A Special NoteI am saddened that the majority of Americans prefer a white man with a record of tax evasion, molestation, fraud, criminality, and disloyalty to American ideals over a woman who is ethnic and has a clean record as an upstanding citizen. I anticipate there will be a lot of unpleasant days ahead of us, especially for women, LGBTQIA people, immigrants, and anyone else who is not a white male fake Christian in America.
If the results of this election are causing you stress, I understand 100%. If you want to talk about it, please feel free to write me any time and your letter will go to the top of my pile when it comes to this issue. Now more than ever, we furries need to stand together. Latest Letter (10-27-24)Dear Papabear,
I've been in the furry fandom for over a year, and I've been enjoying my time here. I've made so many friends and even met the love of my life. But there are times where I develop imposter syndrome. Like I feel like I don't deserve the friends and the awesome memories I made in the fandom. People tell me otherwise, but I feel like I genuinely have a hard time proving myself that I belong sometimes. Especially for the fact I don't own a fursuit or that I'm not an artist. Yet I still have people who love me, even outside the fandom too. I was wondering if this feeling is normal in the furry fandom and what are some good ways to remind myself that I do matter. Thank you. Sincerely, An anonymous Saint Bernard P.S. I love your fursona and fursuit so much. It's so awesome and adorable. Genuinely wanna give ya a hug. * * * Dear Saint Bernard, Thank you for your letter and the compliment :-3 First off, it must be emphasized that you do not need to have a fursuit to be an active and beloved member of the fandom; nor do you need to be an artist or a gamer or a writer or even have a fursona. The baseline here is simple: Do you love the anthro arts? This includes movies, TV shows, comic books, novels, furry RPGs, and so on. If you answered "yes," then you're a furry fan. The confusion is common. You see, there are really two types of furries: hobbyists and lifestylers. Hobbyists are those who enjoy the anthro arts but do not get into the self-identity side of it, which involves everything from having furriness engulf everything in your life (i.e., e.g. you have furry art and plushies and fursuit stuff all over your home (sometimes called being "furry trash"), furry stickers plaster your car, you often wear a tail or ears in public places, etc.) to actually feeling like you have an animal spirit or that your fursona is in some way really who you are (the far spectrum of this bleeds into the therian and otherkin communities). The hobbyist is much more caszh about the fandom. They like to go to cons or meets, sure, and they may have a fursona for playing games with their friends, but they fully identify as human and spend the majority of their time as such among their normie friends. I, personally (not that you asked), am somewhere in between. You can find furry art hanging in my office, I will be suiting for normie trick or treaters this week, and I do feel I have a spiritual connection to bears, but for the most part I seem pretty normie when I'm not at a furcon. Given the above, you are not an imposter. So, why do you feel like one? It might surprise you that the majority of young Americans (70% by one study) say that they have experienced imposter syndrome at least once in their lives. I have often experienced it too, and the result is usually my berating myself as insufficient in some way, and sometimes people misinterpret my anxiety to false modesty. For example, people sometimes compliment my intelligence, but then I say to myself I really am not that bright; I just have a bachelor's degree; I only speak one language fluently; I have never won an important award or grant or recognition yadda yadda. The result is that my negative feelings about myself are roadblocks to my moving ahead with my life at times. This kind of lack of self-esteem can usually be traced back to our childhoods, especially to those who had either very controlling or very protective and permissive parents. If you have been bullied or socially ostracized as a young person, this can certainly contribute to imposter syndrome when you later achieve great things in your life but a voice in the back of your head keeps telling you that you don't deserve it. My furiend, everyone deserves friendships and respect and love and happiness. And when it comes to the furry family, well, you have landed in a community to which many people who feel like social outcasts are drawn. I think you will (or have already) found people much like yourself who are shy, lack self-confidence or self-esteem, or just feel attracted to the fandom and are blown away by some of the popular furries in it and don't feel like they themselves measure up. Again, I do this too. When I first started getting active in the fandom around 15 years ago, and I saw some awesome artists and writers and musicians and fursuiters (and community leaders like Uncle Kage), I was like, "Okay ... um.... I'll just sit in the corner here and watch and not try to annoy anyone." But the more people I interacted with and the more friends I made, the more I felt like everything was cool here and I began to relax and really enjoy the community. To sum up: 1) no fursuit or artistic skills needed; 2) yes, it is quite normal at first, especially, to feel like you are an imposter; 3) with time, that feeling will ease as you make friends, find your crew, and have more fun being furry. Some techniques to assuage your feelings? 1) don't compare yourself to other furries; there will always be furries who seem more accomplished or whatever; who cares, just do you; 2) try to catch yourself when you say things that put yourself down; when you feel yourself saying things like "I'm not good enough to ... " just stop, pause, and replace that thought with something positive about yourself (e.g., I'm a good friend; I am good company to hang out with; I'm a giving person; I am helpful, etc.); 3) socialize socialize socialize, and by this I mean talk about your feelings with others (you'll find you share much in common) and be supportive of them; find people to lean on and let them lean right back on you; 4) and a great way to feel you contribute is by volunteering at a furcon or getting involved in some furcon charity activity such as the ALS Foundation fundraiser in which many furries have become involved (I can get you in touch with people if this interests you). I'd also like to share a very excellent article from VeryWellMind that talks all about this stuff in detail. It's like a 5-minute read. And don't worry! You're doing great! You've already found a support network, and I know that the more you get involved with furries the more comfortable you will become in the community. Don't forget to have fun! That's what it's supposed to be all about!!! Big Bear Hugs, Papabear |
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