Hey there, Papabear,
It's DT here after quite some time!
Anyway, I'm just writing I guess as an update and a further question about what to do.
So... remember that guy I was telling you about who I was into and was into me, but stuck on his ex? Well a lot of time has passed, they broke up again last year and we started talking once again in October. Since then we've been getting closer and closer, seeing each other many times throughout the week.
We're getting closer and closer to a real relationship. He agreed to pick up the "dating" moniker and things have been.... well somewhat smooth.
We started having a few disagreements and he ended up getting angrier and angrier with what I was doing, so he ended up telling me a bunch of rules to follow and, despite me not agreeing with them, I agreed to follow. They were relatively simple, no RPing with my main 'sona (other sona's allowed), no pictures with my main sona with anyone else and not in YCHs unless topping. And no browsing FA without telling him about it or including him in some way. And he stalks my page so he knows if I was like faving something without him.
I don't agree with them, but I understand why he wants them. And they're not really that big a deal. So I agreed to them and have been staying with them, but the arguments keep happening.
Every now and then (about once a week or every two weeks), something will set him off and he'll fly off the handle, going off on me (always over text as well), sometimes insulting me, sometimes just saying I don't care about him or love him. Every now and then he brings up his ex as well. He can be pretty petty at times, and will even admit this. The most recent thing to set him off was during a misunderstanding when I thought he was asking to come over when in reality he was asking if I wanted him to go to Walmart with me. He asked me why I would think that and I mentioned "I dunno. second thoughts?" and he blew up in the course of 3 messages and such. Got him to calm down about an hour later and chill with me.
I always get him to calm down after a lengthy conversation. I'm pretty good at that. I let him know that we should compromise and try talking before letting emotions get out of hand, to call more often if tensions start getting high, etc. But he only seems to partially follow this. Instead he wants me to apologize and change something else about me, which I do. Each time.
I know it feels like I shouldn't be doing that, but it’s what calms him down and it usually is something I should have seen, but I don't like how almost every time is the "last" time and he's always "done" with me. It really is disconcerting. I'm trying my best and working on everything. It doesn't feel like he is, but he insists he is whenever I bring it up.
That's another issue. I want to bring things up with him, but the only time I really can are during these fights wherein he claims I don't stand up for him or care for him or agree with him on things. I feel like if I try to bring up anything, he'll get angry with me, and it’s just not worth it.
I feel like there are things I can't do without upsetting him as well. Like there are a couple parties this weekend I would like to go to and I have invited him. Told him he should come with, but he refuses to go to any furry party and anybody's house. And I know if I go he'll whine and be upset that I went, so I'm probably not going to go. Just chill with him instead I suppose. This has happened before.
I know it sounds bad. It does. But when these things aren't happening he's incredibly sweet, close, talkative. I love it and I feel like I do love him. It's just this is beyond frustrating and it's changing just so slowly. During the fights, he keeps saying he wants to just shut everything down in this un-official relationship, but I always end up talking him out of it, and saying something to try to change, to make it better. And that's pretty much the end of discussion until the next one.
The only other issue is sex I suppose. I mean, the sex is great. He can be a bit too bitey, but most of the time it’s great. I just wish I could penetrate. He likes to say "total top" but I dunno. He's pretty submissive emotionally. Doesn't seem to like things up the rear though, so looks like I'll have to wait.
Anyway, I'm just trying to figure out what to do I suppose. I do love him and he says he loves me. Says it and writes it down. I'm just getting really frustrated with this. I'm tired and it feels like I'm getting nowhere. And I've been changing so much. Doing basically everything he asks of me. What do you think I should do?
Thanks and have a great day!
* * *
What you’re dealing with here is a very insecure mate. When people are insecure about their relationships, one thing they often do is try to control their partner. They become fearful if they feel they don’t know what their partner is doing all the time, and they quickly become jealous. I don’t think I need to tell you that this is not healthy. You’re giving in to him all the time just encourages the behavior. What you are doing is bending over backwards all the time to make him happy. And how about you? Are your needs being met? They are just as important as his needs. You don’t seem overly happy in the bedroom, and you are restricted in what you are able to do socially, such as what events you are allowed to attend.
If you are truly determined to work on this relationship, then you need to bolster your partner’s self-esteem and trust in you. Some suggestions:
In my experience, I’ve seen all too many people compromise when it comes to a partner, often to the point where they have someone in their life who is verbally or even physically abusive. Why do they do this? Usually one of two reasons: 1) they are so afraid of being alone that they will take in anyone willing to be with them, or 2) they have such low self-esteem they feel they are not worthy of a better partner and that “this is the best I can do.” I think you should take a moment and consider if one of these might not be a possible reason you are with this guy. Sure, he can be sweet and loving (if you say so) but he is also controlling and distrustful. If you can’t get these issues resolved with him, then you should seriously consider other options.
I don't know what to say or think any longer... Not long ago, I accepted atheism as my worldview even though I desperately want to believe in more spiritualistic worldviews. The main problem is that atheists claim that their beliefs are rational and all other beliefs are not; it sounds right, but I don't agree with their militant behaviour and disrespect.
I'm so confused and don't know what to do, it's a huge dilemma :'(
Aurel (age 15)
* * *
Religion, God, Life, Death have all been very much on my mind lately, so your letter is timely. I thoroughly enjoy discussing philosophy and spirituality with my readers. I will write more soon, but if you don't mind I want to send you a link to a PDF that you might find fascinating (a little academic, hope you don't mind): http://www.cogsci.uci.edu/~ddhoff/ConsciousRealism2.pdf
I'm not sure which atheists you are talking to. My sister is an atheist, and she's a very kind and wonderful person. Not in your face at all. That said, I do believe in more than just the physical world.
How about you ask me a few specific questions about spirituality or other "Big Questions" and I will write you back? Now, these answers are based on my personal beliefs, so take them with a grain of salt (they are worth the price you pay for them). I will tell you that I am not a Christian, Muslim, or Jew. I am also not an atheist, Satanist, or Wiccan (although I respect Wiccans).
* * *
Thank you for your time but I'm not in the mood for ... anything, let alone philosophy, religion and spirituality. It's just.... I don't know, the whole atheist worldview isn't what I'm comfortable with in the slightest. I know that you once said that we have to stick with a view that we are comfortable with, and that's spirituality, but I'm always afraid that they might be right. Maybe the physical world is the only world? Maybe there is nothing after death? I don't agree with any of that since I do believe that there's something out there and that the universe simply cannot be a product of randomness and chance.
Sorry, I didn't mean ALL atheists, just the militant, in your face ones like professor Richard Dawkins. You know, the ones that don't respect other religious beliefs and that think religious and spiritual people, people different than themselves, are deluded and in a way crazy. I want to be kind and respect people different than myself and I don't think that spirituality and religion is just stupidity and delusion.
I'm not in the mood for anything because I don't think that the physical world is the only world but if I do think otherwise, I'm not rational and intelligent (judging by what many anti-theists say). And then there's death. Many atheists say that their decision to become atheist was the best thing that happened to them but I don't think that's true. They say that they appreciate and enjoy their lives more due to the fact that this is the only life they have. They say that they are generally more joy-filled and happier than when they were religious/spiritual. I don't agree, since the only emotions I could experience since I "decided" (unwillingly) to "become atheist" are sadness, fear and anger. I don't find my hobbies more enjoyable, my sex drive is almost gone, I don't have anything to wake up for and I have trouble getting asleep (I cried myself to sleep this night and had woken up two times unable to sleep). Without spirituality, everything loses its soul. Love doesn't make sense anymore if it's just a chemical reaction, and that sex is just a drive to reproduce. Nature isn't beautiful like it used to be, I don't feel like exercising, I don't find art interesting... Ironically, Dawkins (recently I watched a lot of his documentaries) said that this is more beautiful and interesting than "poverty-stricken religious views.”
I don't want to believe that we are just biological computers, I don't want to believe that there's no purpose to life. I refuse to believe that religious people are stupid and that religion and spirituality should just die.
I refuse to believe that this is "reality." I really, really don't.
I used to be optimistic... Now I just don't know. I would love to be spiritual again, to not worry about death every other minute...
I don't know anymore. If this is supposed to be rationality and reality, then I'll gladly chose ignorance.
I'm going on vacation tomorrow morning and I will possibly be home from said vacation in 10-11 days. Here are some specific things I wish to know, from your perspective.
3) Life after death?
4) Did you follow more than two religions in your lifetime?
5) Were you indoctrinated and or baptized into Christianity?
Feel free to write back while I'm on vacation, thank you for reading my letter. You're a great guy!
* * *
If you’ve read my column, you probably have seen me write that I feel that anyone espousing a religion and asserting that they “know” their religion is right and is the only correct way to believe is either lying or deluding themselves.
But the same goes for atheists. To say, “We know for a fact that there is nothing beyond what the scientific world can explain and that all we are is biological beings and death is the final word” is also an exercise in hubris.
NOBODY knows what life, death, the universe, God/Not God are. NOBODY knows their true nature. In that spirit (pun intended) I will tell you here and now that Papabear doesn’t know, either. I have my theories, my conclusions, my beliefs that I have come to after 50 years of thinking about such things (even as a little child my thoughts were on this matter), but all of them could be wrong or just partially right, or right but only in a limited way.
To answer your questions, I’ll start with the less philosophical ones and work my way up.
So, I started exploring other beliefs. Some, such as Hinduism and Zoroastrianism, seem too tied up in mythologies. When I found out about Wicca, though, I found much to appeal to me. Wicca doesn’t judge people and believes in kindness to others and to Earth. This is all great stuff, and I did some reading about it and considered myself a Wiccan for a short time, but I just couldn’t get into the ideas they have about “magic.” I don’t think there is such a thing as magic, really (again, I could be wrong), but I do admire that Wiccans make very clear that black magic—magic to harm others—is forbidden and if you practice it you will be harmed seven times over.
Next, I got into Shamanism, especially that of the Native American people. Even consulted regularly with a friend in Oklahoma named Blackbear Bright (wonderful person). I love the interconnectedness to the natural world that Shamanism has (similar to Wicca, which is a form of shamanism, really), but I still felt it was not exactly for me. I haven’t abandoned it, but now I flavor it with my pursuit of Buddhism. Buddhism is not a religion, of course, but it is a philosophy that is very spiritual in nature. So I guess you could say I’m into Shamanism/Buddhism but I also add to this my interest in quantum physics, which has become like a third religion to me.
I can’t accept that. I can’t accept that all we are is an organ in our skulls and that we are, in essence, just machines that happen to be self-aware. There is increasing evidence that death is not the end. Some call it a transition, some a rebirth into a real world.
Aurel, you know that little voice inside your head? That’s not Jiminy Cricket—that’s your connection to your spiritual conscience. Pay attention to it. It is saying that although you don’t believe Christianity is your path, neither do you feel that atheism is the right choice because you feel in your heart that there is something more. Instead of ignoring or pushing away that feeling, make yourself more open to it. Listen to it. It is, in my opinion, your connection to the Godself.
I believe that we are like eggs within the Womb of God. As we experience this life, we grow spiritually until we “die,” which is actually the release from the Womb when we are born into ourselves. Like eggs in a woman’s body, however, some of us do not become fertilized, so to speak, and are reabsorbed into the womb. Those eggs do not mature to the point where they are born. Those that do, become like baby gods, able to create their own reality that is based upon what they experienced in this life. Those that learned to be loving will create new, loving universes, and those that did not will create universes that are less than happy. I have a suspicion that we are in one of those less-than-perfect universes, but we have the power within us to overcome this rather ugly world and generate something much more beautiful.
Aurel, the key to finding happiness and hope again is to trust in your feelings that there is more to us than mere matter and energy. You are turned off by religions, I understand that completely; and I feel that you are also right not to trust the atheists, so certain in their denial of the spiritual.
We are each a piece of the Creator, gifted with the power to create new realities if we allow ourselves to awaken from the Womb and become born as our true selves.
And those are my conclusions … for now. Whether or not you believe them is certainly up to you, but what is more important is for you not to give up. Do not give into the hopelessness of the atheists, and do not be fooled by the dogma of the religious. In other words, while it is okay to listen to what others have to say, don’t let them dictate your beliefs but discover for yourself your own reality.
Hello, and thank you for reading my letter. I have a bit of a potential roommate problem that could either turn out to be nothing or get worse over time. It’s not so much the roommate behaving badly, but rather a confusing emotional situation that I just don’t know what to do or feel about. So, one of my roommates and cousin, Anna, and I have been living together for four years now, two of which were at my parents’ house after she needed a place to stay when she dropped out of college. We got along great and were pretty close, even though we came from two very different backgrounds. Two years ago, we decided to move out and live together in another state to go to college. It was challenging; Anna got very depressed during that time because she couldn’t get a job for about a year, and there were some tense times. But hey, that’s part of growing up and it would be dumb to expect that we would get along happy all the time, so it didn’t bother me. In the end we were still tight and grew as people.
Then, about two months ago, Anna got a message from one of her friends at her old college whose name is Ray. He got a job in the area and wanted to room with us. Another thing: Anna is seriously in love with this guy; Ray knows she had a crush on him, but I don’t think he knows she flat out loves him (being aromantic, I didn’t really get it). I didn’t mind him living with us; Anna’s feelings for Ray didn’t affect me at the time, and a third roommate would lessen the financial burden, so I agreed.
Ray and Anna come from similar backgrounds; they’re basically both wilderness people who grew up in small towns, while I’m a city person and a big city nerd. Even though there’s some overlap of interests between the three of us, it was clear Ray and Anna had more in common than either of them had with me. Again, I expected this and wasn’t really surprised when she started favoring his company over mine. She even said as much, but not in a hurtful “you’re not good enough” way. I like being by myself anyway, so it was okay. For a while.
Here’s the thing with Anna: she’s kind of a control freak and gets irritated easily. She insists on doing everything herself because she feels she has to take care of people (I had to argue with her just to get litterbox duty, something I never thought I’d be vying for). She’s a very kind and good person, but sometimes she expects me to “read her mind” and doesn’t always understand why I would do things differently from her, and it irritates her very quickly. I, on the other hand, am very laid back and can tolerate an unusually high amount of bullcrap, but I do have trouble remembering certain things and interpret instructions weirdly sometimes. So, misunderstandings sometimes occur. Before, the argument would happen but we would talk about it later and everything would be good. Then after Ray moved in, something changed.
As nice and chill as Ray is, I’ve found he can’t tolerate other people’s way of life very well. He frequently complains about how people move too slow and are too lazy, and he’s kind of a know-it-all. Anna has started to agree with him more and more. She’d be in worship mode, and even said that he is definitely smarter than both of us, which rubbed me the wrong way. He is very smart when it comes to wilderness stuff and utilities, but not so much at city culture or my field of study, which is art. So saying he’s smarter than both of us is pretty stupid, since me and him have completely different sets of knowledge. I’m pretty sure Anna’s doing this because she wants to impress Ray, but it’s having a bad effect on me since I am a slower paced person, so I can’t help but think some of these complaints are subconsciously directed at me.
On top of that, Anna has been snapping at me more and more. Her job has been frustrating her lately, but she never snaps at Ray, only me. I also get the feeling she thinks I’m stupid because I don’t get certain things right away, and I recently caught her complaining about me to Ray after I had a frustration attack, which really hurt me. I confronted her about this, but she assured me that she was just venting, everything was okay, and that she doesn’t think I’m stupid. I want to believe her, I really do, but there’s been this growing feeling that it isn’t true. It doesn’t help that I was a bit sheltered growing up, and many of my relatives also thought I wasn’t smart enough to make it on my own, so I’m particularly sensitive to this and Anna knows it. I doubt she’s being intentionally malicious, but her personality and Ray’s influence are clashing with mine. And while I have friends who are more like me, I don’t see them very often because of school, while Anna sees Ray every day, so I’m starting to feel isolated as well. I knew adding a third person would change the dynamic, but I didn’t think Anna would be more hostile toward me.
Anyway, I’m not sure I have a question but rather I just need general thoughts and I guess rant to someone. I don’t want to confront Anna because it has led to her either a) say everything’s okay and I’m right back to being paranoid, or b) she gets even more irritated with me. Or am I completely overreacting and should just wait to see how things turn out?
Thanks again for reading,
Thunderbird (age 24)
* * *
So, let me see if I understand this. The point of contention seems to be about chores and tasks around your home, who does them, and how? Is that a big part of it? Also, I am assuming that the three of you split rent and utilities equally, which means that the three of you should be treated equally. Another part of this seems to be that Ray and Anna are Type A personalities, while you're more of a Type B (more bear personality, as I like to think of it, while I would call them more squirrelly hehe). Am I correct those are the main points?
* * *
Thanks for replying back!
It's more about our split in personalities than chores, though how we do chores differently does ruffle some feathers on occasion, but that part isn't a huge deal. More of a side effect. And yes, we do split bills equally. The only difference between me and them is I don't have a job right now and family has been helping me out. I've been looking, but all the jobs I've gotten offers for are either full time (because of school I can only do part time) or across the state, which is a good six hours away. Usually it's both. Jobs I've submitted for weren't interested. My previous job was a very specific position (automotive assistant quality manager) which a lot of people around my area don't need. I do think I have a chance with art commissions in the near future, so that's something.
Tangent aside, our main issue is our personalities. We are very much like bears and squirrels, though in Ray's case, he seems like a bear on the outside but definitely a squirrel on the inside. Anyway, Anna kind of naturally molds her personality to whomever she's around at the time, but her default personality does lean towards Ray's. I have tried to mold my personality more towards Ray's to be more accommodating, but that just made me miserable and confused. The more I think about it, the more I think Anna is becoming exhausted from constantly having to switch between Ray’s and my personalities. I've been trying to tell her that she doesn't have to do that, but like I said, it does happen naturally with her and she doesn't realize it. I just wish she wouldn't snap at me all the time, or at least snap at Ray every once in a while to make it even.
* * *
I think I get it now, yes. It sounds almost as if Anna is suffering from what psychologists call “mirroring” or “the chameleon effect,” a type of borderline personality disorder in which the person’s demeanor and attitudes change according to the people they are around and trying to please. This is usually the result of low self-confidence, which, in Anna’s case, might be influenced by her earlier bout with depression. Her anal side (being overly controlling about chores) is also her attempt to find order in a world that she finds chaotic. People without confidence in themselves find comfort if they can at least create some kind of order in their world to cling to. This must all, indeed, be very exhausting for her, which causes her to lash out at you. Too, as you observed, she is gravitating toward Ray as someone who could be more of an anchor in her life because he has a similar background and a job.
This doesn’t excuse her behavior toward you, of course. She probably isn’t overly conscious of what’s going on inside her head and is not intentionally doing anything to hurt you with remarks such as saying you’re not as smart as Ray. Judging by the letter you wrote me, you are not a stupid person. Indeed, you are insightful and articulate (e.g., correctly observing that different people have different areas about which they are knowledgeable). Another part of the problem is that you are an artistic type, while Ray and Anna sound more as if they are pragmatic types. It can often be hard for the pragmatic to understand the artistic.
Papabear surmises that, although the three of you inhabit the same house, you are not actually living together, if you see what I mean. Living together in close quarters can build up a lot of tension and disagreements and bitterness if you just see one another as “that person I live with” rather than as friends and companions. You probably won’t all live together forever, but for now you are together, so to be happy you should act like a cooperative unit of three people rather than as three separate individuals who just happen to occupy the same residence.
Hope that helps,
Hello there, Pap!
I have a strong concern to share with you:
I have been part of the furry community for about 6 years now and so far I think I made the right decision (My coming-out has been well-received, even from my parents and friends).
However, since my arrival, I was preoccupied for what I've interpreted as a consumerist way of life from my furllows, as I did expect to find more people interested in activities like draw, paint, build, compose music, writing poetry, in one single word: CREATE. And many of them get to the point where their efforts are being rewarded and they became luminaries (or commonly say: popufurs)
Unfortunately, I see more and more of others furries that aren't interested at all at create anything to be famous or recognized for their contribution to this community but rather for what goodies they own, which important peoples they meet, etc.
It kinda depresses me to see that this Do-it-yourself feeling is no longer present in the modern day fandom, but maybe I'm wrong and it was the same back in the premises of it...
I've seen it with my own eyes with the French furries I've met, but from what I've heard there's also some cases of this phenomenon in the US community but I won't presume that's a real thing. I know that the French-fur community has a bad reputation in the fandom for being over-the-top materialistic and drama-trigger compared to its German neighbor but then again, prejudices can be really tough.
So, Pap, is that correct?
Hurlelune (age 20, France)
* * *
Since I have not done a study on this, nor have I seen one, it would be quite difficult to say with any kind of authority that furries are creating less and obsessing more about owning things and being seen with popufurs. The phenomenon might be localized to your personal experience. What I see online and among my furbuds is the same amount of creativity I’ve always seen. I constantly see people posting about their art or stories or whatever other artistic endeavors they are involved in.
That said, not everyone can be creative and talented. I suppose that it could be frustrating for many furries who can’t draw or sew or write to be in this fandom, and since they can’t do these things themselves they, instead, buy them and become fans of artists and such.
But there actually are ways to have fun in the furry world without being a talented artist. Papabear isn’t an artist, but, for example, I have fun fursuiting (in a fursuit I did not make myself). Another area where furries can have creative fun is gaming, which is extremely popular. Many games allow you to create your own character and have adventures in the virtual world. Still another way to be an active fur is to become involved with organizing, running, or volunteering for a furry convention. Furcons and furmeets run on the gasoline of valuable and generous volunteers without whom these functions would not exist. Giving of your time at a furcon will be very much appreciated, believe me.
Despite such opportunities, you’re probably correct that many furries find value only in crass materialism. I do not believe this to be a furry phenomenon or a French phenomenon, but, rather, it is a symptom of life in modern, developed countries. I’m not familiar with French culture, but I can say for a fact that many (I daresay the vast majority of) Americans have lost their souls. They believe that the only thing that matters is money, power, owning stuff, often to the exclusion of family and friends. Greed has destroyed my country. Greed is why our prisons are full; it is why we bomb other countries; it is why we have career politicians; it is why our environment has been destroyed; it is why we are sick and dying. I guess it would be incredibly naïve to believe that this metastasizing cancer in humanity would not touch upon the furry community, even though the furry community is, I thought, supposed to be an escape from humanity.
What can you do? Well, my thought would be to not worry so much about what others are doing. Instead, become a shining example of what a furry should be and don’t be shy about it. Perhaps if other furries see how happy you are being a furry of the soul rather than of the bank account they will want to be more like you.
My name is Rueben and I would like to ask you an important question. My boyfriend of two years, XXX, is worried about me. He introduced me to the furry lifestyle three years ago and has encouraged me into all sorts of furry stuff, being into a furry thing.
Another point is that I have recently signed up to 4chan.com and have seen many graphic images and videos online, most of which involving men in giraffe costumes. I don't even know how it happened, I was just searching up baddragon.com and then landing on really sexual images, my question is, is it weird if the manipulation of being a furry has an impact on my physicality and my thoughts towards more specifically my sexual fantasies and thoughts about it at night.
The real issue is that Liam is 16, then, and since there is a five year gap all my friends now call me Peter File but I don't care; the heart wants what the heart wants. ...
Ty for anything you can say should I move on or continue on this path as five years isn't really an issue once we're older. Thank You.
Rueben Pingle (Toronto, age 21)
* * *
This is a couple of questions, of course. Let’s tackle the age thing, first. Not that long ago, marrying a 16-year-old (and even younger) was commonplace. Today, we are more squeamish about such things. In America, most states have a legal age of consent set at 18, but I notice that in Canada the age of sexual consent is 16 (and before 2008 it was 14!), when it involves consensual sex and not pornography or sexual slavery. Anyway, when it comes to the legal side of it, you’re fine in Canada. Socially, as you note, you might set yourself up for a little mocking. Sounds like you are taking it in stride. My only advice for you there is to take it very slowly, especially with big decisions such as sex or possible engagement. That said, Papabear finds nothing wrong, morally, with what you are doing and I wish you well. Indeed, as the two of you age, this will become less and less of an issue.
As for furporn and the whole giraffe thing, I will have to shake a finger at you and say, “Do not blame furry art for what turns you on sexually” (c'mon, you don't just accidentally find giraffe porn; even in Furryland, you have to do a little searching on something that specific). Too many people (especially mundanes) raise the accusation that furporn perverts people. Actually, people’s sexuality is already set up inside them, so they are primed to like, or not like, what they find on the Internet. If you didn’t have something within you already that would find naked anthro giraffes sexy, then you wouldn’t be turned on upon seeing them on a website. So, don’t blame the porn.
Furthermore, don’t blame your boyfriend for influencing you here. You are 21 and perfectly capable of showing him the palm of your hand and saying, “Hey, I’m fine if you’re into that, but it’s not for me.” This does not mean that the two of you cannot have a healthy, loving relationship. I loved my mate to pieces, and he loved me, but he was not a furry. Be a furry or don’t be a furry; that is your decision, not anyone else’s. And, if you like anthro-giraffe porn and have fantasies about it, share them with your mate and have fun with it.
I hope that answers your question.
Wishing You Love and Happiness,
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.