Dear Papabear,
Since at least high school I've wanted to write fiction, but I can't seem to get started. I have lots of ideas, and even write down notes from time to time, but whenever I sit down to write I often find myself just staring at a blank page for an hour or so. Even when I do get some words out, I'll never get more than a page or two done before I feel like I can't continue or want to start over. In 6 years all I've managed to finish is one short story, and even at the time I wasn't happy with how it turned out. Do you have any tips that can help me stay committed and finish what I start? --Reverie * * * Dear Reverie, Dorothy Parker famously said, “I hate writing, I love having written.” Many people glorify the life of the author with visions of (this is tongue in cheek) residing in a lofty tower, gazing over a moody countryside, a glass of sherry on the desk (or perhaps absinthe) as a muse descends from above, inspiring the writer to pen a glorious novel or poem out of thin air. Bullshit. Writing is a bitch. It takes discipline, hard work, and the ability to face criticism after criticism without slinking into a corner and crying like a little puppy (my novel got 50 rejections before it was published). Many people want to write, and many people have told me they have “great ideas” for stories they will happily give me, and all I have to do is write it out for them. O ... M ... G .... Reverie (cool writer’s name btw), you are making the common mistake of sitting down at a desk or in an easy chair, taking out pen and paper (or laptop), looking at the blank page, and hoping something miraculous will happen. As you discovered, it doesn’t work that way. But! There is hope! Here are a few strategies that have worked for me and other writers. 1) Outline your story. There is no correct way to do this, but you have to know where you’re going if you’re going to get there. When I wrote my novel, I knew how it would begin and how it would end, and I knew all the characters. The fun was filling in the middle, but I couldn’t have done that if I didn’t know where it was all leading. Other authors are a lot more thorough, outlining every single chapter, figuring out timelines, and more. You can be thorough or rather sketchy, but you do need to outline. 2) Set yourself a daily goal. Whether it is a chapter, a couple pages, or a few paragraphs, make yourself write at least a little bit every day. Stick to that goal. No excuses. 3) Get rid of the inner critic. A big reason for writer’s block is criticizing everything you put down on paper, scribbling out a page only to wad it up and throw it in the trash, over and over. Writers are their own worst enemies this way. You aren’t as awful as you think you are! Just write it down! Then check out Number 4 below. 4) Revise Revise Revise! You can take off a lot of pressure on yourself simply by realizing that if you write a page that is garbage, or that later doesn’t work in the story, or later, as you have written yourself way into the story you realize you should have put something in earlier, you can always add or subtract! No one writes the perfect page the first time (well, except maybe Mozart, but that was music, not prose), and it doesn’t matter because you can revise it! Unlike a sculptor who, if he accidentally chips off a nose can’t put it back, you can! Words are completely malleable, even more so now that everything is written on a computer screen and you don’t even need white out. 5) Research. You might be having trouble because you keep pausing in your story, wondering how something might work in real life, or if you have the history correct. A good way to avoid such stallings is to do a lot of research before you write. Get a good idea how things work. For instance, if you are writing a fantasy novel, you can read up on Medieval dress, customs, armor, equestrian terms and so on. Doing this might even give you ideas for your story. 6) Join a writers’ group. Seeing what others have done, having your own work critiqued, and sharing experiences with others like yourself can help inspire you to write. Good luck! Papabear
0 Comments
Papa Bear,
I'm having a bit of trouble with one of my male friends, I have a mate who I love dearly and I would never want to hurt him ever, but my friend came out to me recently that he loved me (he's been a close friend of mine since kindergarten). I told him I'm sorry but I would never cheat on my mate. He said it was ok and we're still close friends (not close as in really really close but close as in best friends) and we still hang out, but there's always that underlying feeling like he's still looking at me in “that way” like he really loves me and it sorta makes me uneasy. Am I just being a little bit too paranoid or should I say something? I still only think of him as a close friend and I don't wanna hurt him. Can you help me? Thank you, Sparkplug the Fox * * * Dear Sparkplug, Some people have trouble finding even one person to love them and might envy your quandry, but Papabear knows where you’re coming from. You’re afraid that, even though your friend said it was okay that you were loyal to your mate, he might not really mean it, and he is making eyes at you, trying to convey a message. You might be right, though; it might just be in your head. If that’s the case, then that’s a signal that, subconsciously, you might want him to want you, since you are just imagining that he is giving you the look. Reading between the lines here (which is not easy), Papabear gets a sense that you are trying to convince yourself that you prefer loyalty to your mate over taking a relationship that goes back to kindergarten to the next level. (Be honest, didn’t that thought at least cross your mind?) In other words, Papabear supsects you love your long time friend, too, which, of course, makes you feel guilty (uneasy). If this is the case, then you need to take a deep, long look into your own heart and decide what you really want, and, once decided, act upon it one way or the other. That is something Papabear can’t do for you. If, on the other paw, it is NOT in your head and he IS making eyes at you and you truly DON’T want him as more than a friend, then this is a problem just waiting to boil over and explode into a very awkward situation, or worse. In that case, you need to bring someone else into the equation: your boyfriend. You should not keep this issue to yourself and the secretive glances of your friend. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him, honestly, what has happened and what your concerns are. He is involved in this situation, too, and needs to know about it. You are part of a couple, and a couple talks to each other and makes decisions together. Your boyfriend might bring insights into this that you had not even considered. Talk to him, come to a consensus, and then act accordingly. Bear Hugs, Papabear Papabear,
So I’ve got this fur-friend who lives nearby. He's sweet, he really is, but he is ever so obsessive. I've known him since last autumn, and due to we both having gone through a tough growth, we both consider each other furry brothers. We spent the past New Year's together with another fur. He and another fur later became mates, and after a stormy relationship (due to him being extremely suspicious about everything) that other fur broke up with him because he was stressing him out and he was pretty much living his life, not his own. After that, my fur brother got upset and refused to ever talk with him again. (Just like he refuses to talk to anyone he's had a past relationship with.) Now, I'm VERY good friends with the person that broke up with him, and we've sort of wanted to get it on with each other, but as I’ve promised him not to, even if they weren't together anymore. And even before they became mates, we talked regularly together, and he was EXTREMELY obsessive over me, and had moments where he went "You like him more than me, don't you? Say it!" even though I’ve told him several times that I don't put my friends on a ranking list. As both he and I are fans of the annual Eurovision Song Contest (Europes most popular TV-show), I spent the Eurovision week together with him and he kept spying on me. Whenever I went to the bathroom or the like, he sneaked onto my laptop to read conversation logs, so I had to put a password on my laptop and lock it every time I went somewhere. And it didn't stop there. He kept sneak peeking over to my laptop screen whenever we were both in his couch, and he got upset whenever I tried to shield his vision from my screen. And whenever he wasn't trying to spy on my screen, he asked me like every 10 seconds, what I was doing, who I was talking to and what we were talking about. He even wouldn't let me send texts without asking who I was texting. It felt like I was in a "Big Brother is watching you" community. Now, while I was visiting him, I told him that I had plans to move in together with the fur who used to be his mate because where I currently live, the two furs that live here are moving out (they're a couple and obviously want to live their own life) and I can't stand the neighbours upstairs. They're noisy, got no respect whatsoever etc. And if left alone, that's when my bad thoughts creep up on me. (I've got a depression since 10 years back). Anyhow, when I told him that, he told me he might not ever be able to talk to me again. And later that evening, he texted me (even though I was 2 meters away) and said it might be the best if we part ways. And the next day he acted as if everything was fine. And that next day was when I was going home as well, and when I got home, I was so exhausted from EVERYTHING that had happened, and I still am. I've honestly pondered if it'd be best to cut ties with him. He's stressing me out as hell, and trying to help him just makes my own depression seem to get worse. I'm afraid that if I let this go on the bubble will burst and I'll take everything I've kept inside out on someone. What would be the best thing for me to do? --Anonymous * * * Dear Anonymous, Papabear believes you already know what to do, but I will add a little advice to an uncharacteristically short response from the ol’ bear. Since you care about this furry, you can try sitting him down and saying, “Look, you know I care about you, but your obsessive spying on me shows that you do not trust me, and when there is no trust in a relationship—ANY kind of relationship—then it is doomed to fail. Because you mean a lot to me, I am giving you a chance: stop spying on me and being suspicious of me and we can continue to be friends. If you can’t, then you are correct in what you said in your text message to me: we need to go our separate ways.” See what he says to that. If he agrees to try and do better, then give him another chance. If he improves, then great! Your friendship can continue. If not, then you have your answer. Same if he rejects your proposal outright. Your friend is clearly very disturbed. He could probably benefit from counseling, but the kind of help he would need is far beyond what you can provide. Not only that, but you have your own issues to deal with (your depression) and being in this unhealthy relationship can only harm you if it continues the way it has been. You need to surround yourself, as much as possible, with loving and caring people, not people who stress you out and make your life miserable. Before you cut him out, talk to him one more time and give him a chance. This is always the right thing to do, but judging by what you have told Papabear, I frankly don’t think he will change that easily. Therefore, protect your own sanity and well-being. You’ll know what to do. Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear,
My boyfriend and I get along very well, despite me being a furry and him not so. I want him to relate more to the furry fandom so we can feel closer (since we're a long distance relationship), but he doesn't want anything to do with furry social networks or art sites. I wanted him to join me on a good number of them, but he just wouldn't. Same goes for IMVU. I just can't get him to do anything like that with me. I don't know what to do about it without sounding like a baby. -Michelle * * * Dear Michelle, First of all, consider yourself lucky that you have a nonfurry boyfriend who is okay with your being a furry. Not everyone is so understanding. He sounds like he has an open mind, which is a good quality to have. You also knew going into this relationship that he was not a furry. So, you really should not be surprised that he is not interested in your furry activities. I understand that you want to share things with him to bring the two of you closer together, of course. While you shouldn’t force your boyfriend to do things he doesn’t want to do, all relationships should take a little effort on both party’s sides. Good relationships combine a bit of sharing and compromise. Does your boyfriend have any interests that you don’t share? For instance, perhaps he is interested in sports—have you ever gone to a game with him? Or talked about teams or websites he enjoys? Papabear is in a similar situation to yours (although it’s not long distance). My mate is not a furry, but he indulges me completely in my activities in the fandom and has come with me to several cons. However, he really isn’t active in the social network sites dedicated to furries.... Why? Because he’s not a furry and isn’t interested in that stuff, so I don’t make him do it. Because you are in a long-distance relationship, I can see why you are trying to get him to participate in social sites online. It would be better if you could do something together in the real world, like go to a furcon or furmeet, but let’s say that’s not an option. How about this for a compromise? You could meet on SecondLife—you in your furry form, and he as a human. You could visit some of the furry areas of 2L and also some of the nonfurry areas that interest him. So, in summary, the key here is compromise. Give and take. You should make an effort to share some of the things your boyfriend enjoys and he should do the same for you. But be careful. Don’t try to “remake” or “change” your boyfriend to your tastes. If you don’t like your boyfriend the way he is, then you should look for someone who does fit your idea of a model boyfriend. It is a mistake that many people make: “Oh, this guy (girl) is pretty nice, but has a few flaws I will work on to change.” Trying to change people is manipulative and unfair to your partner. Be happy that he loves YOU as you are and accepts your furry side. And learn to give as much as you ask for in return. Good luck! Papabear Dear Papabear,
I recently read the "Nightshade" trilogy, and when the book ended, I didn't know how to handle myself. When I got home from school, I couldn't help but to cry. I felt like I was part of the pack, I felt like that was my family. A person died I didn't want to die. What do I do? How do I get over this? --Wolf Willful * * * Dear Wolf Willful, That is a high compliment to the author that the characters touched you so much. How do you get over it? You realize that the story is fiction, that these people are not real, and they are not really dead (or alive). If you want them to live again, just start reading from the beginning of the first book. I don't wish to negate your very real emotions, hon, but please get a hold of yourself. It can be very cathartic to experience the feelings an author puts on a page, but, in the end, you close the book's covers and return to reality. Hugs, Papabear Papabear,
Recently (a little over 2 months ago) my mate passed away in a car accident. Now I've been trying to move on but it honestly just feels like I've hit a brick wall. I have a few friends but I still feel that something is missing. I used to be happy and calm. Now I've become angry, depressed(severely), and at certain times violent. And a lot of the places around here that I used to go to with her trigger those emotions. I don't want to be like this but I don't know what to do. And it seems that even my meditation(not medication) doesn't work anymore and my insomnia has now become worse. Do you have any suggestions that could help me a little bit? --Kaza Dear Kaza, I am so sorry for your loss. Nothing Papabear can say will ease the pain of losing a mate or other loved one, but I can give you a little advice here. First of all, it has only been two months. That is not a very long time. Did you know that it typically takes two years for the average person to even begin to adjust to a major life change, such as a death of a loved one or a divorce? Anger and depression are natural emotions to be experiencing right now. Your violent moods are connected to this. Do not berate yourself for feeling this way; you are feeling angry at the injustice of losing a loved one so early in your life, and perhaps even some "survivor guilt," as in "Why is he dead and not me?" You might be familiar with the stages of adjusting to loss, first put forward by psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969:
There is no order or timeline for this process, and sometimes the order is mixed around a little, but you can expect these stages to occur in your immediate life. Eventually, you will reach stage 5. This does not mean you will not still feel some pain and loss, or even sadness, but when you get to stage 5 you will be able to cope with the loss and move on with your life. So, recognizing that you are not acting inappropriately is the first step. Now, you ask what you can do about it? Meditation doesn't seem to be working for you, but there are other things you can try. First of all, do not try to manage your grief by yourself. Seek out other people to talk to. Do you belong to a church or synagogue? That would be an excellent place to go; talk to your minister or rabbi. Many religious organizations have groups where you can go for support. If not, look in your local newspaper. The community sections of newspapers often announce meetings for grief counseling and group support. Also, try and get back to a routine of daily life. It might be that the routine you enjoyed with your mate has been disrupted. You will need to find a new routine and begin to move on with your life. Finding hobbies, and doing charity work can also be immensely therapeutic. Dr. Lou LaGrand has written a very nice summary of things you can try to adjust to this new time in your life: http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Top-10-Things-You-Can-Do-To-Cope-with-the-Death-of-a-Loved-One&id=524392. Good luck, Kaza. I would love to hear from you again on how you are doing. Papabear Dear Papa Bear,
I've being actively trying to find where I fit into the furry world. After 7 years I still feel like an outsider. For those 5 of those 7 years I have being pretty active with posting artwork on one of the well know furry art sites. At first I tried to find other groups of furs that would welcome me into their circle, but with no luck. Most of the time these groups would get me to draw there request, and when I stopped I was case aside. After a few hard life lessons I stopped looking and tried to make a name for myself. And in some way I have. I found my niche drawing what I'm good at, and I've managed to keep making random gift artwork to cheer up those what seem to be having a bad day. I'm proud of what I have accomplished, but It's still kinda lonely when I have watchers, but no group of friends. So once again I'm longing for a group of furs to hang out with online. So I've started trying to find others to chat with. I've been looking for a more mature (30+ age, NOT Adult themed) crowd to hang with. People my own age. The problem is I've been labeled as "CUTE" and thus I seem to be dismissed by these others guys. I tried to create a new fursona to Bridge the gap, but even he was labeled as "CUTE". It seems like my natural style is cute, and thus everything I create is cute. I feel like I'm never going to find any friends to pal around with. Should stop trying?, and Just accept that things are just going to be the way they are? Do you have an advice on what I'm doing wrong? Sincerely Mixed-up Fox * * * Dear Mixed-up Fox, Oh, wow, you are talking to the right person, Mixed-up. Papabear has been an outsider most of his life, and in many ways I still feel that way. When I was a cub and living in Van Nuys, I was made fun of because I was pale and skinny and not very athletic. I wasn’t actually very good at school, until I got so ostracized that I figured I might as well hit the books. I started getting straight A’s and then was ostracized again for being a brainiac. My father moved the family several times, too, and I had trouble making new friends each time we settled somewhere new. Eventually, I stumbled on furries on the Internet. I was really amazed because I thought I was the only one who really thought anthro characters were cool. So, I started getting into the fandom and making a few online friends. My very first social function was the PS Party that my dear friend Cyberbear took me to. No one talked to me there. Everyone had their own little group, their clique, and I felt very alone. I didn’t go again for many years until this year, in fact. Unlike you, Mixed-up, I’m not a talented artist, so I couldn’t make friends that way. What I did find was the bear community. I had something in common with them, and I founded the BearFurries group on Yahoo, and the Greymuzzles group on Facebook. Then I got into fursuiting and found that was a great way to meet people, too. Then I started this column, which gives me a lot of satisfaction, truly. Anyway, the way I started making more and more friends was by finding one or two really close friends, and these friends introduce me to new friends, and pretty soon my circle was enlarged. As you have found out, you can’t make true friends by giving them art or trying to “make a name for yourself.” You might get groupies or users or followers this way, but not real friends. What you tried next seems to make better sense: finding some mature furries to hang out with. I’m not really clear from your letter, though, whether you just chat with them online or whether you actually meet them in person and hang out with them. You really need to hang out with people in person to make real friends, such as at meets or conventions or just at your house. Papabear sees you are a bit upset at being labeled “cute.” Believe me, there are a LOT worse things to be than cute. What’s wrong with cute? Your next mistake, though, was trying to come up with a fursona to please other people and get them to like you, rather than having a fursona to purely please yourself. Stick with your original fursona, which, I bet, is more like you. It might be cliché, but the best thing Papabear can tell you is to be yourself. Look for people who share your interests and who are, perhaps, “cute” just like you. Maybe form a “cute furries anonymous” club on FB, do something silly with it. Have fun! The WORST thing you can do is come off as desperate, needy, and clingy. When you appear desperate for friendship, you will scare people off. Instead, be yourself. And get as much REAL person-to-person exposure to people as you possibly can. Be open to friendships from unexpected places, and don’t judge people too quickly who offer you a paw. If you get off your computer and spend time in the real world, you will inevitably find people who share your interests and like you for you, without putting a label on you (such as “cute”) and without befriending you only because they want you to draw something for them. And that’s the way it’s done, Mixed-up. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t give up on friendship. There are friends out there waiting to be made! Hugs, Papabear Dear Papa Bear,
I am having real issues with my relationship with my mate.... It's turned out to be things I never thought or wanted it to be. Firstly, I want to say we are engaged and we have been together about one year. Basically, my mate has a master, is constantly looking for other mates, and is master to many pets. My mate constantly looks for local pets to yiff with. He says he just has to yiff with other people or it will just end badly. I inevitably just tell him "whatever," and then I just go mope in the corner cause I can't seem to make my mate feel good and so he needs other people. I have told him all this and he just tells me "it feels different." My mate is always telling his pets he loves them and that he bonds with his pets so it's not just yiff. I have told him that all this makes me feel less special and like he could just replace me if he wanted to, but he still says that I am different from them. Now on to the bad stuff.... I'm not too proud to say I hacked into my mate's computer and read his chat logs, but when I did I found so many things I never knew. He has told multiple people that I will not have any bearing on him and them. Also he apparently has a pet with an std, which he has told he would play with him if it wasn't for the fact that it would totally piss me off if he did. I know I have blamed someone else before when I did not want to do something, so I figure maybe that is what he was doing, but I really don't know. In conclusion my main question is, "is this love?" We really used to be really lovey dovey and I figured that wouldn't last, but now my mate just sits on his computer talking to people and yiffing people on Second Life. So is this love? Should I leave him? Signed, Lost Lion * * * Dear Lost Lion, It is very clear to Papabear that you and your mate want different things. You are uncomfortable with his yiffing other people and RPing online with them; he has a very strong sex drive and apparently wants to be polygamous. Your mate might be sincere that his love for you is different than what he feels for his pets and other playmates. In fact, I believe he IS sincere. However, that is not important. What IS important is how YOU feel. You are obviously not okay with it. It makes you feel bad and unwanted. You are not happy with your relationship this way, and it is clear your relationship has descended into distrust (as noted by your spying on him). YOUR feelings are just as important as his, and if the two of you do not share the same sexual desires and needs your relationship cannot last. Unless you can resolve the situation to both your satisfactions (and I encourage you to try again), then, yes, it is time for you to find other people to be mates with. I wish you luck. I know this is painful, but you have to do what is right for you. Hugs, Papabear Dear Papa Bear,
Right now, I live in a household with three other furs, and two of these furs are past mates of mine. For the sake of this e-mail, I'll refer to my past mates as 'mates', and the third person as my 'friend' to avoid confusion. One major issue that somewhat forces me to isolate myself is a really bad issue with noise sensitivity. Over the last several months, my hearing has reached a point where, even if I am locked in my room, the door closed and whatnot, I can hear my mates in the house as if they are standing right beside me. Most of the time, I can't hear them, but once in a while, they get a little loud, either by the TV getting turned up or some of them talking in a louder voice in attempt to get each other's attention. An issue with the way this situation works out is that the third of these roommates, my friend, ALSO has a hearing issue, but with him, we have to talk a little louder to get him to hear us. I don't really LIKE to be isolated in my room, but it's the only place I can be where the loud talking doesn't bother me as much. And yet, even in my room, when I come out to ask my mates to be a little quieter, they are, but its only for a few minutes, then they seem to conveniently forget that I asked them to keep their voices down, and they get loud again. Most of the time, the getting loud ISN'T because they're talking to my friend either. They're just talking to each other and they get louder. My mates seem to have no issue RAISING their voices for my friend because of HIS hearing issue, but they seem to have an issue LOWERING their voices when it comes to mine. I'm starting to think they do this because they believe, since I used to be mates with them, but am no longer, they no longer have to listen to me. I don't seem to have this issue with my friend, just the two that used to be my mates. I can't very well ask for complete and total silence, because there's nowhere on the planet I could get that, but my mates don't seem to understand that the constant disregard for my hearing issue is actually making matters worse. Talking nice doesn't work, yelling doesn't work. I'm at a loss for what to do. Can you offer any advice on how I should handle this? Hugs and love, Bobby * * * Dear Bobby, Yours is a rather complicated situation. Papabear doesn’t know how you wound up in a situation in which you are living with two ex-mates. Frankly, most people would find it intolerable trying to get along with former lovers. Usually, hurt feelings are involved, and the situation is unbearable until someone moves out. Before we get into the social dynamics of it, let’s talk about the medical issue. You seem to have hypersensitivity regarding hearing, while one of your former mates has hearing loss. The obvious solution would be for your former mate to get a hearing aid, and you, perhaps, to get earplugs or wear headphones so you do not hear the noise so much. Papabear is beginning to guess that a big issue here is money, that you are living together not because you want to but because you have to because money is short; and that the person with hearing loss cannot afford a hearing aid. Hearing aids can cost thousands of dollars, as you might already know. If you cannot get help from insurance or other programs, you might try the Help American Hear program sponsored by the Foundation for Sight and Sound at http://foundationforsightandsound.org/index.html. They might be able to help with this situation. As for your sensitive hearing, have you seen a doctor about it? If not, perhaps you should. If so, and they can do nothing, have you tried simply using ear plugs? Or, as mentioned above, head phones? Papabear’s mother wore earplugs all the time because his father snored very loudly! Okay, so those are the direct, medical possibilities (and, remember, I’m not a doctor, so always consult a doctor first about medical issues!), but what of the social ones? You mention that your friend and other mate seem to have no problem raising their voices so that mate 2 can hear them, yet they have trouble doing the opposite, lowering their voices for very long so as not to bother you. It sounds (pardon the pun) that perhaps it is simply more natural for them to speak loudly, and so they do not really have to think hard when it comes to shouting so that the one mate can hear them. Keeping fairly quiet, on the other hand, seems and effort. If you’re all in the same room together, Papabear can see how this would be trying for everyone. “Okay! Gotta speak loudly now because we’re talking to YOU, but wait, we gotta keep quiet because our other friend is pained by loud noises.” So, I do not believe they are “conveniently forgetting” about your hearing; it just gets too complicated raising voices, lowering voices, talking in a normal voice, so they seem to have largely settled on talking loudly so at least most are satisfied. Also, if you’re in the other room, they might simply forget about keeping their voices lower because “out of sight, out of mind.” Once again, the easiest solution would be for you to wear earplugs of some sort to lessen the noise. Now, there is also the unpleasant possibility that they are doing this deliberately to hurt you in some way, as they are both your former mates and you were clear that the one person who was not your mate has no problem respecting your wishes. Perhaps they are “getting back at you” in a passive aggressive way. That’s not a pleasant prospect, but it is a possibility. If earplugs don’t work, and moving out on your own is not an option, and if talking to them reasonably does not work, either, then you are indeed between a rock and a hard place. If Papabear were you, he would do what he could to find a new place to live, such as finding new roommates to help pay the bills. I hope this helps to at least put the situation in perspective, and wish you well. Bear Hugs, Papabear Dear Papabear,
Why is it that furries seem to get flack for stuff that anime has, while anime seems to get a pass? I've been persecuted a lot online for being a furry on the basis of it being adult orientated, when anime has the same stuff. Why do people persecute us furries for stuff what other fandoms have? --Foxyfluf * * * Dear Foxyfluf, I’ll bet you’re familiar with Rule 34: if it exists, there is porn for it. As you pointed out, there is Anime porn. There is also Star Trek porn, Disney porn, Lord of the Rings porn, etc. etc. As the song goes on the stage musical Avenue Q, the Internet is for porn! Apparently so. But not even just the Internet. Anime porn is available in full-length movie form far and above anything available in the way of furporn. Some of the anime stuff is quite shocking, too, involving... er, “Death by Snoo Snoo,” as they say on Futurama, as well as disturbing scenes from Hell. (Yeah, Papabear has seen it). Which brings us back to your question: If anime has the same stuff as things you see on furry sites, why do we furs get all the flack? Shocking revelation alert! Papabear has a theory :-P. The furry community does not produce their material through major movie studios or other corporations. We are a purely amateur-run art, flash, and, sometimes, filmmaking society of people. This makes it easier for people outside the fandom to attack us, just like a wolf pack attacking a weak, young bison. We have no big bucks behind us to fight back (this might change in the future, but in the meantime it holds true). Another reason for this persecution is that, frankly, furporn is too easy to find online. You might note that anime porn is often placed in adults-only areas where a visitor has to verify his or her age or, even more, pay for a subscription to the adult materials inside. On the other hand, if you go to FurAffinity.net, e621.net, or even sofurry.com, you can easily access free porn. If Papabear had any say in the matter, he would recommend to these and other sites that they set up an adults only section. I believe this could go a long way toward dispelling the impression that furries are all about porn. Thirdly, furries have simply gotten more bad press than anime or other types of specialized porn. This is a subject that has been addressed in this and other furry sites many times, so Papabear feels no need to elaborate upon it. I hope this answers your question, Foxyfluf! And, as always, Papabear welcomes comments on this topic and encourages his readers to present their thoughts and theories. I’m sure some of you have unique insights on this. Hugs, Papabear |
Categories
All
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.
|