So I’ve got this fur-friend who lives nearby. He's sweet, he really is, but he is ever so obsessive.
I've known him since last autumn, and due to we both having gone through a tough growth, we both consider each other furry brothers.
We spent the past New Year's together with another fur. He and another fur later became mates, and after a stormy relationship (due to him being extremely suspicious about everything) that other fur broke up with him because he was stressing him out and he was pretty much living his life, not his own.
After that, my fur brother got upset and refused to ever talk with him again. (Just like he refuses to talk to anyone he's had a past relationship with.)
Now, I'm VERY good friends with the person that broke up with him, and we've sort of wanted to get it on with each other, but as I’ve promised him not to, even if they weren't together anymore.
And even before they became mates, we talked regularly together, and he was EXTREMELY obsessive over me, and had moments where he went "You like him more than me, don't you? Say it!" even though I’ve told him several times that I don't put my friends on a ranking list.
As both he and I are fans of the annual Eurovision Song Contest (Europes most popular TV-show), I spent the Eurovision week together with him and he kept spying on me. Whenever I went to the bathroom or the like, he sneaked onto my laptop to read conversation logs, so I had to put a password on my laptop and lock it every time I went somewhere. And it didn't stop there. He kept sneak peeking over to my laptop screen whenever we were both in his couch, and he got upset whenever I tried to shield his vision from my screen. And whenever he wasn't trying to spy on my screen, he asked me like every 10 seconds, what I was doing, who I was talking to and what we were talking about. He even wouldn't let me send texts without asking who I was texting. It felt like I was in a "Big Brother is watching you" community.
Now, while I was visiting him, I told him that I had plans to move in together with the fur who used to be his mate because where I currently live, the two furs that live here are moving out (they're a couple and obviously want to live their own life) and I can't stand the neighbours upstairs. They're noisy, got no respect whatsoever etc. And if left alone, that's when my bad thoughts creep up on me. (I've got a depression since 10 years back). Anyhow, when I told him that, he told me he might not ever be able to talk to me again. And later that evening, he texted me (even though I was 2 meters away) and said it might be the best if we part ways. And the next day he acted as if everything was fine. And that next day was when I was going home as well, and when I got home, I was so exhausted from EVERYTHING that had happened, and I still am. I've honestly pondered if it'd be best to cut ties with him. He's stressing me out as hell, and trying to help him just makes my own depression seem to get worse.
I'm afraid that if I let this go on the bubble will burst and I'll take everything I've kept inside out on someone.
What would be the best thing for me to do?
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Papabear believes you already know what to do, but I will add a little advice to an uncharacteristically short response from the ol’ bear. Since you care about this furry, you can try sitting him down and saying, “Look, you know I care about you, but your obsessive spying on me shows that you do not trust me, and when there is no trust in a relationship—ANY kind of relationship—then it is doomed to fail. Because you mean a lot to me, I am giving you a chance: stop spying on me and being suspicious of me and we can continue to be friends. If you can’t, then you are correct in what you said in your text message to me: we need to go our separate ways.”
See what he says to that. If he agrees to try and do better, then give him another chance. If he improves, then great! Your friendship can continue. If not, then you have your answer. Same if he rejects your proposal outright.
Your friend is clearly very disturbed. He could probably benefit from counseling, but the kind of help he would need is far beyond what you can provide. Not only that, but you have your own issues to deal with (your depression) and being in this unhealthy relationship can only harm you if it continues the way it has been. You need to surround yourself, as much as possible, with loving and caring people, not people who stress you out and make your life miserable.
Before you cut him out, talk to him one more time and give him a chance. This is always the right thing to do, but judging by what you have told Papabear, I frankly don’t think he will change that easily. Therefore, protect your own sanity and well-being. You’ll know what to do.
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