Write to Papabear

Is Enjoying Fat Furry and Inflation Art OK?

7/11/2018

Hello, Papabear,

I just wanted to talk a bit about some things that have been bothering me (mostly relates to the furry fandom, I promise). Anyway, I've been a part of the furry fandom for technically 10 years ever since I discovered what fursonas were back in early high school (though my childhood love of anthro animals in Disney and WB cartoons actually predates my discovery of the fandom).

Anyway, for a while I grew interested in the artwork of certain furry artists on deviantART. Sure, the furry art was enjoyable but over time, I discovered the site known as FurAffinity. I lurked on there for quite a few years (still on there) but since I was a teenager, I was quite paranoid and anxious about it because I usually enjoyed the more...expansive furry art. It's kind of embarrassing but inflation and weight gain art was and is still very appealing to me but even though I very much favorite family friendly furry art and those artists I like too, it's been part of the reason I'm unsure of how to actually try and show my parents the tame (family friendly) side of the fandom so they don't get weirded out by the whole fandom and tell me not to do it even though I want to be a part of the community more, genuinely make friends and go to furcons/furmeets.

The thing is that I had gone through a very traumatic experience back in primary school where I was made fun of a lot but even worse, people made fun of my weight behind my back. It shattered my worldview and made me anxious, upset and scared people may have secretly hated me for so long and just were pretending to like me and I would have no idea who actually did it. It deeply affected me right into high school to the point where I was lonely, severely depressed and suicidal but even though I don't want to die now, I just want friends who understand me (I have friends but I barely see them and none of them are furries). That horrible experience still affects me to this day. I still am afraid of what people think of me and I have social anxiety at times and it's for that reason why I'm not sure about going to a furry convention because of all the squeakers and mutes that I'd feel unable to talk to and I'd feel intimidated too.

My parents (they're separated) do love me and are not religious because they thought we would be effectively brainwashed with hateful propaganda. The reason I stopped being a Christian years ago was because of the conservative bigots over the years who hate the LGBT+ community (I'm bisexual). It's just I never told them about the furry fandom except for this one time by PC froze up, my mum walked in and violated my privacy by going into my FurAffinity faves that I was browsing on which was both mortifying and infurating. She said it was disturbing (her words) and even though I empathized with her feelings, I've always by instinct minimized/muted my browser whenever I go out of my room because the thought of people looking into my...interests only makes me immensely uncomfortable because I fear being judged by my family when I already have a mild learning disability (Aspergers) and I already have a hard time dealing with loneliness and my frustrations with my own family after we split apart. They don't judge my disability and they are supporting me on that so that's good.

I don't want to keep hiding this fandom from them anymore. It keeps eating away at me and makes me feel worse about myself. I obviously feel uncomfortable showing the suggestive kink art but I'd rather show the family friendly works so they can at least understand (I hope).

Though all in all, what I'm trying to ask is is it wrong liking that artwork (even the family stuff), let alone being a furry?

I just want to know because this has been bothering me for a long time and I would love to get an answer as soon as you can.

Sincerely, Sam the dog (age 23, Australia)

* * *

Dear Sam,

You should know that in the furry world you are in good company. There is a plethora (love saying that word: plethora! PLEH-THOO-RAAH LOL) of furries who really like big furries, inflation, or both. Heck, there is a Facebook group that is not at all ashamed to call the group Fat Furry Fans, and there is a group of over 700 members called Inflatable Furries/Scalies. As a FurAffinity and deviantArt member who collects such art, you must surely be aware that these are popular subcultures within the subculture of furries in general, yes? So, while your experience within the mundane world involving shaming because of your weight is indeed harsh, I firmly believe you will be much more accepted at furry conventions and other social gatherings than you are in the mundane world.

Addressing the whole parent thing: While it is important for a parent to have an interest in their kids' lives and behaviors, and they should try to protect them from harm, it is intrusive to spy on sexual behavior--at least, legal sexual behavior. Everyone has private sexual habits that are not for everyone's eyes, and sneaking onto your computer to check out what you like in porn is a violation of your privacy and trust. Many parents think that trust is a one-way street, but it should be both ways: you should trust your parents and they should trust you. You don't sneak onto their computers and they shouldn't sneak onto yours. That said, having a secretive behavior is not cool, either.

This is, admittedly, a tricky thing in families. You want to be open and have good communication, but on the other paw, you have a right to some privacy. I'm sure Mom and Dad have some sexual proclivities they are not anxious to tell you about, too. Parents, under the law, have certain rights and responsibilities, including providing you with food, clothing, and a secure environment. However, you are now 23, which is legal age, so they have absolutely NO business butting into your business. Just because you have Asperger's is no excuse to treat you like a child, either.

It should be noted here, though, that online sexual behavior between minors or between a minor and an adult is illegal, both federally and in most states in the United States. You, of course, are from Australia, where it is also illegal, and a penalty of up to two years in prison is possible there. Because of these laws--which are pervasive internationally--it can be dangerous for you to explore sexuality online. This, sorry to say, is particularly true with furry sites because a huge part of the demographic is under 18 years of age. The part where you have to be careful is with any art or real-life photos that show minors (some furries into the babyfur scene have discovered that, sad to say), all of which can be classified as child pornography. Also, doing sexual RP online with someone who is a minor can be construed as breaking the law. This is particularly difficult in the furry world because there are people online who are under 18 who pose as adults when they RP or share art. You must be very very very cautious.

Bottom line: 1) According to your letter, your parents sound pretty cool for the most part; strike up an honest conversation with them about your interest in furries. Tell them you appreciate their interest in your life and their desire to keep you safe, but do insist that you deserve a little privacy when it comes to sex just as you respect their privacy on such matters; 2) keep your regular furry behavior and your sexual interests separate--at least, while you still live with your family; if you save art, keep it on an external drive that you keep in a safe place or in the cloud or somewhere where it is not readily available to someone without a password. You can fave art on your FurAffinity page and keep it from prying eyes by logging out of FA when you go offline and then using your password to get back in. Never share your password with anyone, obviously, even people you think you can trust; 3) and once you have your G furry life separated from your adult furry life, open up more about your furriness to your parents, with an emphasis that there is a HUGE difference between being a furry and one's sex life and that the two are not bound together in the furry community (i.e., furry isn't about sex; it is about furry fun is all). Finally, you're 23. Time to move out of your parents' house and start your own life. You can do it. Mild Asperger's should not hinder you.

It is okay for you to be furry. It is okay to have sexual desires. It is okay if those sexual desires are "unconventional" as long as you are not hurting people (e.g., rape is not okay, child molestation is not okay, but you are not engaging in either of those, so you're cool).

Hope that helps.

Big Bear Hugs,
Papabear

1 Comment

12-Year-Old Girl Is Concerned about Having Sexual Feelings

4/28/2018

0 Comments

Hello Papa!

There has been trouble with me lately. You know how most people get crushes in school? Well I have one. It's a girl and her name is Sylina.

The problem is that I have had, well, very mature feelings. Okay let's be honest here, more like "sexual" feelings. This would be okay, if I were much older, but I'm still in school. It's very confusing that someone this young could get these feelings in the first place, but why? Is there something wrong with me? What is it? I don't know how someone can answer these questions but still, if you can answer, why and how do I deal with this?

Anonymous (age 12)

* * *

Dear Furiend,

Sorry for the late reply. I had to take a break from the column for a while, but I'm back now.

While being 12 does seem young to many people, the truth is that females have been reaching puberty at an earlier and earlier age. Thirteen is now the average, so at 12 if you are hitting puberty that is just on the lower side of the average. Here is an article about this trend, which, sad to say, could mean some health problems for women as they age.

Now the problem we have is that, in our society today, young teens are not established to support themselves financially and career-wise until at least their late teens, yet biologically we are seeing teens reaching sexual maturity in their early teens and sometimes as early as 9 or 10. The danger here, of course, is that very young people could start engaging in sex, possibly even having children at too early an age, putting stress on themselves, their families, and society in general. As you are clearly aware, this is going to make you question a lot of things in your life.

The first thing for you to understand, however, is that your feelings do not mean there is "something wrong" with you. There is nothing wrong with you that isn't happening to everyone else your age, you just have the courage to talk about it.

My suggestion is that you talk to the nurse's office in your school (you should have one, yes?) and, even better, talk to a school counselor if one is available. If you attend a church or temple, you could also seek some advice there if that makes you more comfortable. You need to arm yourself with information so that you are not working in the dark. You can also check out this helpful website designed just for you and your questions.

Good Luck!

Hugs,
Papabear

0 Comments

Fears Are Keeping Him from Exploring His Gender and Sex More Deeply

4/26/2018

0 Comments

Hello, Papabear,

Thank you for addressing my letter.

I have had problems with gender and sexuality for as long as I can remember, and they escalated during my adolescence. I was diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and have since tried my best to cure it. I have sought help from one of the specialists in my country, and the disease seems mostly controlled now, at the age of 24.

However, thoughts about gender and sexuality continue to plague my mind even today. I never had a relationship with a woman, despite the fact that I tried many times to have a stable and lasting relationship (though most of the times the women I was interested said they already had a boyfriend when I asked them on a date), but I have had experiences with men, though none of them lasting relationships.

Not all of these experiences were pleasant, because although I did not mind oral sex, I have a immense fear of penetration and its consequences.

But back to gender, the main problem.

It seems like I am particularly sensitive to transgender-related topics. There are no transgender news that I won't read about, or transgender characters that I won't take an interest in, or transgender videos that I won't watch.

When I come into contact with this topic, I start to wonder and ruminate about being female, how would I feel, what it would take, and if I wouldn't regret it. I have tried female clothing in the past and I have liked it. I often fantasize about being female (or at least feminine). I am a bit scared of the implications of being female in society, however.

For some time, I joined a transgender help group, but left because I felt like I was going down a path that I would regret, that would destroy my relationship with my family. I was always their 'golden boy', and they have always supported me. But telling them about this, or having Sex Reassignment Surgery would be my ruin.

I tried talking about my therapist about this, but I feel like she is a bit transphobic herself. I once talked to her about a MtF that was my friend, and she insisted that she was a man. Seemingly shoving it down my throat at every possible opportunity. Still, I can't search for another therapist because my parents like the progress regarding OCD I made with this one. They insist I remain with this one, and if I don't, they start arguments with me.

Last year I decided to burry this 'transgender business' as I called it, and tried to move forward. Most days, I am happy with being male, and even acknowledge that being a man has it's advantages. Other days, I feel an unavoidable need to be feminine.

These cycles come and go: Some days I discard it as being ridiculous, about not passing as or even wanting to be female (I wonder if it has something to do with having a conservative and transphobic family). Even consider wether or not this fixation on femininity is part of my OCD. Other days, like today, it's so strongly present in my mind that it leaves me depressed. I look at my body and feel discomfort. I lack breasts, and looking down I can't see a vagina.

I can't get it out. I can't get any closure. And I am always so confused.

Can you please help me?

Thank you,

Anonymous (Portugal)

* * *

Dear Furiend,

Please forgive my late reply. I had to take a month off from my column for personal and work reasons. I hope it is not too late to reply.

This is a difficult letter to address because you have already taken a number of recommended steps and have not found satisfaction. You have sought therapy and you a help group to no avail. I agree with you that if you are not comfortable with your current therapist you should look for another one, and then we run into the parents issue. Evidently, they are paying for your therapy. While that is great that they are trying to support you, it's not so great that they won't let you switch therapists. Noting that you are 24, though, one has to wonder why you are not out on your own by now and managing your own life. Are you still in college and living with your parents? Is there any way you can pay for a therapist yourself and, thus, make your own choice as to whom you should see?

While your OCD is not directly related to your transgender issues, it might, indeed, be making it more difficult for you. But even if you didn't have OCD, you probably would still be thinking about your gender and sex a lot. Understandable. I don't believe your desire to be female is going to go away if you ignore it, so it is something you will, at some point, have to hit head on.

One step at a time, though.

It is clear that your parents and your therapist are holding you back. Therefore, the first thing you must do is become an independent adult who is in charge of his own income and medical care. You are 24 and it is time that you do this (unless there is something you aren't telling me that is preventing you from being independent?)

I'm sorry to say that I am not familiar with health care coverage in Portugal other than that there is a National Health Service there that helps cover many, but not all, expenses. Perhaps you have already researched this, but if not, you should find out whether and by how much MtF surgery is covered. (By the way, if you are really considering surgery, this is better defined as being transsexual.)

Another thing you can do is look for another transgender/transsexual support group. Since your English is excellent, you don't have to limit yourself to groups in Portugal. As you might imagine, there are many that are based in the USA.

Finally, you need to get over the fear of disappointing your parents. You don't have to be "the Golden Boy" all your life. That's too much pressure and it's not realistic. It is much more important that you just be yourself, and your parents need to accept that. And here's where your OCD is also probably kicking in: you are obsessing that being transgender (or transsexual) is going to "ruin" you and your whole life. You run through it over and over in your head until this fear paralyzes you.

Fear of judgment from others is, in my view, the number one reason most human beings in the world do not reach their full potential or find happiness. Once you let go of that fear, you will be liberated. Sure, it is easy for me to write that down, and I realize that is a difficult road to travel, but it is one you must travel.

Accept yourself for what you are. Don't blame it on OCD. Don't avoid it because of your parents. Seek support from people like yourself. If you are on Facebook, you might try the Transgender Support Circle. There are literally thousands of people there for you to talk to.

I hope this helps you some. Please feel free to write again if I am missing something that needs to be addressed.

Hugs,
Papabear

0 Comments

Teen Feels Guilt and Shame for Being Aroused by Furporn

3/19/2018

1 Comment

Hello,

I was wondering if you can help me with something. You see, my first experience with the furry fandom was when I was 13 years old or so. But the thing is, I got exposed to the NSFW side of the fandom and became addicted to it for a few years now. I had the idea to join in the fandom and try to stay on the clean side. Unfortunately, it was not the case as still have the addiction. Sometimes I even have had thoughts on wanting revenge on those who make this kind of art material and how a lot of furries don't keep this kind of stuff private on facebook and twitter that makes it really easy for kids to view it. I only just want to be a good person a lay my demons to rest. Also, if I do actually want to be in this fandom, I might be afraid because of being viewed as immature or as some kind of degenerate and whatever terms and labels people have been throwing around, I know some people say furry is also just a label.

Thanks, Anon

* * *

Dear Furiend,

Thank you for your letter, which allows Papabear to address some interesting subjects. You sound as if you have a lot of guilt over being sexually stimulated by furporn. First of all, as a teenager it is completely natural that your libido would be on overdrive. Sex is pretty much on the brain of all young men (and women) because that's when you are the healthiest and most fertile. It's a Mother Nature thing. Most people become very stimulated by "normal" pornography on the Internet. In fact, porn sites are the most accessed of any type of website on the Web. (Interestingly, the Bible Belt states have the highest rate of porn access in the United States). Is furporn worse or more "degenerate" than any other type of pornography? No, no it is not. Do furries look at a lot of porn? Yes, many do--some more than others, of course. Is furry all about porn? Certainly not. Furporn is just one small aspect of a very interesting and diverse fandom; however, to deny that it is also a fascination for many furries would be tantamount to sticking one's head in the sand.

Why do some furries look at or create furporn? Are they secretly zoophiles? No. I have a number of theories on this matter about which I am writing more in-depth in my upcoming book. One theory is that fursonas create a mask over our sexual proclivities--a buffer, if you will, protecting us from our culture-promoted embarrassment and anxieties over being sexual animals. It is the same reason, for example, why I, as Grubbs Grizzly, felt much more comfortable performing on stage in fursuit than I ever would have as myself: you feel less vulnerable, more protected against criticism or guilt.

Another theory is that furporn allows us to be more free in expressing our animalistic sexual desires. In furporn, no one worries about protection, for example, and there is a sense of liberation in letting it, shall we say, all hang out. It also relieves anxiety over being homosexual ("It's not me doing this, it's my fursona") or having a fetish of some kind. The factor that furries do not exist in real-life places furporn high on the "this is just totally fantasy" list, making it feel safer because one knows that having sex with a dragon or anthro wolf is never going to happen in real life, so there, again, is the relief from anxiety and anticipation.

Seeking "revenge" on furporn artists will not help you, as you likely know. First of all, there's no way you will get rid of furporn, no matter what you do. It's here to stay. Secondly, furporn didn't create sexual desires in you; you already had those and porn just provides you with an outlet. Thirdly, don't feel guilty about it. Human sexuality is extremely diverse, and it can be imaginative and highly creative in a good way (the only bad kinds of sexuality involve anything in which sex is forced against someone's will--rape, sex with children, for example). When sex is consensual and done safely, it is actually a healthy practice that fosters social bonds and even love.

Finally, if looking at furporn made you a reject in the fandom, then yours truly would be a reject, too. I don't think I am, so you should be cool.

Re-examine why you have these feelings of guilt and shame. Is it because YOU think furry sexuality is bad, or is because you feel society thinks it is bad and will reject you?

Hugs,
Papabear

1 Comment

A Query about Zoophilia in the Fandom

2/20/2018

2 Comments

Hey PapaBear,

I am new to the furry community and very much like the feral aspect of the group. I often have thoughts of taking these desires IRL and maybe having sex with a dog. I was wondering if this is an OK idea in the Furry community, and if there are even groups for it?

Thanks,
Max (age 20)

* * *

Dear Max,

You are talking about zoophilia: the sexual attraction for another species. Zoophilia has been present in human society since ancient times. You’ve likely heard stories of the farmer who has sex with a pig, sheep, horse, or cow. Sometimes this might be a case of “any port in a storm,” but other times it is a genuine attraction for an animal.

Furries, in general, dislike being associated with zoophilia because many outsiders have falsely accused all furries as indulging in our passion because we want to have sex with dogs etc. That said, according to an [adjective][species] survey, about 18% of the fandom characterizes itself as zoophiles. Another site that does surveys (and is run by people with doctorates in social sciences and psychology) is furscience.com (the International Anthropomorphic Research Project), which apparently has not done any research into this aspect of the fandom as yet (I sent them a query).

Because of the stigma against zoophilia, you will have a hard time finding any furry group openly dedicated to this topic (not saying they aren’t out there, but I haven’t seen one as yet). But if you wish to educate yourself more about zoophilia, the best site I could recommend is Zeta Verein. It is based out of Germany, but it also has a British branch, so the information is all available in English.

Cheers,
Papabear

2 Comments

About That Furry Display at the NYC Museum of Sex ...

1/15/2018

0 Comments

Hello,

I just wanted to make a point. I live in NYC and recently visited the Museum of Sex. It's a pretty good museum, but in one of the exhibitions I saw a Furry head-piece. Although I am not a furry myself, I found this offensive since it was displayed around a number of curious sexual devices.

My first thought was that being a furry isn't just about being sexual. I think that there might be a general misconception about what makes Furries tick. I think most non-Furries joke about Furries in a sexual context, and that's not right.

Anyhow, just FYI, it might be a opportunity to set something right and email the NYC Museum of Sex.

Oh yeah, question. Do you agree with this notion, and what are your thoughts?

Love,
Abel

* * *

Dear Abel,

Ah, yes, the Museum of Sex, LOL. It does indeed contain some furry paraFURnalia, some of which was loaned to the museum in the past by fursuit pioneer Robert Hill. Here is a photo of a display that, it seems, is no longer at the museum:

There is no denying that sexuality is part of the art and culture of the fandom, but it certainly is not the only part or even a main part of it. The subject of sex in the fandom and why it is there will be addressed in my upcoming book.

In the meantime, there are several books out there that try to talk about "what makes furries tick" that you can check out, including Furry Nation by Joe Strike, and Furries Among Us (volumes 1 and 2), essay collections edited by Thurston Howl. If you're really interested, you could also check out two research sites about furries: The International Anthropomorphic Research Project, which is run by scientists in fields such as psychology and sociology, and the [adjective][species] site, which also does surveys about furries.

But you are correct: the furry fandom and its members are complicated. There is not just one reason why people are attracted to the fandom, and there is not just one type of furry, not by a long shot. The reasons range from creative expression to social, psychological, and even spiritual reasons. Furries are writers, musicians, artists, performers, gamers, or simply people trying to have a fun time and socializing with friends and making new ones.

But sex museums and people in the media don't want to hear about that. It's too complicated and too difficult to explain in a display or a special TV news report, so they go for the low-hanging fruit, which is that if you want to draw eyes a great way to do it is to talk about sex. Sex sells, as they say, and that (in a nutshell) is why non-furries zoom in on this one aspect of a complex and fascinating fandom.

I'm glad you found the display misleading about the fandom. Good for you for having an open mind! However, it won't help to write to the Museum of Sex. As long as someone is willing to donate masks or fusuits or drawings to the museum, you can bet they will display them. It's fine, we're used to this nonsense by now. The cool thing is that, as the fandom grows, we've started to gain some acceptance in the world. Sure, there may be jeers here and there, someone ranting against "furfags" on YouTube, but most of us recognize by now that these are just trolls making pathetic bids for attention.

Meanwhile, furcons and other furry meetings continue to spread and grow. And someday, we will take over the world! Bwa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Our evil furplan has just begun! Silly hoomans!

0 Comments

His Struggle with Gender Identity Is, Unsurprisingly, Reflected in His Fursona

10/18/2017

0 Comments

Dear Papabear,

I have been having this certain itch in the back of my mind for a while, now which has formulated from other things within it. As I have slowly made my steps back into the fandom over a couple of months, there has stresses over my latest fursona.

I was born a male, but over the last year or two, I have been feeling different, and I know you have probably heard this a good few times. I have been feeling a slight uncomfortable feeling with my male image, and often refusing my masculinity. I have pictured an exact female version of myself, and it has caused great happiness within myself.

These feelings have leaked into my creation of older fursonas, with my male ones often being rejected by myself for their simple masculinity and being males themselves. I began to create some female ones, but then came my intense fears of being judged for such. Is it so wrong to make a fursona of a different sex I was born of? I feel really happy with my current fursona, but the opposite gender fear is really getting to me.

Thanks!

TurnWall (age 17)

* * *

Dear TurnWall,

Our fursonas are often an expression of our inner selves, so it is not surprising at all that your struggle with gender identity is reflected in your fursona. There are many people in the fandom just like you, so you will have no problem being accepted by other furries, I should think. Heck, such gender transformations date back to the beginning of the fandom with the famous Robert Hill and his bambioid fursuit, which made appearances at Confurence in the 1980s. His main fursona was Vawlkee, a rather effeminate wolf-morph, and he liked to draw hermaphroditic bears based on Disney characters like Baloo.

Probably the most appealing thing about the fandom is that it is about the freedom of expression, which relates to everything from artistic to sexual expression. When we are free to show how we really feel and think, it brings happiness, as you have experienced with the creation of your new fursona.

Your nervousness is the result of societal pressures from the world's mundane community. You shouldn't listen to the mundanes. Look how badly they have screwed up this planet. Instead, make connections to your own kind: furries, especially those who, like yourself, are exploring their sexual and gender identity.

The more you do so, the more you surround yourself with others who feel the same as you, the more comfortable you will be, and the happier, too!

Hugs,
Papabear

0 Comments

He Has an Amputee Fetish

9/17/2017

0 Comments

Dear Papa,

The first thing I wanna say is, English is not my first language, so I'm sorry if my grammar is uh, bad.

I'm a furry, we all are. and we've been making wonderful creativity things. I'm glad I found this fandom, and I wish I found it sooner, as well as my problem here.

Around 3-4 months ago, I found that r-21 things, such as gore, is appealing. not like I am into killing and be a murder. I love biochemistry, so that explains why I like to see dead bodies and every part of them. but I did not stop right there, I dug myself further into other fetishes. they are all extreme rated fetishes. and yet amputee is my favorite one, and still is. I’ve shown my friends those pics I found interesting; of course, they said I’m sick and judge me. That's okay I didn't care about it, we're still friend. but after that I questioned myself, why am I into it, but they don't. I did some personal research about why people have different ones. I asked many people, and I got myself the answer. which just makes me started liking some fetishes I totally wouldn't dare to try even once. if you wondered how, people explained why they love it in a logical way.

Once, a friend of mine asked, why would I love amputee that much. I just simply told him how I felt about them: the feeling when you hug a much smaller guy, how they have to rely on me, making me feel great to have the honor to take care of them. I can carry him around and travel together, and when it comes to sexual fun, like it or not, he just has to deal with everything I do.

The idea of that obsessed me. I’m still in control of it, but I know some day I would not anymore. Yes, by that I mean a psycho sadist who chops off people's arms and legs and make them my love forcefully. don't worry I am and will not do anything like that. but in case there is a micro percent that I would, that's why I’m here.

Am I okay, Papa? Is this a serious mental problem or anything, or just some extreme fetishes that other furs are into it too? I’d love to hear your word soon.

Rexz

* * *

Dear Rexz,

Having an amputee fetish is technically known as K. Parker Syndrome or acrotomophilia. The opposite of acrotomophilia (just FYI) is apotemnophilia, or the desire to be the amputee in a sexual relationship (acrotomophilia and apotemnophilia can also involve other disabilities, but usually it involves leg and sometimes arm amputation; interestingly, it is more common in males than in females).

You have already surmised the reason for this particular fetish: the desire to have complete control over one’s sexual partner. This can be, as in your case, coupled with a desire to be the loving caretaker of one’s partner.

Having this syndrome in no way indicates that you’re going to be inclined to wander the streets looking for victims to forcefully amputate. Based on what you’ve written, I see no reason for you to think you would do that sort of thing. Further, it is entirely possible that your interest in “gore” is completely clinical, as you stated. Perhaps, even, you might consider a career as a surgeon or other type of doctor. I’ve known some doctors and nurses who have told me things I would find creepy but, in their cases, it is an advantage. For instance, a nurse acquaintance spoke to me once about being completely fascinated by pus and other, well, gross wound leakages. Hey, I found it disgusting, but in her profession, it was great she wasn’t squeamish.

Having sexual fantasies does not mean we will necessarily indulge in them. In fact, that is one reason why furporn is popular and can, indeed, be a healthy form of sexual expression. One example is the vore fetish. People who find this interesting are not actually going to swallow someone whole, but looking at depictions of vore provides a form of safe sexual release.

Likewise, you can indulge, if you like, in amputee fantasies involving willing participants (those with apotemnophilia) who pretend to have been amputated (perhaps by binding legs or walking on their knees, for example). This is called being a “disability pretender.”

All that said, it is important to note that acrotomophilia can be a problem if it becomes obsessive and interferes with the rest of your life. This includes relationships. If you get into a personal relationship only because the other person satisfies your sexual needs, that is a problem. But, truthfully, there are many amputee admirers out there who lead normal lives; indeed, many have college degrees and important jobs. When the syndrome becomes detrimental to your ability to function in society, that is when you need to seek help in the form of psychotherapy.

The short answer for you, Rexz, is yes, you’re okay as long as you don’t allow your fetish to take control of your life.

Hugs,
Papabear

0 Comments

Are You a Pervert?

7/11/2017

0 Comments

Papabear,

I being a huge fan of Robin Hood have this to say since my favorite character is the sheriff of Nottingham and I often dream about him, which includes binging with him and getting massive fat beyond compare: Does this make me a pervert?

Sergie

* * *

Dear Sergie,

There are a couple definitions for the word “pervert”: 1) to distort or corrupt the original meaning of a thing; 2) someone whose sexual behavior is considered abnormal or unacceptable. The first definition doesn’t apply to you; the second actually depends upon the society that you keep.

If one is talking about mundane society, then everything that furries like regarding sex would be defined as perverted because it is not “normal” (whatever the heck that means). So, yes, you’re a pervert.

So am I.

Who cares?

If one defines sex as having to be a man and woman knowing each other biblically only in the missionary position for the sake of procreation, how boring is that?

But if you are talking about living within furry society, you’re practically white bread.

People who are creative and experimental in their sexual activities will have much more fun and have more satisfying sex than those who do not. As long as it is between consenting adults (and if you’re just looking at stuff online that is not relevant either) and you are not hurting anyone, do whatever pleases you.

Enjoy.

Papabear (who also has the hots for the Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood)

0 Comments

Get Your Hands Out of Your Pants ... You're 12, for Pete's Sake!

4/7/2017

0 Comments

Dear Papabear,

I have a transformation fetish. You see, I loved transformations long before they started being a turn-on for me, but now I feel like I should stop looking at transformations online, even if I'm not looking just to turn my self on, because I feel like its a bad thing to indulge my fetish. What do I do?

Deathcat Gottlieb (age 12)

* * *

Hi, Deathcat,

My goodness, 12 is awfully young to be having sex issues. What happened to just being a kid? My advice: stay away from online porn (even G-rated transformation, if that is your trigger) and try to find something to do that is fun, creative, imaginative, and, even better, involves physical activity and social interaction. You're too darn young to be having sex fetish issues. Get your paws away from your groin and go live a more productive life.

Hugs,
Papabear

0 Comments