Dear Papa Bear,
I am having real issues with my relationship with my mate.... It's turned out to be things I never thought or wanted it to be. Firstly, I want to say we are engaged and we have been together about one year. Basically, my mate has a master, is constantly looking for other mates, and is master to many pets. My mate constantly looks for local pets to yiff with. He says he just has to yiff with other people or it will just end badly. I inevitably just tell him "whatever," and then I just go mope in the corner cause I can't seem to make my mate feel good and so he needs other people.
I have told him all this and he just tells me "it feels different." My mate is always telling his pets he loves them and that he bonds with his pets so it's not just yiff. I have told him that all this makes me feel less special and like he could just replace me if he wanted to, but he still says that I am different from them.
Now on to the bad stuff.... I'm not too proud to say I hacked into my mate's computer and read his chat logs, but when I did I found so many things I never knew. He has told multiple people that I will not have any bearing on him and them. Also he apparently has a pet with an std, which he has told he would play with him if it wasn't for the fact that it would totally piss me off if he did. I know I have blamed someone else before when I did not want to do something, so I figure maybe that is what he was doing, but I really don't know.
In conclusion my main question is, "is this love?" We really used to be really lovey dovey and I figured that wouldn't last, but now my mate just sits on his computer talking to people and yiffing people on Second Life. So is this love? Should I leave him?
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Dear Lost Lion,
It is very clear to Papabear that you and your mate want different things. You are uncomfortable with his yiffing other people and RPing online with them; he has a very strong sex drive and apparently wants to be polygamous.
Your mate might be sincere that his love for you is different than what he feels for his pets and other playmates. In fact, I believe he IS sincere. However, that is not important. What IS important is how YOU feel. You are obviously not okay with it. It makes you feel bad and unwanted. You are not happy with your relationship this way, and it is clear your relationship has descended into distrust (as noted by your spying on him).
YOUR feelings are just as important as his, and if the two of you do not share the same sexual desires and needs your relationship cannot last. Unless you can resolve the situation to both your satisfactions (and I encourage you to try again), then, yes, it is time for you to find other people to be mates with.
I wish you luck. I know this is painful, but you have to do what is right for you.
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