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While not perfect (emphasis on fursuiters and also makes it look like all furries have social anxiety issues), this is a well-done show that de-emphasizes the fursex stigma and really shows how fun and beneficial the furry community is. I would give it an A- overall. Worth a watch.
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[Note: I want to thank all those who have offered comments at the end of this article. The information I wrote about some of these cons was brought to me by various furries and online articles. I was not at RMFC or the early ConFurence I mention here, or, indeed, any of these cons. In the end, however, it it not important who, exactly, did what to whom. There are two undeniable facts: 1) several furcons have been cancelled over the last couple years; 2) the fact that they were cancelled is NOT because the mundane community banned furries; it IS because, in one way or another, furries behaved badly. It might be that three conventions being cancelled in three years is just a coincidence, but it seems to me that this is an escalating symptom of a phenomenon I am seeing, and that is that the fandom has grown so large that it is getting out of control. What the solution is, I'm not sure, but I think we need to start addressing this in a serious manner.]
I need to pause here and take a breath. There have been some sad developments in the furry world over the last two years or so, and I am going to state my opinion about it so my readers know where I stand. As any furry who pays attention knows, three furcons have now shut down due to bad behavior: Rainfurrest, Oklacon, and, very recently, Rocky Mountain Fur Con. In the first case, the con got out of hand when a bunch of furries trashed hotel rooms, costing the hotel a lot of money, and also indulged in bad (sometimes gross) behavior in the lobby and public areas. In the case of the Colorado con, it seems to be a combination of the actions of a group calling itself the "Furry Raiders" (I've also heard the name #AltFurry), an apparently new group that supports right-wing principles and is opposed to what is, really, a rather liberal social group, as well as furcon admins who didn't pay federal taxes. One admin has also been involved in sex with a minor and (not sure if it's the same person) is connected to the Furry Raiders, allowing them to reserve a block of rooms that ended up excluding other furries and that, in turn, resulted in threats of violence. Here's a good article about what happened at RMFC. Also, in 2014, Oklacon was menaced by drunk furries who engaged in public sex acts that forced the con to shut its doors the next year. And then there is the incident at Midwest Furfest during which someone released chlorine gas in a stairwell. You will notice, though, that MFF is still running. Why? Because it is a great example of a well-run furry convention (kudos to the staff). Something happened that was beyond their control, but they quickly managed the situation and the result was that this convention is still around for good furries to enjoy. While all this saddens Papabear, I'm not really surprised this has happened. The fandom has grown so large and is sans any kind of controls or rules or regulation that unsavory elements have inevitably infiltrated our ranks. Such a lackadaisical approach is the result of a permissive culture that abhors societal restriction (much like the hippie generation). I get that, but there comes a point when being too laid back is a problem. Like a parent who allows her children to do whatever they want, the result is a bunch of spoiled, self-entitled brats who think they can do whatever they like, even if it is harmful to others. It is more important than ever for those who run conventions to be vigilant. It is not impossible to run a large con efficiently and well. Anthrocon had 7,310 attendees in 2016 and you saw nothing like what happened at Rainfurrest or Oklacon. This result is directly attributable to those who run the con. The danger of having badly run furcons is not just that they will close but that they will give all conventions and the fandom a bad name. [Note: Dogpatch Press published a good article about how false rumors can also spread about cons, however.] The preventative is vigilance. The Rainfurrest organizers were overly indulgent with attendees (public drunkenness was rampant); the RMFC staff permitted bad behavior on the part of the Furry Raiders and also either didn't do a background check or didn't care that someone in their ranks had a criminal record. Frankly, these conventions deserved to close. If you can't do it right, then you shouldn't do it. Convention founders and administrators need to have enough gumption to ban furries or groups of furries from joining in on the fun if they have proven themselves to be a problem. (For example, if a group espouses hate, violence, or prejudice towards others, that should be a clue they are not good furries and should not be permitted into a convention). RMFC had the opportunity to do this with the Furry Raiders group, but they backed off and suffered the consequences. (To be fair here, after talking to more people who were there, bad behavior was also demonstrated by anti-Furry Raiders people, one of whom tried to throw a punch). No apologies should be necessary when it comes to who you allow into your organized, private function. Furry conventions have a right to ban anyone they wish for the good of the attendees who simply want to have a good time. We need to seek an answer to this problem now before it escalates any further. My (admittedly, unasked for) advice? I would propose that an organization be created that includes all those who run or wish to run a furry convention (it would be great if this could include furries from all over the world). The purpose of this organization would be to:
The days are past when furcons could operate just fine in isolation from one another. [NOTE: In light of the comment added by Smash in the comments below, the above is obviously a good idea that is already in existence (never said I was original LOL). Funny that I have not heard about the Furry Convention Leadership Roundtable before, even though it was founded back in 2010! I'm sure the members of that group have been talking about recent events. Would be interesting if they could maybe be a little more public about it. Good for them for organizing the FCLR! Kudos all around, and I wish them success in the future.] When I talk to furries and ask them what they like about the fandom, one of the frequent answers is that they enjoy the camaraderie and the fact that furries accept everyone. Indeed, that should be the spirit of furry. You might think that I am against the Furry Raiders' conservative values and that's why I'm ripping on them here. Not at all. If you want to be a conservative furry and vote for Donald Trump, go for it. But don't espouse hatred. Don't threaten violence against other furries. Don't reserve a block of rooms for the purpose of keeping furries you don't like from attending. Such behavior is obviously unacceptable and should be rejected by all good furries everywhere. The furry fandom is supposed to be a world where people can escape from the nonsense of hatred and prejudice that plagues the rest of society. Yes, of course, furries are humans and subject to human flaws, but that doesn't mean we can't strive to be better than that. It takes work, and the more furries there are in the world the more work it will take. I think it's worth the effort. Don't you? [Thanks for all the comments below. I've gotten a few things incorrect, apparently, but was simply reporting what I had heard from people who said they were there. I'm getting some different stories from other people who also said they were there. Details. Well, let's forego all the details. The point is, that furcons have been and are being taken down by furries who can't behave themselves. This is an important issue that needs to be addressed by the community. A good start would be the Furry Convention Leadership Roundtable.] Dear Furry Community,
While not all of you visiting this site are American (and therefore do not celebrate Thanksgiving), I would like to take a moment to thank all of you who have visited, posed questions, and perhaps took the time to offer a compliment or two. Take a little time today to think of things you can be grateful for: friends, family, food on the table, clothes on your back, a bed to sleep in. And do not envy those who may seem more prosperous and successful than you. There will always be others who have more money, better careers, better physical features than you. Envy just brings you down. Instead, work on accepting yourself for who you are, and exercise kindness towards those around you at all times. Take time to appreciate the beauty of nature, the love of a good dog or cat, the flavor of the ice cream melting on your tongue, a kiss on the cheek. None of us knows why we are really here. Perhaps there is no reason at all. So, do your best to enjoy what you have in the here and now. Hugs, Papabear Grubbs You have no doubt by now heard about the shooting in Orlando, Florida, at a gay club there and that the perpetrator (who is now dead) killed dozens and injured dozens more in the name of ISIS. It is, to date, the worst mass shooting in American history.
When something like this happens, we weep and we ask "Why?" Many reasons come out. In this case, several reasons have already been proposed, including that the shooter was an Islamist, that he was mentally ill, and that he was homophobic. It's also worth noting his parents are from Afghanistan and he could have been upset by what is happening in that country. Then there is the corollary that we are not vigilant enough and we allow these things to happen. The killer was investigated not once, but twice, by the FBI, which never charged him. Yet, should this not have raised a red flag when he legally obtained two guns days before the shooting? And there is always the argument against the availability of high-powered weaponry that is obviously not meant for hunting deer. There is also the argument that the writers of the Constitution meant the 2nd Amendment to apply to a "well-regulated militia," not the proliferation of automatic guns and other weapons among unregulated, private citizens. One can easily point to countries in Europe and elsewhere that see far less gun violence because they regulate guns better than we do (they still see violence, but not on the same scale). Furthermore, the NRA argument that more guns, not fewer, is the answer is patently absurd. We have more guns than ever in private hands, yet the problem grows worse every week. All of the above are valid points to be made and could all be factors that led to the shooting deaths of 50 people, but I like to keep things simple. The problem is much deeper than gun laws and prejudice and religious zealotry. The problem is a fundamental flaw in human nature to hate what we don't understand or what we fear. Even now after this heinous act we see people spreading their venom about gay people, making matters worse. The infamous nutbag Pat Robertson has said that it is God punishing us because the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that gay marriage is constitutional. And Texas Lt. Governor Dan Patrick posted a tweet that you "reap what you sew" (he has deleted the comment, but not before thousands saw what kind of person he truly is). Why do people feel this way? Why do people spread hatred and commit acts of violence? In the case of gay hatred, my theory is that the worst perpetrators are the ones who have doubts about their own sexual feelings and use hatred as a way to deny them (how many times have you read stories of anti-gay senators or ministers being caught with their hands in the masculine cookie jar?) But to be less specific, more generalized, the reasons are fear and ignorance. Why do countries go to war? Because they fear they do not have enough power and resources and they are vulnerable unless they conquer their neighbors. Why are people prejudiced against other cultures? Because they are ignorant about how others live, and they fear that which they do not understand. Why do Islamists kill people? Because they have been misled into believing that other people hate their God and don't respect Him. Why does the U.S. government have the biggest military in the world with bases all over the planet? Because we mistakenly believe that if others do not govern as we do or have capitalistic economies then they are a threat, and we also believe that we are wiser and more free than anyone, which just isn't so. Why do some people hate furries? Because they believe all the crap they see on TV and on the Internet and they are afraid of people who behave in imaginative ways they don't understand. So, is there a solution? You cannot solve all the problems of the world by yourself, true, but you can be part of the solution. Educate yourself and learn about other people not just people like yourself. Show love and kindness toward your fellow humans and to Nature. Shine light on the world by being an example of acceptance and charity. Meanwhile, also strive to achieve inner peace and a connection with the universe. (By the way, this is also directed at those furries who seek to create division within our own ranks). The Orlando shooting and other similar crimes serve as an example to all of us of what not to do, and how not to react when you are troubled or angry. The person who killed all those innocents is now dead. We cannot exact revenge, and to be angry and bitter offers no salvation. The only way to fight ignorance is with education, and the only way to fight hatred is with love. That is the lesson here. Blessed Be. Grubbs "Papabear" Grizzly Jim's death has solidified in my heart and mind what the meaning of life is. One can only find meaning in Eternal Truths. Anything that is transitory or impermanent is not an Eternal Truth. These include things such as money, material goods, fame, and power. Love, however, is eternal and exists beyond the material. How am I sure? Jim, whose body was material, is gone, but my love for him persists and always will.
Now, that love once did not exist because there was a time before which I did not know Jim. But, after I met him and got to know him, I fell in love with him. Therefore, Love can be Created, and, if it is Real Love (not lust or romantic idealized love, but real love), it will always exist. Therefore, we are beings who have the power of Generative Love, and that is the remarkable gift that God has given us. Our purpose, then, is not to seek to be loved (passive love, because you are merely receiving it), but to learn to love and to create everlasting love in the universe. (Real love does not dictate, does not seek to change others, but is accepting of others for who they are.) If you seek to do something truly meaningful in your life, then go out and create a loving world. Blessed Be. For the longest time, culminating in these bizarre 2016 elections, I have operated under the assumption that what has mattered in the world on an international scale is the conflict between the rich and powerful vs. the poor and disenfranchised. I’ve even explored the whole New World Order/Illuminati/secret societies thing, the conspiracies about how “they” want to return to a world of rich royalty and serfs a la the Medieval Age. Such has been the history of mankind, a cycle of empire building, rebellions, empires falling again, new empires rising, over and over again. All orchestrated by the NWO?
Let’s assume there is a secret group of ultra-powerful plotters out there orchestrating wars, elections, and so on. Perhaps the goal isn’t actually to create a wealthy elite who hoard money and material goods. Powerful dynasties and rich families have, as noted above, risen and fallen in the past, and even if they did so again, the ultimate end would be a new rebellion and return to another equilibrium. Pointless. What if the goal is actually to keep this cycle going? Keep a struggle between rich and poor, powerful and powerless going, up and down, back and forth, forever? The point? As long as humanity is preoccupied with material resources, armies, borders, wealth, power, etc., we are never going to evolve spiritually into new, enlightened beings. A good example of how this works is religion. The best religions might actually start with good intentions, but they become corrupted once the true power elite discover what is going on, so that the new religion can become part of the cycle. Thus, Jesus becomes a prophet of truth, but when a sect known as the Gnostics teaches that one can have a direct connection to God and Jesus without a priestly elite, that sect is quickly destroyed to be replaced by an approved religion, Catholicism, with a hierarchy, power, and wealth. The Protestants break away from the Catholics, setting up more fighting, which is even better in the minds of those truly in control. Or, a prophet called Muhammad comes up with some nice ideas about God, only to have his followers fight over who his successor will be, creating Sunnis and Shiites who will be forever fighting each other and forgetting what the prophet originally meant. Or the Jews, the Chosen People, become obsessed with the idea that they need a political state and that real estate is all that really matters, thus setting up an endless war in the Middle East. And while everyone is grabbing at real estate, or oil, or water, or money, or control over political systems, shadows lurk in the darkness and laugh at us, knowing we will not become a threat because we will remain animals instead of a new, spiritual species. Without an NWO or some other power, then the pattern still remains, only we just have ourselves to blame for our lack of progress. I, for one, refuse to play this game. I am going to focus on what really matters: my spirit and my love for others. This is not something I normally do, but I found out about a website today that I think is just wonderful. It's called Rainbow Ark and is a site to help promote understanding between furry, religious, and LGBT people and to help those who are furries or LGBT to see that they can follow a faith and not be excluded. Rainbow Ark has a website, a Live Journal page, a Facebook page, and they are on FurAffinity. Also, they have a buddy organization called Open Arms that has this FA page.
Guess this is just one of those times when ol' Papabear is a little slow to discover something so cool. Check 'em out! Dear Readers,
As you know, Papabear gets a lot of letters about love and relationships, so this seemed like a good time to write a note to all of you about love. I think the most frequent problem I see from letter writers is that they think love is something that they get from someone else. They are troubled when they feel they are not getting the attention they deserve. While it is important that the other person in your life respects you and cares about you, you should never think of love in terms of what the other person does for you. If you are truly in love with someone, you'll know it because the only thing on your mind will be "How can I help my love be happy?" Love isn't about sex. Love isn't about money. Yes, these are important issues, but love is about a heart connection that cannot be broken if it is real love. I've often written about the issues of sex and money in relationships, but I want to make it clear that when I do so it is really more in terms about whether lovers have respect for one another, not so much about the money and sex itself. For example, perhaps the one you love is poor and is having trouble finding work, but he or she is trying very hard to do right by you: they don't take advantage of the fact that you have money and they don't use you; they sincerely try their best to get by. That is a person you can support and love back. I've sometimes written about long distance relationships, and I'm going to change my POV there a little, if you don't mind. I'm currently in the longest of long distance relationships that is possible because the one I love is now in the spirit world. Yet my love is still strong. Given this, who the hell am I to say that a relationship via Skype or an iPhone is less possible? There is a thing in physics called "entanglement." This is a phenomenon described by quantum physics in which two or more particles influence their physical states ... and they do so no matter the distance between them. They can be in different galaxies and still interact with one another. I must amend my opinion on LDRs, then. Love knows no distance. Love knows no barriers or boundaries. Love is not limited by time. Love just is. As we travel through this existence, we learn and grow. Papabear is no exception to this. Every letter I write, I do so with sincerity and in the spirit of helping. You, dear letter writers, actually help me to learn and grow, too. We can help each other along the way, and that is what life here is all about. Whether you are with someone or all alone today, you are never truly alone. The universe cares about you. And I care about you. Thank you for contributing to this column and thank you for being you. Happy Valentine's Day, Papabear Dear Readers:
I recently got trolled. Some guy in Costa Rica wrote me two letters: one posing as a father of furries in America who needed some help and the other posing as an Orthodox Christian Serbian who hates furries. He later wrote and said I had been fooled and that I was basically a fraud and a lousy writer. I try very very very very hard to help people on my website and I do it for no pay, taking time out of my busy schedule to do this. To give my heart to people, to reveal to them my innermost personal life and try to share the love of being furry and then to be emotionally manipulated like this doesn't make me angry. It makes me feel like I shouldn't even bother. I've blocked this guy's emails, but there's no guarantee he won't disguise himself again and try to waste my time. Therefore, the letter form on my site has new fields. One requires your real address and the other a phone number. These will not be posted on the site or shared with advertisers, but I WILL be calling people and checking this information to verify you are who you say you are. I am sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. Sadly, we live in a world where some people get their jollies out of wasting people's time and trying to make them look like fools. I appreciate your cooperation. I had to to this or risk the site becoming a useless den for trolls and shutting it down. As it is, this guy's prank is going to make the process much slower and will probably result in some people who could use my help to not write to me. For this, I am very sorry. I am also taking a hiatus. Writing "Ask Papabear" for three years has proven emotionally exhausting for me. I've written before how helping people gives my life purpose. Now it seems that my life's purpose is just garbage to some people. I am going to focus on the Furry Book for a while. I don't honestly know when I will be back. The letters I have in the queue will be answered privately and not posted here. Thank you, A Very Sad Papabear Quoting the email I got from him this morning: Thank you,Papabear. You still think that you can talk behind my back and escape with no casualties? What is it?Isn't this a surprise!Ohhhh...That is right!Ahahaha...It was me all along.Kevin. Both "Russell" and "Garry" are MADE UP.Serbia?I just randomly picked it. Ahhhhh....Gross....I had to act that "Perfect family guy"...You fell for it. Face it,the masquerade is over,and you gave me proof that you are just a coward who does not even have courage to face that "Idiot". You may deny it,you will for sure.But,you even taught me something.You are ignorant... You trusted Garry just because his wife and daughter is a furry. And the other thing,you won't trust Russell because he is against the fandom. So,after all,am I an idiot.You bet I am!But,you are too,Kevin. I am A hacker.You don't need to trust me.Both this accounts are stolen. I live in Costa Rica actually. Quite a shock Isn't it?I needed both accounts.One to milk out answers from you,and the other to frustrate you.Thanks for blindly believing me,Kevin.Ohhhh....Your face expression is priceless!I can only imagine the dread in your eyes! But not everything is black and white here.You learned something today.Humans are assholes aren't they? No,that is not it.Look,who am I?Just a random ass from the internet who does not have anything better to do in life but to hack and troll.You are somebody,you help people.Seriously.Great job!Continue doing that.Don't let this heap of shit make you think otherwise.No matter what others say,just keep doing it. Bye bye. Grubbs is 50 today, and, coincidentally, so am I. I celebrated the morning by greeting it in my birthday suit in my backyard. Jim is taking me to Catalina Island (it's free to ride the boat from Long Beach on your birthday). It will be low key. Walk around the island, go on an island tour, glass-bottom boat ride....
Instead of reflecting on the past, I'm going to look forward. I resolve that in 2016 I will have completed The Furry Book, and it will be most excellent :-3 This isn't a book about the history of furry, if you were wondering. No, I call it a GUIDE to the fandom for both furries and non-furries (mundanes, if you will). I'm conducting interviews with both well-known and not-so-known furries, and it will be well-illustrated with interesting photographs and, perhaps, some drawings. I will continue to learn how to play the piano, and I hope sometime in 2016 to find a good, used upright for the living room (keyboards are nice, but nothing like a real piano). I will continue to improve my nest--aka, my house in the valley. But I will not make the mistake again that a house is the center of one's universe. Home is not a building, it is a state of mind. I will continue to write the "Ask Papabear" column. Might even put together a "best of" collection and see if that sells. I will continue to be a friend to furries. I will come to peace with my spirituality and my place in the universe. Nothing is permanent in life. That is the one biggest lesson I have learned in the past 10 years since discovering that I was gay and having my world turned upside down. I now embrace the present and focus on the pleasures of each moment as I experience it. I've also learned that there is no joy in the acquisition of things. My biggest joy in life comes from helping others and loving others. I love you people. Blessed Be |
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An excellent article on coming out LGBT to Christian parents.
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.
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