Furry Isn't about Hiding Identity, It's about REVEALING It

Papabear,

I am a Jehovah's Witness as well as both my parents and sibling. I have recently told them I'm a furry. It kinda flew over my dad's head and he is just impressed by my partial. My mom however had a lot of questions about what a furry is. I told her to do her own research on the fandom. The next day, she said it seemed very community-based and that she doesn't want me interacting with strangers, especially in a fandom that revolves around hiding your identity. Her reasoning is reasonable, and I want to obey her wishes, but I also want to experience the community and socialize with people who share the same interests as me.

Sakura (age 14)

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Dear Sakura,

Your mother is right that this is a community-oriented fandom. She is wrong that it is about "hiding your identity." Quite the opposite. Furry is a way to explore your true self, to examine your dreams and feelings without the stigma of people judging you by your appearance, age, race, nationality, gender, or sex. When I say this, of course, I'm just talking about fursuits and/or people using their avatars in online interactions. When you're at a con or meet in person, most people are not fursuiting and you can see exactly who they are, although they will likely want you to call them by their fursona names.

Your mother is assuming that a mask is intended to hide something, like a bankrobber wearing a ski mask, so it might sound ironic that fursonas do the opposite. They are very freeing. They allow you to drop your inhibitions, anxieties, and fears of being judged and to present yourself in ways that feel more genuine. This fosters interpersonal relationships rather than hindering them. The REAL masks in our society are not the ones made of foam and fur; they are the fake facades that people like politicians and businessmen and the pious put on to impress others. Have you ever, for example, watched a politician give a speech about how All-American and Apple Pie and Moral they are, only to see them be caught later cheating on their wives or stealing money from their political campaigns for personal use? THAT is a mask. Or the mask that a Catholic priest wears, the one of piety and virginity, only to be ripped away when they are found fornicating with young choir boys. Or the businessman who sets up a charity, only to be discovered that he did it for a tax write off and to give his moronic, useless children jobs as executives of said charity. This stuff happens all the time, and the masks worn are invisible.

The masks furries wear are there not to conceal but to reveal. They can make you braver, more playful, and definitely less self-conscious. The first time I ever did karaoke, for example, was in fursuit. I sang The Bare Necessities from The Jungle Book on stage at a furcon while in suit. Something I would never have been brave enough to do just as me. It was a blast! When I'm in fursuit, strangers from the very old to the very young come up to me and hug me. It's bonding and touching and sweet. Do you think someone would just walk up to 6-foot tall, 58-year-old, pasty-white Kevin Hile and give him a hug? Not likely. And they sure would back off if I walked up to them and tried to hug them!

Furry isn't about hiding. It's about opening up to others, freeing yourself from social constraints and expectations, and being YOU.

If you don't believe me, perhaps you will believe science. There have been studies, for example, that demonstrate that participating in the fandom helps those on the Autism Spectrum. Here is a link to the FurScience page about that. If it helps people with autism, think of what it does for people who are not neurodivergent.

Not to criticize, but you kind of made a mistake when you told your mother to go do her own research. What you should do, Sakura, is YOUR own research and then share it with your mom. Please share this email with her, and if she has ANY questions, feel free to tell her she can write to Papabear.

Hugs!
Papabear
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