Her Boyfriend Isn't Furry Enough for Her

Dear Papabear,

My boyfriend and I get along very well, despite me being a furry and him not so. I want him to relate more to the furry fandom so we can feel closer (since we're a long distance relationship), but he doesn't want anything to do with furry social networks or art sites. I wanted him to join me on a good number of them, but he just wouldn't. Same goes for IMVU. I just can't get him to do anything like that with me. I don't know what to do about it without sounding like a baby.

-Michelle

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Dear Michelle,

First of all, consider yourself lucky that you have a nonfurry boyfriend who is okay with your being a furry. Not everyone is so understanding. He sounds like he has an open mind, which is a good quality to have.

You also knew going into this relationship that he was not a furry. So, you really should not be surprised that he is not interested in your furry activities. I understand that you want to share things with him to bring the two of you closer together, of course.

While you shouldn’t force your boyfriend to do things he doesn’t want to do, all relationships should take a little effort on both party’s sides. Good relationships combine a bit of sharing and compromise. Does your boyfriend have any interests that you don’t share? For instance, perhaps he is interested in sports—have you ever gone to a game with him? Or talked about teams or websites he enjoys?

Papabear is in a similar situation to yours (although it’s not long distance). My mate is not a furry, but he indulges me completely in my activities in the fandom and has come with me to several cons. However, he really isn’t active in the social network sites dedicated to furries.... Why? Because he’s not a furry and isn’t interested in that stuff, so I don’t make him do it.

Because you are in a long-distance relationship, I can see why you are trying to get him to participate in social sites online.  It would be better if you could do something together in the real world, like go to a furcon or furmeet, but let’s say that’s not an option. How about this for a compromise? You could meet on SecondLife—you in your furry form, and he as a human.  You could visit some of the furry areas of 2L and also some of the nonfurry areas that interest him.

So, in summary, the key here is compromise. Give and take. You should make an effort to share some of the things your boyfriend enjoys and he should do the same for you. But be careful. Don’t try to “remake” or “change” your boyfriend to your tastes. If you don’t like your boyfriend the way he is, then you should look for someone who does fit your idea of a model boyfriend. It is a mistake that many people make: “Oh, this guy (girl) is pretty nice, but has a few flaws I will work on to change.” Trying to change people is manipulative and unfair to your partner. Be happy that he loves YOU as you are and accepts your furry side. And learn to give as much as you ask for in return.

Good luck!

Papabear