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Hello Papabear,
Hello! I have an interesting situation -- My main sona, Aryu, is a bull/deer mix. However, over time, I keep getting conflicting thoughts as to whether or not I should change him along with my other sonas. I don't really like the idea that I've gone with, and I consider changing them, however, there are a few things holding me back from changing. Those are:
There's also a flip side -- Reasons why I do want to:
All in all, it's a dilemma that's been going back and forth in my mind for awhile, and I've struggled on what to do about it. I'd like to make an adjustment to the sonas, and on the other hand, it'd also be a pain to have to re-adjust everything that came with them. Thank you, Aryu * * * Hi, Aryu, Thank you for your question. To me, the solution is obvious (and perhaps it just didn't occur to you): You can have multiple fursonas. Lots of furries have more than one fursona. You can keep Aryu for your DnD play, and you can certainly keep all the memories of Aryu, including any video recordings out there from furcons or meets. Now, all you need to do is create a second--and maybe a third or fourth!--fursona to do various other stuff with. You might think this could be confusing, but it's really not. You see, right now, Aryu is your main OC (original character), but what you do is create a new OC who becomes your main fursona and "demote" Aryu to just be a character in your RPGs. Later, you might even phase Aryu out by starting to create new adventures for whatever OC you design, introducing them to your fellow gamers and making Aryu more subordinate over time . . . or not. There's no reason you can't have two or more DnD characters. Being 19, you are bound to change fursonas with time, especially if you feel your fursonas are a reflection of you personally, because you are in a phase of your life where YOU are changing. Take me, for example. As a kid in grade school I was a wolf inspired by Kipling's character Akela. Later, in my teens and twenties, I was a dragon because I was waaaay into fantasy books. Finally, as I came to realize who I truly am as an individual, I became a bear, and that is likely where I will stay for the rest of my life. Now, just because I made these transitions sequentially, always being just one fursona at a time, this doesn't mean you can't have two or more fursonas developing in parallel to one another. I predict that when you reach your late twenties or thirties you may change fursonas again . . . or not. That's the fun of it, isn't it? You never can tell how things will work out until you get there. Make sense? If not, feel free to write again. Until then, stay furry! Bear Hugs, Papabear P.S. Hmm, rereading your letter, it seems you have other sonas? So, perhaps my reply was dumb? What do you think about what I said: making Aryu a more subordinate fursona and replacing them with a new primary OC? * * * Hello, I really wouldn’t want to do that, as for some reason I can’t bear to let that be the case, as I would feel guilty “dethroning” Aryu. He’s by design supposed to be 1 to 1 of me, aside from name and other factors. I have gone over and thought that I am overthinking the whole idea. That’s just me, though. What say you? Thanks a ton, Aryu * * * Hi, Aryu, First of all, I should say that you should never allow outside factors--people, culture, job, church--dictate to you what your fursona should be. This is about you and not anyone else. You know, there are two kinds of people in the fandom: one kind just uses fursonas as characters for role play and maybe fursuiting and such without any real emotional connection to the fursona, and the other kind has a deep, personal connection to their fursonas (the second kind usually only have one sona or perhaps a main sona and a few "background" secondary sonas). In your first letter, I thought maybe you were the first kind, but your follow-up seems to indicate that you have a deeper connection to your sona. To be clear, there is absolutely no problem with your having a hybrid. Hybrids, in fact, are common in this fandom. Often, features of not just two but of three or more species are combined into one. I mean, you could, for example, have a bear with antlers, wings, and scales. You could even create an original species altogether (as has often been done), or even combine biological and technological features (as with the popular primagens and protogens), and I have even seen people combine plants with animals. The reason you don't see people "catering" to specific animals is because it's impossible to cater to the nearly infinite possible combinations of hybrids. So what? So, if you are at, say, a con dealer's den and see merchandise pertaining to a wolf or a lion or a dragon or whatever, and you're, say, a wolf/lion hybrid, you can purchase something wolfy and something liony and there you have it. You can also easily find artists in the artists room or dealer's den and commission them to draw your OC. As for single species being more "iconic," well, I guess so. But there are also iconic hybrids out there that go back centuries, even millenia. For example:
In fact, one could easily argue that ALL anthros in the furry community are hybrids in that they are some kind of animal mixed with human characteristics. This applies less to those with feral sonas, but even they have some human attributes and could be called hybrids in that sense. I agree that you are overthinking this. Also, I say, go with your gut, and it sounds like your gut loves your fursona as it is, so why change? There really is no reason to if you don't want to. As I said, your fursona is for you. It is an expression of who you are and it is a means to show your creativity. Finally, please remember that this is supposed to be fun. If you enjoy the Aryu hybrid, then you should revel in the fun of being your character. Stop worrying so much. Does that help? Hugs, Papabear
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Hello Papabear,
My Aunt on my mom's side got married a couple years ago and they now have two young kids together. I want to be in their lives and be their cool uncle type of archetype. I want to lead them to the furry fandom by showing them animated movies and shows with anthropomorphic animals. Do you have any good recommendations to start them out with? Warrior Bird * * * Dear Warrior Bird, First off, abandon ye all notions of "leading" them to the furry fandom. It's okay to show them movies and TV shows and comic books etc., but don't do so with the goal of indoctrinating them. That's no better than the father who tries to force his bookish son to love football. If they like animated anthro movies and TV shows, great, but don't try to force it. I just wanted to be clear on that before continuing. NOW then! I think a nice approach would be to combine old school and new school films and TV. I'm just going to recommend a couple of movies so as not to overwhelm. From the Old School:
Moving ahead a bit into the 1990s, I recommend:
More recent stuff:
Okay, this is OBVIOUSLY not everything, but it hits some highlights. Also, wait until they are a bit older before showing them classics like the original Watership Down--a must-see for older teens. I would like to mention that I am thrilled that I have gotten Furry Founder Rod O'Riley to write Movies for Furries: An A to Z Guide, which will be released by my publishing house, Uncle Bear Publishing, hopefully by in time for Christmas (he's on the F's at the moment). You will definitely get a lot of helpful hints from his book when it is released! You also asked about "shows," which I take to mean TV shows, yes? There are some current popular ones in the fandom from Japan — Beastars and BNA: Brand New Animal — but these are way too mature for little kids. So are some popular furrie cartoons like Helluva Boss and, hopefully soon, Lackadaisy from the comic book by Tracy Butler. It has a pilot on YouTube LACKADAISY (Pilot) and some mini episodes, but I think money is making for a slow go. Anyway, you want something for the kids, so here's my "starter pack":
More recent animated series that furries get into include:
And, I just want to mention some puppetry stuff, including anything with Muppets (like Fraggle Rock), Bear in the Big Blue House, and of course Sesame Street. I could go on and on about this topic, but that's enough for now. Oh, there is a helpful Web page with lots of info on movies, TV shows, comic books, and Web content that appeals to furries: Popular with Furries - TV Tropes. This is not just kid stuff, but there is a lot here that is useful to peruse. Thanks for your question! I hope this was helpful. Hugs, Papabear Hello, PapaBear!
I hope this question isn't too out there, but I wanted to come by and ask a question about the fandom that has been in my mind for a while.... How would you expand, or well ... introduce the concept of anthropomorphism, and the general Furry Fandom to an entirely different place that isn't as common with those themes? Well, let's be a bit more specific.... I come from a Pakistani family (my dad's side specifically, Mom's side is Latino), and I was always curious in the future where if I go to Pakistan, or somewhere in the general South Asian region (whether it'd be Bangladesh, Nepal, Sri Lanka, or India), would it be a good idea to introduce the concepts I mentioned above? If there is a slight chance of maybe, how would I introduce it? There is a chance that there are Indian Furries, or Furries from the general subcontinent, but I doubt they're that vocal about it for reasons.... And that does make me wonder, with how different the beliefs of South Asia are, Whether it'd be the British Partition, the Religious influences, or the Minefield that is Kashmir, it might not be as good as an idea... But it still remains as an idea I want to pursue. Regardless of my ramblings, what do you think of this idea(s) I'm thinking about? I apologize in advance if this is overwhelming! I am kind of passionate about my heritage's cultures, so please excuse my ramblings! With regards, Riley. * * * Hi, Riley, At first, I thought you wanted to sway your parents toward thinking about furries and accepting you as a furry, but it sounds more like your question is how to expand the fandom into Asia. I guess you are not aware that there are several conventions in the East, including two in China, three in Taiwan, one in Singapore, one in Malaysia, two in Vietnam, and one in the Philippines. On that side of the world, there are also three Australian furcons. Check this out for recent cons: 2024 Asian Furry Convention Calendar | FurryCons.com. Now, it sounds like you believe that the West can foster the growth of the furry fandom in the East. I believe that is a misguided idea. While it is true that the modern fandom began in California, spread through the United States and into England, Germany, and the rest of Europe and even into Central and South America, two factors conspire against American influence in the Eastern fandom: 1) Cultural differences, and 2) growing anti-American sentiment in the world, a fire flamed by Trumpism. For these reasons, the spread of the fandom into Asia will come not from America but largely from Japan. Actually, when you think about it, the fandom in California did not arise spontaneously. It actually was powerfully influenced by Japan. You see, back in 1977, a couple of Founding Furs--Fred Patten and Mark Merlino--started what was called the Cartoon/Fantasy Organization. This small group of early aficionados would get together and watch anime cartoons from Japan like Kimba the White Lion and The Amazing 3. The Los Angeles branch birthed a New York City chapter, and from there it spread, starting the first APA periodicals, furry art, stories, and so on. The spread of the fandom into Southeast Asian countries comes not from America but from Japan because, I surmise, the people in areas such as Singapore and Taiwan can relate more closely to Japanese culture than Western culture (although the West certainly has an influence through the popularity of such things as Disney and Pixar animated films). Cultures in the West and Southeast Asia are more pliable to the concept of the anthropomorphic arts than Arabic and African countries. The more religiously and culturally conservative a country, the less likely it will be receptive to a wild idea such as people dressing up as talking animals. It may happen, eventually, but in drips and drabs. I have met some furries online in places like Nigeria and Lebanon, but they are deep in hiding, telling no one of their love for the anthro arts. You can understand this in some places like Nigeria (a mostly conservative Christian country), where being discovered as gay can get you literally stoned to death. In other countries, Islam specifically prohibits the depiction of sentient beings in art. This is called aniconism, and the Sahih Bukhari is very explicit about this (even though the Quran is not). This is why Muslim art (most beautifully seen in Arabic architecture) uses geometric designs, and you do not see people or animals portrayed in it. Fursuits and furry art definitely fall into the prohibited depiction of animals, so you can see that the fandom will likely not be seen in conservative Muslim countries. (This doesn't mean it's impossible. For example, Indonesia, which is the largest Muslim country in the world in terms of population, hosts Indonesia Anthro Weekend Gathering in Kabupaten Tangerang). India, on the other hand, is dominated by Hindus, Sikhs, and Christians, none of which have this prohibition of animal art, but I am at this time unaware of any furcons in that subcontinent even though India being strongly influenced by the West because of its years in the British Empire and has a culture more primed to novel ideas such as furries. The expansion of the furry fandom proceeds organically. In a world connected by the internet; the spread of media in film, television, and music; and modern-day travel, the concepts of the fandom art planted much like birds dropping plant seeds in new environments to spread non-endemic species. If the soil is not nutritive to the new plant, it won't grow; if it is rich with the loam of open mindedness, it will. If you feel like you need to encourage the spread of the fandom to places like Pakistan or Mexico (Mexico, by the way, does have a furcon, Confuror 2024 - Home), I don't think you will be able to do it quickly. What you can do is reach out to any furries you might run into online from countries that are as yet virgin furry zones. Also, be a good example of the fandom to any newbies to our community. I hope that answers your question. Bear Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear,
I hope you’re doing well. I’ve been feeling a lot of conflicting emotions lately and was hoping to hear your thoughts about something personal. Recently, I joined a furry Discord server hoping to connect with others in the community and ease my growing loneliness. While the people there are incredibly kind and supportive, I’ve found that instead of feeling more connected, being surrounded by their positivity and camaraderie has only amplified my sense of isolation. I decided to suggest a space in the server where people could openly share their struggles—a place for vulnerability and honesty—because I thought it might help people like me who feel disconnected. However, the suggestion was understandably denied for reasons I had anticipated, such as concerns over moderation, misuse, and triggering content. Now that it’s been denied, I’m reflecting on everything, and I find myself caught in a loop of feelings. On one hand, I respect the mods’ decision, and I never wanted to create a burden for them or the community. On the other hand, I can’t shake the feeling that my need for connection, and even my loneliness itself, is something selfish or shameful. I guess what I’m trying to ask is: how can I come to terms with these feelings of rejection and loneliness without internalizing them as a reflection of my worth? And how can I continue to seek connection and be honest about my struggles without feeling like a burden to others? Thank you so much for reading this. I deeply appreciate your time and guidance. Sincerely, Samuel (23, Indonesia) * * * Hi, Samuel, Thank you for your email. Quick question before I reply with a full response: Are you able to meet furries IN PERSON in Indonesia? I know there are furries in your country, but not sure whether you have been able to meet them in the real world. Bear Hugs, Papabear * * * Hi Papabear! First of all thank you for the quick response. For your information, I have two furry friends from my country (one introduced by my best friend because I write a furry story, the other I found out is one when I was going through his art social media). However, the first one is much like me, struggling to find furry friends due to: (1) financial constraints to attend Indonesian furry expos (there is IWAG [Indonesian Weekend Anthro Gathering]), (2) having a hard-time looking for a furry server where the members are from Indonesian, and (3) having a terrible experience from Indonesian furries we DID meet online (we even used the app BARQ!), which is why the two of us are so keen on joining a server or meeting one not from our country. As for the second friend, he's an anti-LGBTQ+ and I'm kinda discouraged to be friends with him, knowing that Indonesia itself has a strict religious law (so is my patriarchal and religious household). I myself have an anti-LGBTQ+ best friend that I don't mind hanging around and be vulnerable with at all (he even knows I'm a furry), but for this other friend... suffice to say that I don't want to be friends with him. When I confronted him in hopes to rekindle our friendship (literally a few days ago), he was being pretty rude, defensive, and outright disrespecting me even after saying "he respects my choice"; it's clear he didn't. And... maybe to add a bit of context to the previous message, I’ve faced significant challenges that have made it almost impossible for me to seek professional psychological help. Financial constraints have always been a big barrier, but beyond that, there’s a strong stigma in my family around mental health (and the fact religion and politics are avoided discussions in servers are not helping). Discussions about seeking therapy are often shut down with the belief that religion is the solution to all struggles, and anything beyond that is seen as unnecessary or even shameful. Ironically, I helped co-found a free counseling platform in Indonesia for almost six years now, called Berbagicerita.id, which aims to make counseling accessible for those in need. However, as the co-founder, I can’t use the platform myself because of ethical boundaries in psychology. It’s like this: when you’re working with staff you know personally, disclosing personal problems creates a conflict of interest that can affect the dynamic of future professional interactions. Even the founder, who has a difficult life too, don’t use the platform for the same reasons—it’s a boundary we all respect. While I’m incredibly proud of what we’ve built, it also leaves me in a difficult position, unable to access the kind of help I’ve been advocating for others. And if you ask me why I don't use other free counseling platforms, it's because of the same reason as well. Many of the counselors or psychologists on these platforms are often connected within the same professional network as my own platform, or they could even end up being people I’ve collaborated with in the past. The overlap makes it difficult for me to seek help without worrying about breaching boundaries or feeling self-conscious about disclosing my struggles to people who might know me personally or professionally. It’s frustrating because I truly believe in the importance of accessible mental health support—I’ve worked hard to help create it for others—but I’ve ended up in this unique and isolating position where the very system I advocate for feels inaccessible to me. That’s why I find myself turning to communities like the furry fandom, where I hope to find understanding and connection without the same layers of complication or judgment. The server modder who disclosed that my suggestion for a venting channel suggested me to find social group, but he doesn't know about this additional context/information because it's a very private information for me and I can't just disclose this to everyone in the community, even if it's just to add a context of where I'm coming from. It’s frustrating because I truly believe in the importance of accessible mental health support—I’ve worked hard to help create it for others—but I’ve ended up in this unique and isolating position where the very system I advocate for feels inaccessible to me. That’s why I find myself turning to communities like the furry fandom, where I hope to find understanding and connection without the same layers of complication or judgment. Thank you again for listening, and for taking the time to understand where I’m coming from. It means a lot to me. Sincerely, Samuel P.S. Sorry, I'm just going to make the third paragraph less confusing: And... maybe to add a bit more context to the previous message, I’ve faced significant challenges that have made it almost impossible for me to access professional psychological help. Financial constraints have always been a major obstacle, but even beyond that, my family holds a strong stigma against mental health support. In their view, religion is the ultimate solution to all struggles, and seeking therapy is often dismissed as unnecessary or even shameful. This mindset has created an environment where discussing mental health is not only avoided but actively discouraged. On top of that, the avoidance of topics like religion and politics in many online spaces, including this furry server I join, makes it even harder to express how deeply this affects me. I respect the boundary and am fully aware of it, but it doesn't make it any easier for me at all. * * * Hi, Samuel, So, which Indonesian furry groups have you tried? Have you tried:
As you are aware, living in a Muslim country means you're going to have a tough time being a furry. Frankly, it's amazing that there exists the IWAG, and I heard there was a convention called PAWAI, but it did not have a convention in 2024 and probably won't this year. So, yes, that's rough. The furry community in general overwhelmingly embraces left-leaning, liberal views, such as acceptance of LGBTQIA people. We also believe in mental health. Rough to be in such a conservative culture that finds seeking emotional or mental counseling to be a "weakness." One also finds that attitude in Catholic-dominated countries such as Mexico and conservative countries like Nigeria in Africa. With the limited number of opportunities in Indonesia currently, it will indeed be a challenge for you to connect to your local peers with what is currently available. But you already have hit upon a solution, even if you don't apparently realize it. When you saw a need for it, you cofounded Berbagicerita.id (and kudos to you for doing that!) As you stated, however, getting help from a professional group you helped to found does not really work, ethically speaking. Fortunately, that constraint doesn't apply when it comes to the furry fandom. Here are some examples from my personal experience:
When you see a need for something but you can't find any existing resources and help, create a group, service, or product yourself to fulfill that need! I guarantee that you are not the only Indonesian who is in your predicament. Start a social media page, a vlog, a podcast, a website, or such-like things and get people to come to YOU. I will even help. If you do this and want to promote it, I will give you a free banner ad on my Ask Papabear page and promote it on my social media groups. What say you? Bear Hugs, Papabear * * * Hi, Papabear, Thank you so much for your thoughtful and encouraging response. It truly means a lot to me that you not only took the time to share your experiences but also provided concrete suggestions and support. Honestly, I’ve been reading your site’s “About” section and some of the letters others have sent you, and it’s inspiring to see how much you’ve built for the furry community and the impact you’ve had over the years. It’s clear how deeply you care about creating spaces for people to feel seen and supported, and I really admire that. That said, I also want to be honest about where I’m at emotionally right now. While I deeply admire your “build what you can’t find” philosophy, it feels overwhelming to even imagine taking on that kind of responsibility at this point in my life. I feel like I’m still in the process of finding my own footing and understanding what I need to feel connected and supported. Loneliness and the lack of safe spaces to truly be vulnerable have been long-standing challenges for me. I’ve spent so much of my life navigating environments where being open about my struggles felt unsafe or even impossible, at least when I'm not with my friends which I don't have much, really. The furry fandom feels like one of the few places where acceptance and understanding are deeply valued, which is why I’ve been so drawn to it. But even here, I sometimes feel like I’m standing on the sidelines, watching others find belonging while not knowing how to step in myself without feeling like I’m asking too much. It’s as though everyone else has already traveled miles ahead on their journey of self-acceptance and connection, while I’m still stumbling at the starting line. And the last thing I want is to weigh anyone down by pretending I’ve caught up when I know deep down I haven’t. One thing I’ve realized too is that I know I’ve fallen into this habit of defining myself and my worth through my vulnerabilities—what I consider the “ugly” or broken parts of me. It’s almost as though my struggles with basically everything in this life have become a kind of shorthand for my identity, when in reality, those "ugly" things are only part of who I am. I know I’m not just a collection of struggles; I’m a multifaceted person with dreams, interests, and values that go beyond these challenges. Still, I feel like I’ve let these struggles take up so much space in how I see myself and how I present myself to others, and I guess that's why I'm so desperate for connection... I’ve also been grappling with a deeply rooted sense of what’s “ethical” when it comes to vulnerability, which only amplifies this sense of existential isolation and angst. Even in a space as welcoming and inclusive as the furry community, I can’t seem to shake the fear of being seen as a burden—of overwhelming others with my struggles or taking up too much space. This fear isn’t just fleeting; It's been a part of my principles. This kind of irrational-but- understandable fear has even triggered panic attacks in the past, where the thought of being “too much” for others (or worse, being completely forgotten) has left me paralyzed. It’s a complicated mix of self-awareness and self-doubt, really. On one hand, I recognize my struggles and understand that everyone has limits to how much they can take on emotionally (like people in any Discord server, not just furry). On the other hand, this hyper-awareness makes me hesitate to reach out at all, as if my desire for connection might outweigh someone else’s ability or willingness to hold space for me. It’s like walking a tightrope between craving meaningful relationships and being terrified of what they might cost—whether that cost is pushing someone away, feeling rejected, or confirming my worst fear: that I’m fundamentally too much to handle. Underneath all this is a deeper longing to break free from cycles of hatred, both external and internal. I’m exhausted from hating parts of myself that I didn’t choose and from feeling like those same parts make me an outsider. And I’m equally tired of the unspoken battles with judgment, both within myself and from others, that make vulnerability feel like a double-edged sword. I just want to exist as I am—flawed, complex, and human—without fear that my authenticity will hurt or alienate the very people I want to connect with. But then again, vulnerability is not always appreciated, and boundaries exist, and I can’t expect everyone to have the capacity or the energy to handle what I bring to the table. And since I'm too self-aware of everything, I understand that very well. and I deeply respect people’s right to protect their own emotional well-being. But at the same time, it’s hard not to wonder where that leaves me—how I can navigate these boundaries without shutting myself off entirely. I want to honor both my needs and the needs of others, but finding that balance feels like an impossible puzzle one of these digital days. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m looking for guidance on how to move forward when it feels like everything is weighing me down. How do I approach building meaningful connections without being consumed by fear or self-doubt? How do I allow myself to be vulnerable in ways that feel healthy and ethical, for both myself and those around me? And perhaps most importantly, how do I stop defining myself by my struggles and instead learn to embrace the full scope of who I am? Thank you again for your kindness and for offering to help. Your willingness to listen and share your wisdom has already made me feel a little less alone, and I’m incredibly grateful for that. Sincere Hugs, Samuel * * * Dear Samuel, I understand that creating a social group and leading it is not for everyone. Don't feel bad about that. Next question: What do you feel are your "vulnerabilities" and "weaknesses"? What qualities do you feel others are judging you for--and, more importantly--are YOU judging yourself for? pbear * * * Dear Papabear, To answer your question, I would say that my vulnerabilities often lie in how deeply I feel and experience things. It’s like I’m constantly walking around with raw emotions, sometimes even when I don’t want to. It makes it difficult to function normally or engage with others without feeling like my emotions are too overwhelming, not just for me, but for those around me too. I find myself hyper-aware of this, as if my emotional intensity might somehow spill over into every interaction or space I enter, which is one of the reasons I’ve often kept my struggles hidden or downplayed them. I also judge myself for the times when I feel like I’m too much to handle. Whether it’s being too vulnerable, too emotional, or too open about my challenges, there’s this constant nagging voice that tells me I’m asking too much from others. It's like there’s always this internal weighing of whether my need for connection is valid or just a burden. That makes me hold back from being authentic sometimes, because I fear that if I let it all show, people will pull away or even look at me with pity or judgment. I think I also carry around this fear of being judged for the very parts of me I find hardest to accept—my flaws, my mental health struggles, and the moments when I just feel lost. It’s hard to separate those things from my identity, and I often wonder if others are seeing me through that lens, too. I’m afraid that I’m defined only by the parts of me I wish I could change or get rid of. But at the same time, I know that these “vulnerabilities” don’t define me as a whole person. They’re just pieces of a larger puzzle that I haven’t fully figured out yet. That’s why I sometimes feel so conflicted about being vulnerable—because I’m still trying to make sense of it all, to figure out which parts of me deserve to be seen and shared, and which parts need more healing before they can be part of my connection with others. I’m still young and learning how to balance those feelings and not let them take up all the space in my life. I want to move toward a place where I can accept both the beauty and the brokenness of who I am, and where I don’t feel so deeply judged by myself or by others for being human. I hope this gives you a clearer sense of what I’m grappling with, and I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Apologies in advance if everything about my letter getting too heavy or philosophical at this point. Warmly, Samuel * * * Hi, Samuel, My next question is perhaps rather obvious: Have you ever been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum? Pbear * * * Hi, Papabear No, I have not. I've never been diagonosed with anything (neurologically and psychologically). Samuel * * * Tell me, do you have any of these symptoms? Signs and Symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorder | Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) | CDC pbear * * * I've just read the website. I don't think I used to display any of these symptoms back when I was a kid because I wasn't afraid to make friends back then. I just asked my mom and she said I've been shy since I was a baby. She also said that I'm always the one approached first and not the one approaching, that I'd even hide behind people if I make eye contact. I guess looking back at the friendships I made during my school years, even now that I've finished college, it makes sense. Samuel * * * Well, it sounds like you are simply shy, which is different from being autistic, of course. I was very shy as a child, too, and as a teen. I was terrified of speaking in public, but I overcame this. How? By becoming a zoo docent. A docent, if you don't know, is a volunteer who talks to guests about exhibits, such as at museums and zoos. I was a docent at the Detroit Zoo and then the Potter Park Zoo in Lansing, Michigan. To be a docent, you have to take a class to learn about the animals on exhibit and also basics of zoology and the environment. When you finish the class, you can give tours and school visits and other presentations for the zoo society, which, of course, means public speaking. The reasons why this helped me overcome my fear of speaking in front of groups were that I knew the subject matter and I cared about what I was telling people. Once you have these factors in your pocket, it dramatically reduces your fears because you gain confidence in your material. At least, that was true in my case. I think it was for others, too. To reduce shyness, you therefore require confidence in yourself. How does one accomplish this? Several ways:
How does this solve your problem? You will find it true that people who are desperate for companionship exude an air of desperation that is offputting to others and drives them away. When you are no longer desperate for company, people gravitate to you. There is something extremely attractive about someone who is comfortable in their own skin. They feel genuine, and genuine people tend not to be fakes and liars, which is also very appealing. Even though you still have the issue of limited socializing opportunities in Indonesia, this is the start of helping you not only to connect to others but also to not feel desperate when you do not do so quickly because you are fine on your own. He who is comfortable being alone with himself will never be lonely. Thoughts? pbear * * * Dear Papabear, I’ve read through your suggestions carefully, and I've written and rewritten this reply for almost three hours. I have to admit that you’ve hit on some truths I’ve been reluctant to fully admit to myself. I'm not just shy, but I do also struggle with overcoming shyness itself, though I think my situation is also worsened by a history of overthinking, self-hatred, and self-doubt that often spirals into fear of judgment or rejection. What you’re saying about mindfulness, self-acceptance, and letting go of the need for external validation, however, really resonates with me, even if it feels like a steep hill to climb right now. I think one of my biggest challenges is the constant internal push-and-pull between wanting to connect deeply with others and fearing that I’m too much to handle. It’s like I know, intellectually, that I shouldn’t define myself by other people’s perceptions or approval, but emotionally, it’s harder to internalize that. You’re right: this fear of rejection and the pressure to “be enough” causes me to act in ways that probably come across as desperate, even if I don’t mean to. Your reminder that self-confidence and authenticity naturally draw people in is going to be something I’ll try to keep in mind as I work on myself. Your story about being a zoo docent was also comforting to hear. I think a big part of my struggle is that I’ve let my fears hold me back from taking those kinds of risks; whether it’s joining a group or starting a conversation. Reading about how you overcame your shyness reminds me that change is possible, but only if I’m willing to take the first step voluntarily. You're also... very right about how I spend a lot of time in my head, analyzing every little thing I say or do and how others might interpret it. This overthinking keeps me stuck and prevents me from taking meaningful action, whether it’s pursuing friendships or simply allowing myself to enjoy the moment. Reflecting on this now reminds me of the time I used to struggle a lot with anger, which I'm pretty sure may have been linked to undiagnosed intermittent explosive disorder (IED) and was heavily influenced by my environment. Growing up, my "family dynamics" played a big role in shaping my emotional responses. Constant tension, my parents’ fights, and the emotional outlet my brother and I became... I experienced punishment, neglect, or criticism over small things, like getting wet in the rain or taking a bath "clumsily," and that emotional strain built up over time. As I got older and my brother distanced himself, I became even more isolated in my frustration. While I can acknowledge how my environment influenced me, I also realize that I was the agent of my own anger; just as I am right now the agent of my own criticism. It was exhausting, and at some point, I just decided to let go because I don't want to be like my mother, although she's better now despite her still-suffocating religious principles. I still have moments of irritation, of course, but they’re far less intense than they used to be. And now, thinking about what you’ve said, I realize how much mental space I still give to these loops of self-reflection—why this, why that. Maybe just like I stop letting my anger control me, I should also stop letting my crticisms control me. Maybe I should also internalize the idea that I don't want to be what my parents made me do to myself. Maybe I should also admit that it’s mentally draining to constantly question whether I’ve shared too much or if my vulnerability is a burden to others. I think my shyness often comes from this fear of opening up too far, too fast, and then being judged for it. Perhaps I should care less about whether I’ve revealed too much or if others are silently judging me. Maybe that way I can actually start to connect with people in a way that feels genuine instead of forced or guarded. Do it not too slow, not too fast, but just the right amount: at its own pace. Finally, your point about being “alone” vs. “lonely” really hit home. I’ve always struggled to be comfortable in my own company, and it often turns into brooding or self-criticism rather than a chance to recharge. I’m realizing that if I can be at peace with my own presence, it’ll help with everything else—self-acceptance, confidence, and connecting with others without relying on validation. Thank you again for your kindness and honesty. You’ve given me a lot to think about and work on, and while I know change won’t happen overnight, I feel like I have a much better sense of where to start now. Warmly, Samuel * * * Hi, Samuel, Well, I don't think I said this would be easy. I really only started to come into my own truth about 10 years ago. I spent 50 years feeling miserable and trying to please others. It never works. You have to be who you are and accept who you are. IMHO, one of the best paths to do this is to learn about Buddhism. Buddhism is a philosophy, not a religion, and teaches us mindfulness and acceptance of ourselves and the universe. Another good path is Wicca, which is a modern version of traditional "pagan" beliefs as they were once followed by the Druids. You can also study the Stoics, which I have found helpful. Good luck to you. Pbear Greetings, Papabear,
I've written to you before on different issues. This time, however, is a lot more serious. Early in the morning on January 7th one of my best friends passed away in a sudden and severe house fire. There is still an active investigation on the scene. She, her mother, and her father are all believed to be dead. The night before, neighbors reported hearing possible gunshots. Her father was not a very good person; me and my friends suspect he caused whatever started the fire. This question doesn't have much to do with the fandom, and I apologize. But how do I go forward from this? I can't focus at school, Grief counselors have been pulling me every week; I feel sick when I eat; and I can't sleep. What do I do? I can't continue normally, and I don't know how to start doing so when every thought is about her. Thank you, Floppy * * * Dear Floppy, This will probably involve more than one correspondence. Firstly, my condolences for your loss. What a tragic thing to happen. I have a couple of questions for you, if you don't mind. First of all, what do you mean you "believe" that your friend and her parents are dead? Were bodies not discovered? Is there a chance she is still alive and simply fled? This happened 9 days ago, so surely their fates should be known by now. Secondly, do you know whether a police investigation is ongoing? And do you have any newspaper or online stories on this incident you could forward to me? Finally, what does "counselors have been pulling me" mean? I'm unfamiliar with the use of "pulling" in that context. Do you mean you have been talking to counselors weekly? At the moment, without these answers, I don't feel I can give you an accurate response, but my first impression is that there are a lot of things hanging in the air unanswered. And one thing that can help you is knowing the answers, which can provide a step going forward towards what they often call "closure." Let's talk some more soon. Bear Hugs, Papabear * * * Greetings, Papabear, My family was directly informed on her passing; however, they have not released the names to the general public, and because we aren't direct relatives, we haven't been given a "for sure" answer about her parents, only her. Its pretty obvious at this point that her parents are gone as well, and anyone close to her has come to this conclusion. We recently had a big snow event in Alabama, and it has slowed down the investigation. Cause of death has not been released to the public, and my mom hasn't been informed on any changes. The investigation is still active/ongoing. Counselors have been taking me out of class in school weekly (sometimes days on end) to question me or just sit with me. Floppy * * * Hi, Floppy, Thank you for the quick reply. I don't know what the counselors have been telling you, but here is my take on it as someone who has also faced the sudden and unexpected loss of someone close to them. 1) As I said previously, it will help you some to know, once the investigation is done, what exactly happened. When someone dies suddenly, it can provoke feelings of anxiety if you don't find answers because we, as humans, want to understand why horrible things happen. It helps us make a little sense of the tragedy and eases our upset. 2) Did you have any unresolved feelings or concerns between you and your friend? Things you wish you had said but now can never say to her? If so, it may help you a lot to write them down in a journal or to express those feelings to someone you trust. It really does help to release those things in actual words and not bottle them up inside. 3) If there is a memorial service and/or funeral, I encourage you to attend. Ceremonies help us to find release through closure as well. 4) You might also have your own private ceremony. Just you and your friend who is now in spirit. Go somewhere private. Take a photo with you of your departed friend. And talk to her one on one. Another ceremony I think is nice is to get a helium balloon from a local store, write a note of goodbye, tie it to the balloon, and release it to Heaven. 5) If you are a religious person, talk to your minister or priest or other spiritual leader. 6) Did you have shared friends? You might get them together and share your memories of your friend together and give each other hugs. 7) Allow yourself to cry. 8) Allow yourself to get angry. 9) Allow yourself to feel depressed. 10) DO NOT listen to people who say things like "Get over it," "When are you going to stop being depressed?" "They are in a better place now" (a horrible thing to tell a grieving person) or other such cliches. There is no time limit on grief. Grieve in your own time and, slowly, you will feel better on your own time schedule, NOT someone else's. I mean, it has been not even 10 days. You're allowed to be sad and to have a hard time focusing on daily activities. THIS IS NORMAL. So don't freak out about it. Remember, having "closure" is not the same as having open-ended grief. When I say "closure" I mean that you have come to terms with the fact that someone is now gone, but you will always carry a little sadness in your heart and that can last for years or even a lifetime, but it will ease over time to a bearable level. 11) Do not neglect your health. Eat normally, get rest, and exercise. Taking care of your body will also help in taking care of your mental and emotional health. The three are tied together. As part of this, do not indulge in drugs, booze, or overeating bad food. My sister dealt with grief with booze and now she is an alcoholic. Not good! 12) Seek an ongoing support group. Don't isolate yourself. Seek comfort in the friends and family who are still with you. Tell them they don't have to give you advice (indeed, people often feel pressured that they have to advise you, and they don't know what to say, which can just make things awkward), just hugs are enough and listening to you. 13) Allow yourself to experience little pleasures in life that cheer you, whatever those might be. Don't feel guilty if you experience moments of joy and pleasure. It's okay. You have me, too. I know what you are going through and you can write me any time, Lily. I hope this helps. Bear Hugs, Papabear Dear Furiends,
As Papabear orbits the sun for his 60th time, I'm reflecting on all that has changed since I arrived on this planet in 1965. Here is a summary of life in America and the world at the time I was born . . . When I was born, The Beatles were at their height; Bob Dylan released "Like a Rolling Stone," and The Who released "My Generation"; miniskirts were the rage; Star Trek TOS had not even aired yet, but the pilot, "Where No Man Has Gone Before," was reworked and filmed in the version we know today; Frank Herbert published Dune; The Sound of Music is released, as is A Charlie Brown Christmas; JFK had been dead 2 years; but his presence was still felt in America; NASA had launched Gemini 3, the first multiperson spacecraft, Gemini 4, the first American spacewalk (astronaut Ed White), and Gemini 5, the first manned weeklong mission, Gemini 6 and 7 perform first rendezvous in space, Ranger 8 had scoped out the Moon for landing sites, Mariner 4 flies by Mars to give us our first close-up photos of the Red Planet, and the SNAP-10 became the first nuclear-powered spacecraft; meanwhile, Soviet cosmonaut Alexei Leonov performed the first spacewalk; women still didn't have the right to own a credit card without their husbands name on it, and we were 8 years away from Roe v. Wade still, but the SCOTUS ruled that the banning of contraceptives under Connecticut law was unconstitutional; also 4 years away was Stonewall, and anti-sodomy laws (really, anti-gay laws) were the rule in most states, although in 1961, Illinois had banned such laws, the first state to back off of homosexuality being illegal; in good news, the Voting Rights Act of 1965 had just been passed; Johnson signs the Social Security Act of 1965, which established Medicare and Medicaid for the first time; but Vietnam was an escalating nightmare, and the U.S. was criticized by the international community for using chemical weapons against the Vietcong; Muhammad Ali successfully argued against being drafted on the principle that he was a pacifist (kudos!); Johnson makes burning your draft card a crime punishable by 5 years in prison (the draft doesn't end until 1973); the Watts Riots cause civil unrest in the country for a week; President Johnson signed the Nationality and Immigration Act of 1965, which basically removed the restriction placed on allowing immigrants from entering the country from certain places, especially Asians and eastern and southern Europeans; Johnson also signs Executive Order 11246, banning employment discrimination based on race; he also signs the Motor Vehicle Air Pollution Control Act, the first federal law controlling car emissions; an 8.7 earthquake had devastated Alaska, and a 7.4 earthquake killed 500 people in Chile; Canada--get this!--had just adopted its maple leaf flag! The Cold War was getting nightmarish, with the USSR testing a nuclear weapon in Kazakhstan; in Alabama, Governor "Dickhead" Wallace, in his efforts to stop Dr. King's Selma to Montgomery march, approved what became Bloody Sunday, with cops beating the marchers with clubs and whips until they finally forced them to stop at the Edmund Pettus Bridge; in the tech and science world, the first magnetic video tape recorder to be commercially available to the public, the Ampex VRX-1000, was released; Arno Penzias and Robert Wilson at Bell Labs discovered cosmic microwave background radiation, solid evidence supporting the Big Bang Theory; the first portable defibrillator is used in Belfast; the first all-news channel, WINS 1010AM in New York, began broadcasting, and The Today Show became the first TV program broadcast via satellite; the first computer dating service is debuted by a joint MIT/Harvard University venture (so blame them); the first pushbutton telephone had come out only 2 years ago, and the first video game, Pong, would not come out by Atari until 1971. As you can see, life was very different. We made a lot of progress since the 1960s, but now much of that progress is being threatened by those who resent the strides in civil rights we have made. I often get nostalgic for the 60s and 70s, but as you can see, there was a lot of stuff that was not so great during those years, years that those born in the 21st century would feel like a totally different reality. The Trump Administration and Republicans want to take us back to a time before women's rights, immigration rights, LGBTQ rights, and more. As much as there was some cool stuff back in the 60s, such as with the music scene, I do not want to see 60 years of progress erased. Profound changes seem on the nearby horizon. Powerful countries like Russia and China appear to be imploding under the weight of their own corruption, but if we are not careful, the USA might follow their lead. While all this is going down, the furry community needs to stick together more than ever. We will inevitably find ourselves targets of the hate as part of the culture wars that the Republicans are waging to distract Americans from the fact that the rich are robbing the middle class into extinction. To help support the furry community, I have started a new group called Furries for Freedom. At the moment, it is only a Facebook group, but I will be starting a website soon and spreading to other social media. Our goal is to support the furry community, educate them on their rights, report on news related to our freedoms and rights, and to in general be there for those who need friends. Together, we can make it through this. Bear Hugs, Papabear  Dear Furiends,
To all of those who will be spending their holidays and New Year with friends and family, you are blessed, and I wish you a wonderful Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Yule or whatever occasion you enjoy. But this message is for all of those who are lonely, sick, depressed, or broke this year. Papabear understands. This is a rough year for many, including me. I lost my sister and a good friend this year; I lost my dog, Ernie, last year. And it's hard to celebrate New Year's knowing that an insane, senile, narcissistic dictator will sit in the White House AGAIN in 2025. Anger and hostility and rabid nationalism are on the rise in America (encouraged and enflamed by the Orange Cancer), and it will affect the furry community in a bad way, guaranteed (which is why it pisses this bear off when furries attack their own fandom; we have enough trouble with the normies and don't need you to add to it). These are troubling times. Frankly, if you are succumbing to despair, I feel for you. To be honest, Christmas brings this bear little joy anymore. I sent out dozens of Christmas cards this year (as I do every year), and do you know how many I got? Five. And one of those was from my insurance guy. My sister has succumbed to alcoholism and has become a TERF, a hater, like so many in this country, and she has cut me out of her life and won't even talk to me. I also lost my dear friend, Dineegla Moose, just as he was getting ready to attend MFF, and earlier this year, we all lost Mark Merlino, a key founder of this fandom if not the man singly most responsible for its existence. I have decorated, and cooked, and spent a buttload of money on gifts as I do every Christmas, but there is little joy in it for me, I confess, and certainly no return on my efforts except for one gift under the tree from my hubby (the last person in my life who is really in my life), and I already know what it is ... so ... no surprises (but that's okay, my love). I'm feeling a lot of empathy for Ebenezer Scrooge, honestly. I miss the joy of my childhood Christmases so much that my heart aches, a past filled with family and cheesy Christmas decorations and cat and dog companions; a holiday of claymation TV shows and saccharine holiday specials; a time when I wasn't worried about inflation and my withering income's inability to meet expenses and global warming. If you're like me, you probably sometimes fantasize about giving Christmas the middle finger right up Santa's butthole. But here's the thing, my dear troubled readers. The world needs you not to give up. Because if we all give in to the dark monster of despair, we will never recover from this downward spiral we are currently in. This is why I still do what I do. It is why I continue this column; it is why I work on my Facebook groups for Greymuzzles and Silvermuzzles; it is why I run the Good Furry Awards; it is why I get up each morning and take care of my 76-year-old husbear and all his needs. That's what Santa does. He doesn't do his worldwide labors for plaudits and rewards. He does it because the world needs a little joy and wonder. So, I am asking all of you: Be like Santa. I know it's hard, but we need to step up when no one else will and keep the light on and the flames glowing and the noms baking in the oven. Because if we don't do it, who will? I'm not asking you to spend money and wrap a bunch of gifts. I'm asking you to be a good friend to others, whether these are family members or coworkers or classmates or dear pets. Give people hugs. Be polite to others. Give a parking spot in a crowded lot to someone else. Give someone a compliment on their appearance or something they have done. Tell a joke to lighten the mood. Share your cookies. Every little thing counts. Recently, I watched the movie Red One. If you haven't seen it, the center of the story is that Santa's chief ELF worker, Callum Drift (played by the endearing Dwayne Johnson) feels like retiring after about five centuries of service because all the humans around him seem petty and selfish and without Christmas spirit. Santa is then kidnapped by the Christmas Witch, Grýla (a figure from Icelandic folklore, in case you wondered), who believes, like Krampus, that the world would be a better place if all the nasty humans were punished instead of being given joy as Santa believes. Long story short, she is defeated (not a spoiler; it's a Christmas movie), and Callum regains his spirit of Christmas. A key to the defeat of the witch is Santa commanding his reindeer with the single word: KAVALAME! What the heck does kavalame mean? This is not really explained in the movie, but the word is a very clever device by the writers. Interestingly, it is not from Norse mythology (much of Christmas lore has northern European roots) but from Greek. Kavala was an important city in ancient Greece, and St. Nicholas was of Greek descent. More on point, though, is kavalame's connection to the Sanskrit word kavalam, meaning "only" and key to the phrase baba nam kavalam, meaning "only the name of the beloved," or more poignantly, "love is all there is." Or, as the Beatles sang, "All you need is love." Love defeats the nasties out there like Grýla and Krampus. For Christmas, dear readers, that is my gift to you: Love. I am entrusting it to you because it is a precious gift. It is also a magical gift because you can give it to others over and over and, like Willie Wonka's everlasting gobstopper, it never runs out. Because in the end, despite the crass commercialism of modern Christmas, the hordes of Christmas shoppers clogging the roads and malls, the political turmoil, the social unrest spread by the Convicted Felon Doofus "President," the wars and pollution and hate that seems all around us, there is one thing they can never steal from you, and that is the love in your heart. I love you furs. And I love this fandom. And as long as I have breath in my lungs and blood in my veins, I will be here for you if you need me. Yours in Bear Spirit, Papabear Dear Papabear,
I'm probably not the sort of fur you usually get questions from, but I'm hoping you can give me a little advice. Soon both of my parents will be gone. Dad passed five years ago and mom just entered hospice. They both were mentally and physically abusive, something they never admitted or attempted to make right. It's taken me decades to process and overcome the abuse. My brother never did and I've witnessed him exhibit some of the same abusive behaviors with his own children. Over the Thanksgiving holiday my brother mentioned that he was alone. He's divorced, in awful health, and more or less estranged from his two kids. He seemed to be asking for help and, being a helpful fox I want to do something... but can and should I? I'm thinking of laying it out on the table for him... telling him he needs to seek counseling, he needs to hear and accept his children's feelings, and most of all change. But am I rushing in where foxes shouldn't tread? I've mostly dealt with my demons, am I opening old wounds when I can't really do any good? Yours, Foxfire * * * Dear Foxfire, Thank you for your intriguing email. I am not unfamiliar with situations like your own in which an estranged family member tries to make their way back into your life. The first question you must ask yourself is this: Are they only doing this because they need money or to otherwise take advantage of you, or are they sincerely reconnecting? For example, someone close to me has a son who cut off ties because his father came out as gay, but this son occasionally contacts him--not because he misses him, but because he wants to hit him up for money. How touching. On the other paw . . . It is an unfortunate truth that oftentimes a victim of childhood abuse like your brother will, when they become parents themselves, abuse their children in turn. I believe the statistic is about one-third become abusers. You didn't, but your brother did. Unlike your brother, you did the homework to deal with the psychological scars head on. As you know, that is a lot of work and takes a lot of time. Your brother, though, did not deal with his feelings, and so, as is often the case with people who don't deal with their emotions, those negative feelings have to come out, and they can do so in violent ways. My sister did something similar. She was raped by our grandfather when she was a girl and never really dealt with it, so she became an alcoholic and a very angry person instead. Because your brother did not deal with his issues, it has cost him his wife, his children, and his health. Now he has hit bottom. What is actually a promising sign, however, is that he is now reaching out to you for help. As long as the warning signs I mentioned above (asking for money and so forth) don't come out, I think you would be a good brother to offer him a shoulder to lean on. You don't have to go way out of your way to do this. Just listen, give him a sympathetic ear. Maybe see if you can help him find a good counselor, because you are right: What he really needs is some good, solid, professional guidance on the one hand and a bit of emotional help (you) on the other. Obviously, this doesn't mean you are "taking his side" or condoning what he did to his kids. I'm thinking a heart-to-heart between you two will show that, deep down, he knows what he did was wrong, and there is a good chance he really doesn't understand why he did it. He just knew he was in pain and he didn't know how to handle it in a healthy way. A good place to start is the website Help for Adult Victims of Child Abuse. Perhaps, if you have not done so yourself — and even though you seem to be coping pretty well — you could benefit from looking this over, too. Maybe do so before you talk to your brother. To answer your question, then: Yes, be there for your brother if you can. More than almost anyone in the world, you will understand him because you grew up in the same household. Don't be preachy or pushy. Just start by telling him he can talk to you, and you will listen. Then, perhaps go on this journey together of talking to counselors. Even though you are okay (it seems, mostly), if you do this together that will be of IMMENSE help to your brother — and bless you for doing so. This is a bit of a tricky road, though. Make sure he doesn't take advantage of you but do be there for him emotionally. Do you think you can manage that? It is okay if you feel like, emotionally, you are not up for a task that can be a pretty hefty burden, so don't feel guilty if you honestly don't think so. But if you do, that would be a terrific thing to do. Let me know if the above helps or you have more questions. Bear Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear,
Some months back, Soatok published this article on the explosive growth of the Fandom. What are your thoughts on it, and the discussion surrounding it? Can we fight these problems? How? Is it too late? Boyesh * * * Dear Boyesh, Thank you for your email and sorry for the slow reply! An interesting and timely question, and thank you for asking. The fandom is, indeed, growing by leaps and bounds, and a number of furcons have extremely high attendance rates. However, as much as I like Soatok, I think they are spazzing out a bit. Yes, Midwest Furfest had over 15,000 attendees, but compared to Comic-Con in San Diego, which had about 135,000 fans this year, it's peanuts. New York's Comic-Con had even more at 200,000 attendees in 2022. You don't see people giving up on comic-cons, do you? So why would they give up on furcons that have a tenth of the attendance? Instead of treating attendance as if it were a problem, we should treat it as an opportunity. There are many things that can be done. One of these has already been deployed by Anthrocon in Pittsburgh. Uncle Kage recently announced that in 2025 they are going to cap attendance to keep the crowds at a safe level (respective of such things as fire regulations, hotel considerations, and general enjoyment of the attendees). Other large cons such as Midwest Furfest and Furry Weekend Atlanta might follow the same strategy in the near future, I would surmise. Although, on the other paw, maybe they will just grow into furry versions of Comic-Con. This doesn't mean that furries are out of luck in attending furcons. There are lots of smaller cons, and new cons are being created. For example, in Southern California where this bear is from, when Califur shut its doors, it was soon replaced by Golden State Furcon in Los Angeles and, this year, Another Furry Con debuted in Ontario (California, not Canada). Up in the Bay Area, when Further Confusion started getting large, we saw overflow go to PAWCon. The same thing can easily happen in states like Pennsylvania. Satellite cons could open up to welcome furries who could not, for whatever reason, make AC. The headline of Soatok's article ("Furries Are Losing the Battle Against Scale") is self-defeating and presumptuous. What are our options here? Well, one option would be to see the number of furries decline, risking what happened to the Bronies when their convention closed and now they have no cons. Second option is things stay the same, which isn't likely but would mean we'd go along as we are, which isn't so bad. And Option 3 is that we continue to grow, which is a testimony to the success and popularity of the furry fandom and should be celebrated, not mourned. Soatok notes that furry attendance at cons and meets etc. is growing at about 10% annually, which means it will double in 7 years. They then compare this to the 0.8% growth of overall world population, concluding that furry growth is unsustainable. Soatok then predicts that: 1) Furcons will become accessible only to tech-savvy and wealthy furries; attendance costs will rise; hotels will become too crowded; and furries will get stressed and start fighting with each other. First of all, chill out. Of the over 100 furcons going on these days, only 7 have attendance rates exceeding 5,000 while over half have attendance rates under 1,000. Yes, a few cons are over-attended, a hazard of being a popular and well-run convention. Most still have plenty of room to grow. Soatok says that convention growth (in terms of total hotel rooms) is flat and that we will therefore get crushed under a flood of furries swarming to conventions. I beg to differ. In a very helpful article on the Fang, Feather, & Fin website from 2022, Gale Frostbane notes that there were 11 conventions in the 1990s, 52 in the 2000s, 138 in the 2010s. This seems to be leveling off now, true, but there are two big reasons: 1) The COVID-19 pandemic, and 2) the rise of virtual conventions such as Furality (which had over 21,000 attendees this year). But just because furcon space is a bit stagnant at the moment does not mean it always will be. This is, I believe, a blip. An adjustment. Things will happen to cause more furcons to open, older ones to diversify and adjust, and alternatives to cons (such as furmeets and parties and camps) to make themselves available. Already things are happening that indicate Soatok is jumping the gun on offering dire warnings of impending doom. Hotels and convention centers, for example, will not permit attendance to get so huge that no one can get on an elevator or walk through a hallway because they will be crushed by stampeding footpads. As Uncle Kage and the AC staff wisely decided, there will need to be caps similar to what they do with Comic-Con. The idea that cons will only be accessible to tech savvy and wealthier furries is a rather silly point. Most furries are tech savvy already, and there are ways to get around money issues in attending cons to make them more affordable. As for furries fighting among each other, well, I gotta laugh. We already fight with each other about silly things, and we already have issues that divide us, such as the young furs vs. greymuzzle disputes or arguments about whether we should permit furporn or do you have to have a fursona or a fursuit to be furry and on and on. If the furry fandom is going to survive, it has to grow. And as it grows, it has to evolve. It is already hugely different from when I first started getting active in the 2000s, and it will be hugely different 20 years from now compared to what it is today. Because there is no organizing force behind our fandom like there is behind other fandoms (e.g. Whovians, Potterheads, Trekkers), one should expect it to be a raging mess of chaos. That can be seen as a weakness or it could be valued as a strength. My advice? If you really really want to go to a large convention, book as early as you possibly can and/or find a friend who has been before and ask if you can room with them. But remember there are dozens of furcons that are much smaller and manageable in size. You can have a wonderful experience at conventions that have, say, 500 to 1,500 attendees. You know, I have never been to San Diego's Comic-Con, and I have absolutely no desire to. I despise crowds. So, instead, I went to the tiny Palm Springs Comic-Con and had a super time! You can also attend furmeets or camps or virtual cons. If there is nothing in your area but there are furries nearby, start your own meetup! What's to stop you? We are going through growing pains. But while Soatok is correct in noting that we have some rough waters ahead, they are incorrect to start fearmongering and make furries feel that the future of furcons is bleak. It is not. It's just different, that's all. The future of the fandom will continue to see conventions of all shapes and sizes. I hope that answers your question. Bear Hugs! Papabear I am saddened that the majority of Americans prefer a white man with a record of tax evasion, molestation, fraud, criminality, and disloyalty to American ideals over a woman who is ethnic and has a clean record as an upstanding citizen. I anticipate there will be a lot of unpleasant days ahead of us, especially for women, LGBTQIA people, immigrants, and anyone else who is not a white male fake Christian in America.
If the results of this election are causing you stress, I understand 100%. If you want to talk about it, please feel free to write me any time and your letter will go to the top of my pile when it comes to this issue. Now more than ever, we furries need to stand together. |
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An excellent article on coming out LGBT to Christian parents.
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