​I'm still new to the Furry Fandom and as an adult with autism I never really felt any social connection outside the Internet. After over 10 years of trying, I finally got out of Mom and Dad’s house, but it’s still not complete. The guy I know I am is still locked inside of me and is still being stopped from coming out by them forcing me to take whatever it is they what me to use, what jobs they what me to have, having everything I do monitored, and more. Not caring that this guy is his own man and that makes me feel unsafe. I need to get out; I lost almost all my friends; all my dreams have been killed by them. The only hope I still have is if I could one day wake up as 0% human and 100% something like raccoon. That's the short version. The full would be over 500 pages long. 


Lance (age 35)
 
 * * *
 
Dear Lance,
 
Congratulations on moving out on your own and starting to take charge of your life. That is a major step and I hope it is working out for you.
 
Because I don’t know the degree of autism you are suffering or your health history, it is difficult for me to offer you advice on this subject.  But you sound as though you are eager to take charge of your own destiny.  I suggest you start by picking up the phone and talking to a professional in this area at an organization called Autism Speaks. You can find contact information here: https://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/autism-response-team. Another group you can look into is Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) http://autisticadvocacy.org/about-asan/; here you can educate yourself as to what is being done politically to help those with autism assert their rights and independence. If you feel motivated to do so, you might even try volunteering there, which will definitely help you feel more empowered.
 
I realize you feel as if your parents and others are trying to control your life, but I’m sure that what they are trying to do is protect you and help you because they care about and love you. The best thing you can do is learn more about the organizations listed above, set goals for yourself as to what you wish to do with your life, and make sure that those goals and wishes are communicated to your parents and anyone else involved in your life.
 
Good luck!
 
Hugs,
Papabear

Dear Papabear,

I have been struggling with various bits of emotional conflict for 13 years now. When I was 6, my mom picked up a guy at the bar. He got in lots of trouble with DUI, theft, drug abuse, illegal gambling and many other crimes. He beat my mom, used her for money and ass. He stole from us to the point that we went bankrupt. Everyone in my family hated this fellow and estranged us as family because Mother wouldn't let him go. In 2011, the hurricane weathers broke a levy up in New York that caused a flood that destroyed our community. We had to stay with one of the few relatives that still liked us while Mom's boyfriend was forced to go to his relatives. In that time, he stole guns for pills. Luckily for us, the guy has was selling to was a narc and he went to prison. Unluckily for me, Mom still loved him and visited him every month for a year. She took him back. I'm a grown man now, sitting here in our new home, still pondering why he continues to be a thing that plagues me and my family to this very day. He hasn't changed a bit. He still gambles, does drugs, doesn't give us money, steals, drinks and manipulates.Why would Mom want that? Why would she ask for this day in and day out? Why do I bother trying to improve her life when she doesn't seem to want things to change for the better? Sorry if this has been long-winded but this has been on my mind for far to long and therapy hasn't helped since I was 14. I just want closure.

Feral (19, Pennsylvania)

* * *

Dear Feral,
 
You’re not the one who needs therapy; your mom does. It’s a legitimate question you ask—why would any woman want to be loyal to a drug-addicted loser criminal? Usually, the reason is that the woman (and this also applies in reverse with a man connected to a loser woman) has low self-esteem and doesn’t think she deserves better, so she will stick with anyone who says that they love her, even if that person is a no-good bum. It is a kind of co-dependent relationship and the same reason why many women stay with a man who physically beats them. There is also the psychological condition in which the woman thinks that her love and loyalty will, somehow, eventually, save the other person. Here is a helpful WikiHow article on how to tell if someone is codependent.
 
The most direct solution to this problem would be for your mother to see a therapist to work on her sense of self-worth so that her eyes will open up and she can see that this guy does not make for a good partner.
 
There are also nonprofit organizations that can help. One of these is Co-Dependents Anonymous International, which has meeting places all over this country, including Pennsylvania. CoDA has also published a book that you might want to check out on Amazon. It’s only eight bucks for the Kindle version. Of course, you can browse online for other similar books, too.
 
Until your mother recognizes she has a problem and does something about it, you won’t be able to get rid of the loser. Here’s the real problem: going up to Mom and saying something like, “Mom, I think you have a codependent relationship problem and maybe you should get some help” will likely not be received very well. You might try a more indirect approach, such as casually talking about the issue of codependency without targeting Mom. Maybe mention you read something interesting on the Internet about it or know someone who is codependent. Perhaps she will see a parallel in the discussion.
 
Then there is always the hope that a new, better guy might come into her life and replace the jerk, but that may be just wishful thinking.
 
At this time, I think I would suggest getting the book on codependency and learning more about it. Perhaps if you understand your mother more it will help you to help her.
 
Hugs,
Papabear ​

Dear Papabear,

I wasn’t really expecting to have to ask for help with this, but as it turns out, my emotions have surprised me, and I find myself in need of some help.

As you may or may not know, I’ve recently become a property owner for the first time, aged 23, with a little 1-bedroom house that’s big enough just for a single rodent. And, despite being a bit frightened of total independence to begin with, I’ve actually grown quite excited about having my own place. I’ve already been envisioning ideas of how to redecorate it to be something all my own (well, as much as it can be, given it’s Grade II listed), and also being able to plan life to my own needs.

Despite this, part of the reason I’ve had to get a place of my own is because my mum has been trying to sell the family home so she can downsize to something cheaper. The reasons for this are complicated and would need a letter all their own if I even attempted to explain it, so let’s just say this decision is for the greater good. And, less than a week ago, we’ve managed to find someone who’s made an offer for the house. That doesn’t mean its outright sold, but the chances of us officially selling are highly likely.

So now, pretty much being given the official word that I’m going to be moving out, a few fears have struck me by surprise.

For one thing, there’s the matter of adjusting to my new life in my new home. It might sound rather daft, but I think the thing I’m going to miss most about this house isn’t the memories of what I’ve done here or how big the rooms are, but it’s the layout of this place. I have my little routines attached here, like how when I come home from work, I instantly walk through the kitchen and utility room to my downstairs bedroom/office and check my updates on my tablet, which I usually leave by my bed. And, being autistic, any sort of change often becomes a stressful event, so repetition and sticking to routines is very much a comforter for me in a world where things can become so chaotic and disjointed. With my new home, it’s going to be a whole new routine of how I live my life, and I’m not sure how quickly I’ll be able to adjust to this place. When I went to the USA for my first ever FurCon, I gave myself over a year to book things and mentally prepare myself for the journey. All I’ve been given for adjusting to my new life is 12 weeks!

For another thing, I don’t know how I’m going to be able to support mum during the move. This was essentially her dream home, and she’s put her heart and soul into making this place both her home, and her business (we run it as a Bed & Breakfast). So, now that it’s going to be switching hands and that she’s going to have to remove all her belongings and will pretty much be barred from entering this house ever again, this is going to be a big emotional hit for her. She told me from the day she put this house on the market that she was going to cry when the time came that she’d move out, and I really don’t know how I’m going to be able to comfort her when that day comes. It always hurts me deep when I see her in pain, and again, 12 weeks isn’t long for me to prepare myself for this!

I should probably make it clear that this isn’t the first time either of us have moved. We moved to this place some 14 years ago, essentially moving countries in the process (England to Wales) to start anew. However, in those 14 years, in one way or another, we both have grown attached to this place. I have with my routines and habits, and mum has put her heart and soul into making it hers. And, now that those attachments we’ve grown are going to be broken, I’m not sure how either of us are going to be able to cope.

Sorry for making this somewhat two questions in one (I know you have your “One Question per Letter” rule), but I guess what I’m asking in general is how can I be able to cope with this move, both dealing with my own stress and my mother’s?

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter, Papa Bear!

Hugs,
Charleston

* * *
 
Dear Charleston,
 
Well, yes, in a sense this is more than one question, but they really are all related; they are all about the attachment to things. Buddhism teaches us that the attachment to things is the source of pain, and this is very true.
 
I’m familiar with what you and your mother are going through. I’ve moved several times after being attached to homes and it can be gut-wrenching. The move from my 1865 brick Michigan home to a kind of crappy apartment in Palm Springs was a huge hit on my heart. The Michigan home was a place I loved and the last place my wife and I lived together, as well as where my beloved dog Keisha spent her life and died. Moving to California was very much like moving to another country; it is culturally extremely different from the Midwest. I remember moving my stuff into the apartment. It was October, and a flight of Canada geese flew overhead, just like in Michigan, and I wept with homesickness.
 
But I got over it. And now I love my new home and have absolutely NO desire to return to Michigan, believe me.
 
Humans love the familiar because it is comforting. Familiar surroundings and routines give us a base of stability in a chaotic world. Big life changes like the one you are going through, too, are especially challenging when you are autistic.
 
Let’s address you first, and your new little house. The first thing I would suggest is to try and transfer as many familiar things to your new home as possible. Also, try and arrange it as close as possible to how you have it in your current home. The more familiar objects in your house the better. Right now, I bet, when you looked at the new house and decided to buy it, it didn’t look anything like your house now, and this might have made you a little anxious. Try to imagine it with your stuff in it. Picture this every day until you move there. Figuring out exactly where to put chairs, photographs, tchotchkes, and so on. You might try taking a paper and pencil, drawing out the floor plan, and writing in where you want things. A good mental exercise that could calm you. Keep in mind not only the objects, but also the paths they create when you walk between them. Try to make these paths similar to the current ones (although the multiple floor pathway is not an option). It won’t be exactly the same, of course. But you can make it similar. Paint the walls a similar color. Even put in light fixtures and light switch plates that match the current home.
 
As for your mother, I’m guessing she is doing this move for financial reasons? Or perhaps the current home is just getting too much to maintain. Remind her, please, that the house is a home not because of its walls and windows and doors but because of who lives there. I’m reading between the lines here, but is this may be more about your moving out and her being alone than the house itself?
 
I’m not sure where your and your mom’s new homes are, but hopefully they are not too far apart that you can’t visit her. I know you are concerned about your mom and being there for her, so try to be there for her. During the move and soon after, you should visit often, but over time it would be healthier to gradually make the visits a little less often. Let her transition into this new phase of life slowly as you transition into yours.
 
For both you and your mom, focus on the positive aspects of this new phase in your lives. For you, this will be more independence and more self-confidence; for her, it will hopefully be less stress and a more peaceful, simpler life. Also, keep in mind you still have each other in your lives; that won’t change.
 
Life is about change. Change can be scary and nerve-wracking, but eventually we adjust to the new circumstances, which will, hopefully, make us stronger.
 
Hugs,
Papabear

Papabear,

​You may know me from a previous letter (I had asked you how to prepare for MFF) and I apologize for writing again so soon. The length of this letter is also kinda insane, but it takes a bit of explaining.

Right after said convention I was diagnosed with major depression (and what we believe to be chronic depression because my grandfather also has it, but that is to be proved later if this persists for over a year). I had a therapist who I didn't like, but my mother refused to change. Because this was during the school year, I wasn't sleeping well and I missed the bus a lot of days.

My therapist told me I was just being defiant and I was just being lazy. She told me I couldn't sleep because I wasn't trying hard enough. I asked my mother to change my therapist several times, but she didn't listen. My mother thought that I was just in denial of the truth.

This persisted onto January, to the point where I was suicidal and self-harming. Around Easter, I told my mom I needed more help, and she got me evaluated at a local mental hospital. They wanted to do inpatient therapy because I did have a plan, but we decided to do a partial day program instead because I had already missed too much school.

I was probably the happiest during the period where I was in this day program. I related to other kids who were also struggling. We all kinda came together to support each other without stressing each other out. I was doing better, but I was most definitely still depressed.

It was also around then I began questioning gender identity. I don't want to draw any conclusions (I'm only 13!), but I would just prefer to be called they/them while I figure things out. I told my mom this, and she said it was a teenage phase and I was just trying to be a special snowflake. She seemed to overlook the fact that I legitimately hated my body. Not because of weight, but because I'm too curvy and too feminine looking. I don't like long hair, I've always wanted a lower voice, and she/her pronouns irk me.

I know I shouldn't have been so hurt by it, but it wasn't like I was actively binding my chest. I just wanted to be called they/them pronouns while I tried to figure out what was going on.

Four weeks of being in the day program later, and I was discharged. I kept fighting to stay in and kept telling everyone that I wasn't ready yet, I hadn't learned enough of the coping skills, but my mom said I needed to hurry up and leave because she didn't want to drive me there anymore.

So here I am, starting therapy again (with a new therapist at the least) and trying to survive. It's been three weeks since I've left the program and it only seems like I've backslid more. I've stopped self-harming as much, but I still do occasionally, and most days I sit in bed and think of how better everyone else would be without me and other self-degrading things. I usually tell my mom I'm drawing and talking to friends on my phone, and she believes it.

This is where my problem comes in: My mom makes suicide jokes, makes fun of me for wanting to be called they/them pronouns, and instead of calling me depressed, likes to call me "crazy". I'll give an example for each.

Say the car is really hot, my sister says (jokingly) she's going to jump out of the window if my mom doesn't turn the air on. My mother says "wow you must REALLY hate yourself if you're gonna do that!!"

If my mom is talking about my therapy, she'll say she's tired of driving me everywhere and something along the lines of "If you didn't start acting all crazy I wouldn't have to take you."

And finally, just general comments like "how many people are you if you're a they??" "see, if you have boobs that means you're a girl."

She ignores how much I actually hate myself and how much I'm actually struggling and it makes me really uncomfortable every time she says stuff like this. I've told her several times to just use the word depressed and not crazy, but she hasn't listened.

If you have any advice on how to tell her how uncomfortable this makes me, or how to cope with it in the meantime, it would be much appreciated.

Thanks again,
Ioga (age 13)

* * *

Hi, Ioga,

Troubled letters such as yours always go to the top of the pile, so here we are.

Sounds like you're dealing with two things: 1) Gender dysphoria (the feeling that your body doesn't match who you are inside), and 2) Lack of a support system (either professional or personal). One or the other is bad enough, but combine the two and I can see how you would be in a lot of distress and pain (hugs to you).

Let's tackle #2 first. There are good and bad therapists. Clearly, the first one you had was abysmal. Then you had a bit of a halcyon period at the hospital. That sounds like it was a good environment, but your mother wouldn't let you stay. Your mom continues to insult you and act as if you are more of a burden than someone she loves unconditionally. I would guess (correct me if I am wrong) that she gave birth to you at a young age (perhaps as a teen) and that, in addition, her own mother (your grandmother) was not a great mom. Consequently, she herself never learned to be a good mother. Another possibility is that she was not socialized well as a baby (for example, if she was neglected by your grandparents, this can be very damaging to emotional health) and she consequently lacks empathy for her own child. A third possibility is that she has a substance abuse problem that makes her unpleasant.

Therefore, when you ask me for advice on how to approach your mother and tell her she makes you uncomfortable, I have to respond that there probably is no good way because your mom lacks empathy. Whether you tell her frankly or with more subtlety, she's not going to get it. In fact, confronting her could exacerbate the problem, making her feel like you are even more crazy (e.g., "There's nothing wrong with me, it's just that my daughter is nuts.") In other words, I would say your mother needs psychological help just as much as you do, perhaps more. I would suggest you talk about all this with your new therapist and ask for their advice on what to do with your unsupportive mother. One possibility is to have both of you attend a therapy session together. This can be an awesome way of airing out any bad feelings between the two of you. In asking your mother to come with you to a session (after arranging it with the therapist), don't say, "because you need help, too." Just say that your therapist would like your mom to sit in for one or two talks.

As for #1, perhaps we should hold off on that for a while until you get through puberty. You, wisely, note this yourself. Again, your identity issues are fodder for your therapist. This can be a process that lasts for years before you figure it all out.

In the meantime, you still need to find some personal support. Do you have friends you can talk to? Perhaps in the furry community? Or, do you have other relatives who might prove to be more sympathetic and willing to lend an ear? You need to find someone besides your mom and a paid therapist that you can talk to, even get some hugs.

I hope this is helpful. If you wish to talk more about this with me, that's what I'm here for.

Bear Hugs,
Papabear
​

​Dear Papabear,
 
How are you? Last year my brother tried to commit suicide. He was getting bullied in school. We have issues with our dad, and he was getting called names. I walked in on him hanging from his bed, and I nearly had a heart attack. It's been roughly a year since it happened, but I am still very nervous about leaving him by himself because I am worried that if it happens again I will not be there to save him again. I am sorry for coming to you with this because this isn't your problem [Papabear note to readers: this is why I am here! Please never apologize for “bothering” me because writing to me with your problems is what I do!], but how do I get over my fears of this happening again? I honestly cannot walk in on my brother like that again because I feel like I just might go insane. Also, is depression a hereditary problem? Because I do not want my family to go through that again.

Yours Truly,
Austin (age 17)

* * *
 
Dear Austin,
 
Please forgive the slow reply. I am behind on letters still.
 
Very sorry to hear about your troubles. I need to know a little more about this, please. Have you sought help for him? Have you checked out the government site for information and help? http://www.stopbullying.gov/get-help-now/  Is the bullying still going on or has that been stopped? Is he seeing a therapist?
 
Let me know about the above and I promise to reply promptly next time.
 
Papabear
 
* * *
 
He is seeing a therapist, and is on antidepressants. The bullying has stopped because he moved to a different school.  And it is OK for the slow response because I understand that you get likely thousands of letters a day and you are writing a new book, too.
 
* * *
 
Hi, Austin,
 
I’m glad that the bullying has stopped and that your brother is getting help. I cannot imagine the horror you felt seeing your brother trying to kill himself, and I wish I could give you a big, consoling bear hug right now.
 
Your brother is not the only one suffering in your family, clearly. Have you considered finding a therapist for yourself? This would be to help you deal with what you saw and the anxiety you must be feeling about both your brother and, apparently, your father. Perhaps start with a school counselor. People who are helpful and caring, such as yourself, often forget that their hearts need mending, too.
 
You don’t mention your brother’s age, but I’m guessing he’s younger and perhaps a teen? The teenage years are extremely difficult ones, with those in their teens and twenties attempting suicide more than most (the exception being people 65 and older), and males are five times more likely to do it than females. Bullying definitely can exacerbate the chances of suicide (though it is only one of many factors). There has also been evidence for a genetic predisposition for suicide (my second cousin and grandmother both attempted suicide). Scientists learned a few years ago that there is a gene that can increase the risk of suicide; furthermore, Johns Hopkins University scientists are working to perfect a blood test to see whether people are at risk. You don’t mention whether other family members have committed suicide or not, but if there is a lot of that in your family it is something to consider seriously. Genetics are not the only reason for suicide, but they can, indeed, be part of the problem.
 
So, without trying to oversimplify things, there are three potential factors here with your brother: his age, his genetic heritage, and the bullying. You have removed the bullying factor, and he will grow out of his teen years, so that effectively gets rid of two factors, which is good news. In addition, he is getting help, which also lowers the risk. While no one can guarantee that your brother won’t attempt it again, it is also often the case that people do not repeat the act. They learn their lesson and move on, as in my case.
 
Oh, and make sure he stays away from drugs and alcohol!
 
Okay, so, what now? One thing is to be aware of the signs that he might be suicidal again. According to Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE), these are things to look for:

• Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself.
• Looking for a way to kill oneself, such as searching online or buying a gun.
• Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.
• Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
• Talking about being a burden to others.
• Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.
• Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly.
• Sleeping too little or too much.
• Withdrawn or feeling isolated.
• Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.
• Displaying extreme mood swings.

Additional Warning Signs of Suicide

• Preoccupation with death.
• Suddenly happier, calmer.
• Loss of interest in things one cares about.
• Visiting or calling people to say goodbye.
• Making arrangements; setting one's affairs in order.
• Giving things away, such as prized possessions.

 
If these warning signs are cropping up, then you need to make sure your brother is still attending his sessions, taking his meds, and so on. You can’t keep tabs on him all the time, but you can certainly be involved in his life and give him lots of love and encouragement to comfort him. Make sure he is involved in social activities, has friends, has goals and aspirations in life. Obviously, the happier he is in his social life and the more hope he has for the future, the less likely he will be to do this again.
 
The factor that is still a question mark for me is your dad. You don’t specify what the problem is with dad—is that something that is contributing to your brother’s state of mind? If so, you definitely need to address that, as well.
 
By doing the above, you can considerably lower or even eliminate the potential for another tragedy.
 
Back to you: the things you can do to help yourself include, as mentioned earlier, seeking some counseling yourself, knowing that you are doing all you can to prevent this from happening again, and, finally, understanding that you should never blame yourself if something bad happens. You can only do so much.
 
I’d like to recommend an organization: The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. They have chapters all over the country that offer counseling, not just for those who are struggling with suicide but also for their families who are trying to understand what is going on and how to cope with it. If there is not a chapter in your area, you can do some research to find a group or contact your local hospital’s mental health department for assistance.
 
Good luck!!!  HUGS!!
 
Papabear
 
* * *
 
Basically the problem with dad is that he is an abusive ass, excuse my language. He tried to hit my mother, he tried to hit my cousin, he hit me multiple times; once, when I was ten, he left a black eye. He scratched me when I was 14, he tried choking me when I was 16, and just recently he punched me in the face and nearly broke my nose. I tried pressing charges each time, but every time my mother said I deserved it.  My father also would fight and scream at the younger kids too, but he would never hit them. I think that this probably made my brother upset and stressed out, and after 11 years that is a lot of stress. I was adopted when I was 6 and he was 5.
 
* * *
 
Hi, Austin,
 
I’m sorry to hear this. If all you say is true, then it doesn’t matter at all if your mother defends your adopted father’s actions. I’m not sure what you mean by “I tried pressing charges.” Did you actually contact the police? Did they come over and then listen to your mother instead of you? That makes no sense to me. The authorities take child abuse very seriously.
 
Okay, what I recommend is two things: 1) contact your local Child Protective Services office and tell them what is going on. You and your brother are being physically and mentally abused by your father. A serious charge. 2) Contact Boys Town, a very helpful organization designed to help troubled youth like you and your brother, and their families.
 
You may be correct that the abuse contributed to what your brother did. Very understandable. It needs to be stopped. Can you be brave for Papabear and contact the people above? Don’t let your parents know. Your father is the abuser and your mother is on his side; telling them will prevent you from helping your brother and yourself.

Austin, I now suspect we've found the real cause here of your brother's suicide attempt. Your father's abuse probably led to depression for your brother; then, at school, kids can pick up on this; bullies spot troubled kids and target them as their victims. The combination of your father's physical abuse and your brother's peers' taunting were too much for him, and he tried to kill himself. This needs to stop.

Please keep me posted.
 
Hugs,
Papabear

Papabear,

​I live with my 24-year-old brother, and my 78-year-old grandfather. My grandfather and my brother pay for the rent and food, more or less, they pay for everything. I contribute to the household by helping my granddad remember to take his medication, helping him cook dinner and clean the house, and making sure he doesn't fall asleep why baking or cooking, which has happened before. My brother and I agreed to this arrangement together and I don't want to get a job, I like the arrangement. Lately, after my brother gets off work, I have been leaving social media to bring him his dinner, and rub pain relieving gel on his joints because he's had arthritis since he was five. My friends hate it even though I have explained in detail that I like our arrangement and why, and they have recently began asking why he can't do things for himself and why he can't act like a grown man. They treat me helping him do things as something that is weird or gross and one went so far as to say I need to get a job and help pay bills because women have equal rights. What is a nice way to ask them to mind their own business?
 
Rosie (age 21)
 
* * *
 
Dear Rosie,
 
I’ve always been of the mindset that whatever works for you is what you should do, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone (including yourself). Taking care of your grandfather and brother, as well as the house, including cooking and so on, is what you enjoy doing, and Papabear thinks that’s fine. Not that long ago, we used to call people like that “homemakers” or the less PC “housewives.” Being a homemaker was considered an honorable and helpful thing to do with one’s life. There was no shame in it.
​
Today, as you’ve experienced, Americans expect both men and women to be career-driven; they should “want to do something with their lives.” Well, who says taking caring for one’s family isn’t doing something? (Note: this doesn’t apply to just women; men make perfectly good homemakers and, in fact, many do so). Papabear agrees with you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are doing with your life so long as you enjoy it and find it fulfilling.

That said, you should not be entirely closed-minded to your friends’ advice, not because you need their approval or anything like that, but rather for self-preservation. Let me tell you a short story. My mother was a professional dietician when she met and married my father, and they agreed that when children came along she would quit work, stay at home, and raise me and my sister. All well and good. She didn’t work for decades, and then when the marriage fell apart she ended up with no job prospects because she hadn’t worked for so many years. She had to live with my grandfather, who treated her like a slave until he died (fortunately, she inherited enough from him to survive afterwards). The point is this: had she had a job to fall back on, she wouldn’t have been placed into such awful circumstances for many years. In other words, be prepared.

What happens to you on that sad day after your grandfather dies? And then, say, your brother gets married and doesn’t need you rubbing his joints any longer because his wife helps him? You need to think of such things because what works well now could be gone tomorrow.

Always have a Plan B.

One suggestion I have for you, since you enjoy taking care of others, is a career as—get this—a caregiver. This is a growing business, especially with the soaring number of senior citizens in this country as the Baby Boomers reach retirement. Here is a concise and helpful article about becoming a professional in the field: https://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-become-a-professional-caregiver. You can find employment from businesses that require little or even no previous experience or education, but you will likely do better salary-wise if you get some extra training.

Of course, you don’t have to become a caregiver; you could find another job that strikes your fancy, but that is a suggestion from Papabear. I would also suggest you begin exploring your options now, while you are in a comfortable situation, rather than waiting for something to happen when you become desperate for a job.

As for the question you ask at the end of your letter, try something like this: “I really appreciate your concern about my welfare and your interest in my life, thank you. Right now, things are working well for me and I’m happy, but I am seriously thinking about what you have said and am exploring my options in life.”

Hugs,
Papabear