Haters Gonna Hate so Here Are 7 Ways to Improve Self-Esteem

Papapbear,

Why am I bullied and BARKED at by everybody else in 5th grade? When I walk in the halls, why does everyone glare at me and gossip behind my back? Why am I always last to be picked for gym class for a team? Why do I feel useless and incapable because people say so? Why do I feel so weak when I cant say "stop it" to their faces? Am I in the wrong?

Sawyer (age 11)

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Dear Sawyer,

If you are experiencing serious bullying at school, you need to inform the school administration and, if you haven't already, your parents. They need to put a stop to it. Here is a useful resource page from KidPower that you and your parents should read about the problem.

But that is mostly about what to do if you are bullied. The answer to the question "Why am I being bullied?" probably has something to do with your being a furry (I'm guessing this because you are being barked at). In a world where it has definitely become uncool for kids to bully others because of things like their race or being LGBTQ (although it, of course, still happens), furries are one of the last groups of people that our culture seems to feel is okay to torment for being different. All kinds of stupid rumors are being spread (mostly by conservatives trying to make a non-issue a political issue for their campaigns of hate) against furries these days such as the idea that furries demand cat litter boxes in school bathrooms (not true) or that they growl at and bite kids in the hallways.

Humans hate people who are different--and furries are definitely different. It's ingrained in their DNA. So, when they are not allowed to hate black people or Jewish people or even gay people, they will continue to look for someone to hate for no reason other than they are different. Lucky for the haters, there are furries! We are people they don't understand at all, and what humans don't understand, they fear, and what they fear, they hate.

So, that is why you are being bullied.

What do you do about it? In addition to reading the link I sent, what you need is to beef up your self-confidence, your self-esteem, and, while you're at it, your courage and physical strength. People (especially school kids) prey on the weak. So, don't be weak (easier said than done, I know, but you can do it). I suggest you take up martial arts or boxing or wrestling. Learn to defend yourself. Kids are less likely to mock you if you're capable of giving them a roundhouse kick to the face. That's not to say you should beat people up. No. Violence should only be a last resort when you have to defend yourself from harm. But if people KNOW you can kick their ass, they are less likely to mock you. I would hope you would never have to use such skills, but that doesn't mean they are a waste to learn. Martial arts are a great way to improve your health and flexibility, which is pawsome for you in any circumstance.

In addition to this, you need to build your confidence. Being good at self-defense does this, truly, but there are other ways. Here are some tips:
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1. Stay away from negative people in your life. Anyone who puts you down, whether that is people at school, other friends, family members, etc. is not helping you. People who belittle you, tell you you are not good enough, tell you you are not "living up to your potential" or "need to do better" are just dragging you down. Avoid them. There will always be haters, so don't let them define you. Haters are pathetic people who can only feel good about themselves by putting others down, so why would you want their approval? They are bad people. Who needs them? Parents can, sadly, be as bad as haters by making you feel you are not good enough. Why they do this is a huge letter in itself, but to be brief, it is a big lesson to learn that we don't need to please our parents and live up to their expectations. It's your life, not theirs. Just be a good person. Nothing else really matters, including what career path you take.
2. At the same time, keep people close to you who offer you support and love (hopefully, family members are included in that, but friends are often as good as family). They don't have to be "yes men" and agree with you all the time, but they do need to be on your side.
3. Find things you are good at and focus your heart and soul on them, whether that is music or drawing or sport or hobbies or whatever. Becoming really good at something because you are devoted to it and enjoy it will boost your self-esteem tremendously.
4. Avoid putting yourself down. If you say negs like "I'm dumb," "I'm ugly," "I'm weak," they will drag you down.
5. Replace the negs with positive affirmations. Each day, say something nice about yourself, whatever that might be, while looking in the mirror. Doing this in the morning is a good idea, but any time of day works. It can be a simple thing like, "You took a really nice photo of that bird today" or something deeper like "You're a good person and always try to do the right thing." If you keep affirming your value daily, it will boost your self-esteem immensely. You see, you need approval from yourself as much (or more) than from other people.
6. Don't compare yourself to others. Everyone is different; everyone has good and bad points; there will always be someone better at something than you are (and there will always be someone worse, so don't be mean, either). 
7. Don't obsess on the past. Think of what you are doing now and what you can do in the future. If you've made mistakes (who hasn't?) it's okay, as long as you learn from them and move on.

I hope this little pep talk has helped. Always remember: This is YOUR life. As long as you are not hurting anyone, do what you wish. You're only 11 and have a lot to explore. This is an incredible, complex, bizarre, frustrating, joyful world, and it is yours to live in. It's for you to grab the reins and go for a ride. You own this horse, kid, so enjoy it.

Bear Hugs,
Papabear​