Developing Self-Confidence as an Online Personality

Hi Papabear,

It's my first time writing this letter to your website after I saw your ad on FurAffinity a couple of months ago while I was working at home for a company I don't want to name here.

The thing is I have two dilemmas which I'm dealing this moment. The first one is with the family in which my old brother (mid-30s) finally moved out to a new apartment and live there after we had to put up with so much toxicity for everything, even when I had that job the first 3 months of this year.  It was so frustrating to live together when he judges from the food that my mom serves (who was a lawyer) to the dirt of this apartment. He pretends to be a rich, entitled dude but he goes to the fancy places (so he works as a sound engineer for live events for some artists) wanting to be part of that society. Also he's kinda narcissistic, specially with his previous ex-girlfriends. I tried to understand him about his past when he decided to go and live with his dad (a lawyer, too) after my mom divorced him; and then realize that the wasn't the ideal home to live, amid of the problems are having with the other family, including their finances.  It was an everyday conversation with my mom when she mentions that part and that's why my brother has an inferiority complex due to these problems. But it was a relief to leave the nest and face the reality to live alone and not depending from my mother and I all the time. Leaving that aside, I doubt I could talk with him after he treated and scolded me so badly for being a shy guy and being dependent for my mom. But that's not the way to treat a person like that, even when I'm jobless/unemployed.

What should I do in this case? Should I ignore it or try to forgive him?

The second issue is more personal. As I'm introvert guy and a degree holder with a little experience in Film and Television, I always wanted to be a full-time content creator and live from it, even though I already tried to write posts on my blog and uploaded videos on my YouTube channel; besides of monetizing and earned a few cents. The problem with this one is I feel remorse of getting late to the party and the constant perfectionism of each content I'm creating. Besides that, I have a lot of insecurities and a lot of episodes of anxiety and depression ending to postpone the main project. I told my mom about how these creators earn money from it and I'm aware that it's not easy to get enough followers in order to monetize the content.  And almost always get demotivated (mentally and creative) for this reason, until I wrote a script for a podcast I'm going to make this week. Being a loner has both advantages and disadvantages, so I tried to talk with other furs about the project and some of them was amazed and left some thumbs up, but they never asked me for a feedback or some moral support to keep going and staying afloat. And even I talked with some psychologists and some friends as well.

And I also want to learn to draw again and offer some commissions. So, I decided to undertake this path without leaving aside other projects that I have in mind, staring with the screenplays I'm writing.  Do you know if there's a way to be more confident with the people I surrond it and myself? I want to overcome this weakness.

I'm sorry that this letter is so extensive or long, but I hope this will be helpful for me, Papabear.

Thank You,

Gabbo The Fox (Colombia, age 28)

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Hi, Gabbo,

Your letter is a little difficult to decipher, I fear, probably because English is your second language, but I think I get your meaning. So, the questions seem to be, in summary: 1) How do I deal with my brother? and 2) How do I gain confidence to become a better podcaster and online personality?

Your brother is trying to be a big shot as a way to compensate for his own lack of self-confidence, which probably arose from growing up in a dysfunctional family. In my opinion, he's getting involved with a very shallow, money-grubbing crowd and will likely regret it, eventually. I would not recommend following his lead, and you don't have to accept his criticism of you or your life choices. Whenever he criticizes you, just smile and say, "Thank you for your advice. I will take it under consideration." Then, ignore him and do your own thing. He is a damaged person, and you would be wise not to worry about his opinions. 

Your second question is slightly related to your first because one of the best things you can do to boost your self-confidence is avoid toxic people like your brother and surround yourself with supportive, loving people. This is not to say you only want to have "yes men" around you (people who just agree with everything you say to make you feel better), but you do want people who care about you and try to support what you are doing in life and career.

Another thing you should do, you are already doing: pursue your dream. In this case, you are seeking to develop audio and video content online using what you have learned from your film degree (and congrats to you for completing your degree!). Don't worry if you are struggling at first. Everyone struggles at first! You are finding out that doing stuff for a college class is very different from real-world experience. You are going to have some failures, but the thing is to learn from your failures, grow, and improve. You won't have an instantly huge audience. Audiences take time to build. Be patient and keep at it! If you can do what you love for a living, you will be truly blessed throughout your entire life!

Next, don't compare yourself to others. Everyone has different experiences in their career and life paths. Some will be more successful than you, but you are not competing with them. Work on being unique unto yourself, providing people with something that has your own spin, your own personality, your own content. Be an individual and focus on what you are doing now, in the present. If you work hard now and develop your skills, eventually there will be a payoff.

Learn what you are best at, where your strengths are, and develop those. Meanwhile, keep an eye open for opportunities. You never know when something might develop that will open doors for you and your career. Also, keep learning new things. The industry you are in is constantly changing and developing. If you can keep up with all these changes, you will be doing better than a lot of your peers.

The more you learn, the more skills you develop, and the better you get at your job, the more confidence you will get. One day, you will realize, "Damn! I really know what I'm talking about, and I'm good at it, too!" At that point, you will have arrived.

Hugs,
Papabear​