popular sites like FurAffinity, SoFurry, and the phone app Barq! Tell me, what websites, apps, etc. related to furries are you already familiar with? Papabear * * * Haha it’s got a nice ring to it! (Hi, Pi) :P Anyway, I actually am quite familiar with most of these! I used to even have a original Oculus Quest (before they changed to Meta) and an HTC Vive, along with my PC rig. But I had just never realized the vastness of the furry side of VR. Especially being I didn’t play that much VRchat. I would love to get back into it and finally experience more of VRchat, but just recently in a move, I had my PC and both VR headsets stolen from a PODs container, amongst other things. I am a bit struck for money at moment so I haven’t really had a chance to get some stuff back. But I do have Discord and I'm quite active on the Instagram and Barq side of the fandom. I just really wish I could get more involved socially into the fandom instead of being limited to things like Discord. I'm sure you know how my family's perspective on the community is right now. And being that Im at a stage in life where travel is not in my favor, my family would certainly have to know where I'd be going if I were to go to a con, meet, etc. But if you happen to know any good Discord servers it would be greatly appreciated! I do plan on getting a computer soon so that will make life a whole lot easier in regards to VR, etc. maybe I'll be able to make it to Furality! Thanks again! Pi * * * Then I would recommend you learn about getting into furry worlds on VRChat. This is definitely where a TON of young furries hang out, so there is no end of socializing. As for Discord, you're writing to an old greymuzzle who mostly uses Facebook because I'm an antique LOL, so I really don't hang much in Discord servers, but I'm sure you can ask around on other media sites and there will be furries who know more. As for your parents, like many parents, they just get caught up in the BS that media sites and misinformed people tell them, which is all the bad stuff and none of the good stuff. If you're interested in getting DEEP into research on what furries REALLY are, and sharing that with your parents, download this FREE book here New Furbook available for download, and it's free! - Furscience I am also working on a book about the fandom that I hope to finish the end of the year. It won't be free, but it will be more relevant to all audiences and not just furries or serious researchers like the above link. Go to www.unclebearpublishing.com for updates on that. Write again if you have more questions! Stay Furry, Papabear * * * Thank you so much for your advice! I'm definitely going to look into VR more. I'm also quite interested in that book you’re writing. Would love to check it out when it’s finished. Knowing my family, I think I might just keep it from them until another time, if ever lol. As many say, it is just a hobby after all. Pretty soon I won't have to worry about their views as much, being that soon I’ll be a legal adult. But I’ll definitely be checking out those links for some friends that I have. And if it ever comes to it, I’ll have some backup solutions for my parents. xD Stay safe in these crazy times! communities including this fandom need more people like you! Best, Pi
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Dear Papabear,
Some months back, Soatok published this article on the explosive growth of the Fandom. What are your thoughts on it, and the discussion surrounding it? Can we fight these problems? How? Is it too late? Boyesh * * * Dear Boyesh, Thank you for your email and sorry for the slow reply! An interesting and timely question, and thank you for asking. The fandom is, indeed, growing by leaps and bounds, and a number of furcons have extremely high attendance rates. However, as much as I like Soatok, I think they are spazzing out a bit. Yes, Midwest Furfest had over 15,000 attendees, but compared to Comic-Con in San Diego, which had about 135,000 fans this year, it's peanuts. New York's Comic-Con had even more at 200,000 attendees in 2022. You don't see people giving up on comic-cons, do you? So why would they give up on furcons that have a tenth of the attendance? Instead of treating attendance as if it were a problem, we should treat it as an opportunity. There are many things that can be done. One of these has already been deployed by Anthrocon in Pittsburgh. Uncle Kage recently announced that in 2025 they are going to cap attendance to keep the crowds at a safe level (respective of such things as fire regulations, hotel considerations, and general enjoyment of the attendees). Other large cons such as Midwest Furfest and Furry Weekend Atlanta might follow the same strategy in the near future, I would surmise. Although, on the other paw, maybe they will just grow into furry versions of Comic-Con. This doesn't mean that furries are out of luck in attending furcons. There are lots of smaller cons, and new cons are being created. For example, in Southern California where this bear is from, when Califur shut its doors, it was soon replaced by Golden State Furcon in Los Angeles and, this year, Another Furry Con debuted in Ontario (California, not Canada). Up in the Bay Area, when Further Confusion started getting large, we saw overflow go to PAWCon. The same thing can easily happen in states like Pennsylvania. Satellite cons could open up to welcome furries who could not, for whatever reason, make AC. The headline of Soatok's article ("Furries Are Losing the Battle Against Scale") is self-defeating and presumptuous. What are our options here? Well, one option would be to see the number of furries decline, risking what happened to the Bronies when their convention closed and now they have no cons. Second option is things stay the same, which isn't likely but would mean we'd go along as we are, which isn't so bad. And Option 3 is that we continue to grow, which is a testimony to the success and popularity of the furry fandom and should be celebrated, not mourned. Soatok notes that furry attendance at cons and meets etc. is growing at about 10% annually, which means it will double in 7 years. They then compare this to the 0.8% growth of overall world population, concluding that furry growth is unsustainable. Soatok then predicts that: 1) Furcons will become accessible only to tech-savvy and wealthy furries; attendance costs will rise; hotels will become too crowded; and furries will get stressed and start fighting with each other. First of all, chill out. Of the over 100 furcons going on these days, only 7 have attendance rates exceeding 5,000 while over half have attendance rates under 1,000. Yes, a few cons are over-attended, a hazard of being a popular and well-run convention. Most still have plenty of room to grow. Soatok says that convention growth (in terms of total hotel rooms) is flat and that we will therefore get crushed under a flood of furries swarming to conventions. I beg to differ. In a very helpful article on the Fang, Feather, & Fin website from 2022, Gale Frostbane notes that there were 11 conventions in the 1990s, 52 in the 2000s, 138 in the 2010s. This seems to be leveling off now, true, but there are two big reasons: 1) The COVID-19 pandemic, and 2) the rise of virtual conventions such as Furality (which had over 21,000 attendees this year). But just because furcon space is a bit stagnant at the moment does not mean it always will be. This is, I believe, a blip. An adjustment. Things will happen to cause more furcons to open, older ones to diversify and adjust, and alternatives to cons (such as furmeets and parties and camps) to make themselves available. Already things are happening that indicate Soatok is jumping the gun on offering dire warnings of impending doom. Hotels and convention centers, for example, will not permit attendance to get so huge that no one can get on an elevator or walk through a hallway because they will be crushed by stampeding footpads. As Uncle Kage and the AC staff wisely decided, there will need to be caps similar to what they do with Comic-Con. The idea that cons will only be accessible to tech savvy and wealthier furries is a rather silly point. Most furries are tech savvy already, and there are ways to get around money issues in attending cons to make them more affordable. As for furries fighting among each other, well, I gotta laugh. We already fight with each other about silly things, and we already have issues that divide us, such as the young furs vs. greymuzzle disputes or arguments about whether we should permit furporn or do you have to have a fursona or a fursuit to be furry and on and on. If the furry fandom is going to survive, it has to grow. And as it grows, it has to evolve. It is already hugely different from when I first started getting active in the 2000s, and it will be hugely different 20 years from now compared to what it is today. Because there is no organizing force behind our fandom like there is behind other fandoms (e.g. Whovians, Potterheads, Trekkers), one should expect it to be a raging mess of chaos. That can be seen as a weakness or it could be valued as a strength. My advice? If you really really want to go to a large convention, book as early as you possibly can and/or find a friend who has been before and ask if you can room with them. But remember there are dozens of furcons that are much smaller and manageable in size. You can have a wonderful experience at conventions that have, say, 500 to 1,500 attendees. You know, I have never been to San Diego's Comic-Con, and I have absolutely no desire to. I despise crowds. So, instead, I went to the tiny Palm Springs Comic-Con and had a super time! You can also attend furmeets or camps or virtual cons. If there is nothing in your area but there are furries nearby, start your own meetup! What's to stop you? We are going through growing pains. But while Soatok is correct in noting that we have some rough waters ahead, they are incorrect to start fearmongering and make furries feel that the future of furcons is bleak. It is not. It's just different, that's all. The future of the fandom will continue to see conventions of all shapes and sizes. I hope that answers your question. Bear Hugs! Papabear Hello Papabear,
I have been in the fandom for the longest time since I was 15 years old. One of the thing I really love about the fandom is the golden age of the fandom. I love hearing stories of the past when the furry fandom was a new concept, seeing classic artists and art that shape the fandom for what it is today.. My question is, I really find it hard to find info of the past. Do you know any sites or good links that have a history of furry knowledge and classic art. Lighten * * * Dear Lighten, I sure do! There is a growing number of good online sources for you to check out to learn about the fandom's history. Here are a few of them: For Starters:
After you've digested the above overviews, delve deeper with...
As a bonus, I would also suggest you take a look at the recent memorial video Rod O'Riley created on YouTube that is all about the late-great Father of the Furry Fandom, Mark Merlino. You will learn a LOT about the fandom's origins by watching this at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLfNdhHmh1Y&t=14837s. There are also some excellent books out there for you to read, including:
There are, of course, other sources online and in print, but the above represents your best bet to get the information you want. Happy Researching! Hugs, Papabear I hope this message finds you well, Papabear!
I'm Bulmuc, and I've been part of the furry community for almost four years now! It's been "pawsome" hanging out with everyone online, but lately, I've been thinking about taking things a step further and going to furmeets and conventions to meet other furries in person. The thing is, I'm just twelve, and I'm not entirely sure if it's okay or safe for me to do that. You know, I've heard some stories about younger furries feeling kinda odd or not really fitting in at these events, and it's making me a bit nervous. I really, really want to join in on all the exciting stuff, but I also want to make sure I'll be okay and not feel totally out of place. That's why I thought maybe you could help me out since you seem to know a lot about this kind of stuff. So, considering I'm almost hitting my fourth year as a furry, I'm wondering if there are specific rules or things I should be aware of before heading to furmeets and conventions at my age. Also, there was something that happened at the 2014 Midwest FurFest, they called it "chlorine con," and it's kinda worrying me. I'm scared something like that might happen again, especially at big events like that. I really, really want to go and meet new furry friends, but I want to make sure it's a safe and good thing for someone like me to do. I thought maybe you could give me some advice or let me know what I should keep in mind before I make any plans. Your help would mean so much to me, and it would make things a lot easier for me to understand. Thanks a bunch for listening, Papabear! I'm super excited to hear what you have to say. Take care, Bulmuc (Colorado, age 12) * * * Hi, Bulmuc, Judging by your letter, it sounds like your parents are cool with your being a furry and going to cons and meets, so that's pretty pawsome. Because you are underage, when it comes to cons you will have to be accompanied by a parent or guardian. This means they will need to be with you whenever you are in con space (I'm guessing you're considering DenFur, so I would visit their website to check about age policies). I hope you're okay with that. Most of the attendees will be in the 18-30 age range, so while they will be cool with you being there, it's not going to be any easier to mingle with them than it would be if you went to a high school dance and tried to ask a girl to dance. Age difference, doncha know. As for Furmeets, they can be even more clique-ish than cons. Contact the furmeet organizer(s), tell them who you are and your age, and see if they feel you would mix well with the attendees. Some furmeets are rather closed off to friends only, while others (Prancing Skiltaire is a primo example) are open to anyone. So, ask. You say that you have been fraternizing with young furries online for four years now. Do you know any of them who are going to a con or meet you are considering attending? it's always better to go to a furry event with people you already know. If you can't find any friends to go with you, another option is to start your own furmeet and invite guests to a party. You can do a game tournament or watch furry movies or maybe organize a trip to a local park. I hope this answers your question. If not, feel free to write again. Stay Furry! Papabear |
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An excellent article on coming out LGBT to Christian parents.
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.
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