Hey there,
I am a 14 year old member of the furry fandom, and would like to go to a furry convention. I've done some reading and found my situation is very unique from others. I live in a very right wing redneck Christian family, and adopted these traits for myself, as I am a religious christian, a conservative republican, and somewhat country. Luckily where I live, none of my friends know about the fandom, I'm one of the lucky kids that get a whopping 400 kb/s network connection. Anyway there's a possibility my father may know something about the fandom. My dad watches Tosh.0. Luckily one time I was up late watching Tosh.0, and found out about the "Furries Kid" episode while my parents were sleeping, it would be a disaster if they saw that episode. Anyway I try to keep that episode off the DVR because my dad records the series. So the issue is whether or not my dad saw this T.V episode. Anyway another issue that turned me off to telling my father about the fandom was I fell asleep on the couch one time, and slept in past everyone else. My dad came home from work at about 9 in the morning and told my family about this "really weird guy at work that liked to wear my little pony accessories, and attend Brony conventions" and told my sister to "Never be weird like that" So even though I'm not a Brony, I don't want my dad to look at furries the same way. Another experience I had that turned me off to telling people was when I was at diving practice,and I stayed after to visit a friend in a more advanced dive team who kind of like me. We started following eachother on Instagram, where I posted alot of my furry art. Well wouldn't you know it, she knows about furries. So I'm talking to her, and it turns out she's an artist as well, which I didn't know, and she was talking to me about drawing tablets. Then she says "What up with all the drawing of..." and a responded "Cats?" and she said "Furries... Are you a furry?" and I said "Yeah, sort of." And her response was "Oh my god raccoon! (She called me Raccoon which had nothing to do with the fandom, she started calling me that when I grew my hair out longer) Does that mean you're into beastiality?" and I of course am not so I said "Heavens, no!" and then she said "Good! Hey I have to go to practice, see you later!" So I texted her later that night asking her on a scale of 1-10 how weirded out she was, and she replied 2 and that it wasn't really that big of a deal and she said she was sorry for bringing up bestiality and that it was a weird thing to ask, but you're one of the last people I'd expect to be a furry. I had friends who've jokingly called me nerd jock because I'm very interested in computers, and cartooning, and because of my athletic ability. I earned that name right around when I got into the fandom as well as started benching 120 pounds at the age of 13 and then shortly later breaking our schools mile time record with 5:34. Anyway, I'm not really anti social, or an outcast. I've never wanted to risk this, so I've never really told anybody about the fandom, but then one day decided "I want to go to Anthrocon" So I started sharing my art on Instagram with my friends, and showed a little bit of my work to my parents as a first step, and am having difficulty climbing the next step to asking my parents to go to anthrocon. Really that's the best I can hope for, as much as I want to get a suit, there's no way I can justify spending $2,000 to dress up like a Wolf whether it's my own money, or a request for a gift, but any advice on any of this mess would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking your time to read my question. Anonymous * * * Dear Furiend, Been a while since you wrote me, so I am sorry for the long wait. Thanks for your patience. What you are dealing with is the Bane of the Stereotype. The stereotype about furries is that we are all jobless sex perverts who want to do it with animals. This, of course, is utter nonsense. You're a good example of someone who is into furry art, but, contrary to stereotypes, you are athletic, sociable, and not into porn. Because you are not a stereotype but an individual, the key here is to have parents and friends recognize you as yourself and not "a furry." Once they tag a label on you, you are doomed. So, you have to avoid the label. It is in human nature to label and categorize things. You are even doing it to yourself when you reply, "Yeah, sort of" to the query, "Are you a furry?" Let's begin by working on terminology. First of all, nobody who is a human being is "a furry." A furry is an anthropomorphic animal character such as Bugs Bunny. There is no such thing in real life as a Bugs Bunny, so the people who like these characters are actually "fans of furries" or "furry fans." To be even more long-winded, it would be more precise to say "I am a fan of anthropomorphized animal characters in the media" because not all animals have fur. But that is too much of a mouthful, which is why people shorten it to "I am a furry." There is a disconnect between the perception of what a furry is and the stuff that furries like. What are some of the things furries like? Well, they like Warner Bros cartoon characters, they like Kimba the White Lion, they like Po in Kung Fu Panda, they like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, they like Rocket Racoon in Guardians of the Galaxy, they like Judy and Nick in Zootopia, they like Simba in The Lion King. Know what all of these have in common? They are all HUGELY popular in "normal" human society. But say "furry" and "normal" people (at least those who have heard of the fandom at all) think sexual deviant. It is the difference between being a fan of something and participating in a fandom culture. And it's not just true of furry fans. Say that you like Tolkien books and the Lord of the Rings movies, and people are generally cool with that. But dress up as Gandalf and role play in an event at Griffith Park, where people sometimes go to reenact scenes from the books, and you become a geek. Being underage and living in a conservative home like you do can make things more difficult, to be sure. If you don't think your parents can handle the fandom aspect of this, you can still enjoy furry fiction and art by disassociating yourself from "the fandom" and just going ahead and drawing, watching movies, and so on. That way, just as you are a "jock who likes computers" you can also be a "jock who likes cartoons and animated movies." Now, if you really really really feel a need to become closer and more sociable with others in the fandom, including going to furcons and furmeets, that will make things more complicated for you. However, what you can do to reassure your family that you aren't, let's say, "going to the Dark Side," is reinforce the other aspects of yourself that they find more acceptable: your Christianity, your "country" side, your being a Republican when it comes to politics. As long as your parents see that this part of you is not changing, that might reassure them. You might also be interested to know that there are many Christian and conservative furries out there (e.g. http://christianfurs.net/). In many letters to Papabear from young 'uns who have Christian, conservative parents, the problem is that these parents fear "losing" their kids to some kind of perverted, animal-fetishist movement (ironically, it is usually the parents driving away their kids rather than the other way around). Assure your parents that you have not changed regarding religion, politics, etc. and you will hopefully be okay. I hope that helps, Papabear
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Hello!
I found out about furries a few months ago, and I've fallen in love with it. I now would really like a fursuit. The problem is I haven't told my parents about it and fursuits cost so much, so I cant afford one. I'm thinking about making my own as I'm relatively good at DIY but first I need to tell them about it and get permission to make (and have help) one. Also materials cost a lot, so I'd need to borrow/earn some cash. I was wondering if you could give me an idea on how to tell them and if DIYing is the best approach for a beginner? I'm thinking of just making a partial suit to start. Many many thanks. Zagu (age 13) * * * Hi, Zagu, A partial is a good idea, especially since you are 13 and still growing. One way to go with partials is to browse FurBuy (https://www.furbuy.com/listings/cat98.html) and look for stuff that could be fairly cheap. You can also buy fur and other sewing supplies on FurBuy. Other useful sights you might check out: https://www.fursuitsupplies.com/ https://www.thedealersden.com/ In the meantime, sure, start learning to sew! A valuable skill. Can your parents help you learn to sew? I would advise that, instead of coming out right up front that you want to do furry stuff, just tell them you want to sew and learn how to make costumes (Halloween, mascots, etc.) It's also useful to learn how to sew clothing and accessories (both for daily use and for furry stuff). You can have a lot of fun with it! (I wish I could sew!). Good Luck! Papabear Hello,
First, I'm sorry if I make some grammatical mistakes here and there. English isn't my first language, but I try my best. I've been wanting to ask something for a long time, but I always thought at the last moment that I'll just ask some other time and I can handle the problem myself. But now I'm starting to lose hope, so I finally decided to write to you. I'd also like to say, before I start, that I had never met the person that I'm going to talk about, in real life. It's about a friend of mine. Or, at least, he's a friend FOR ME. He doesn't call himself a friend of mine anymore. He's ignoring me. I met him in an online game in the second half of 2014. We had been talking for a few months, Then FNAF [Five Nights at Freddy's] came out. Long story short, he managed to get me in the furry fandom thru FNAF. (Quite cringy, I know.) I created a furry Steam account, that I started using as my main account for that app. He helped me find my first furry friends online, got me in some furry groups, etc. It all was perfect, we talked a lot, we were great friends overall. But then he started to get busier and busier.. or at least he said that to me. We started talking less and less because he wouldn't respond. End of 2014 comes. I was at a party with some IRL friends. They ask why my steam acc is so cringy, if I'm really a furry, if I'm bisexual, etc., etc. I decide to take ALL furry stuff down from my account because I don't want to lose the only people I talk to, in real life. Even though they weren't great friends, I still cared about their opinion. In the year 2015, nothing much happens. Me and him barely talk. He seems to forget about me, and removes me from Steam at the end of the year. (I didn't notice it, hadn't checked.) 2016 is here. I was wondering why hadn't talked to me for a long time. I checked and realized that he had removed me. I try to regain contact with him thru the online game which I met him in. He still has me in his friend list (never removes me there in the future, too), but he clearly ignores me. Second try. I try to regain contact thru his friends, befriending them, asking if they could help me and such. He had told his friends that I was some random stalker. I'm almost done at this point, I try one final time - I try to get my friends to talk to him. They all end up blocked by him. I still to this very moment try to talk to him on a messaging app called Telegram from time to time. The funny thing is that he hasn't blocked me. He READS my messages. Never replies, though. Sometimes I just start thinking about him, thinking how much of a great friend he was. Then I feel like shit. I feel like it's all my fault. I may even cry. This happens about 1-2 times a month. I just want to know what should I do. I can't simply forget him and move on. Everyone has already told me to do it, but I can't. I want to talk to him at least once more, ask him why he's being like that, why he's ignoring me. But it all seems impossible. Zen (age 15, Estonia) * * * Dear Zen, (BTW, your English is quite good.) Papabear gets many, many, many letters like yours. I hear this story all the time about some online furry friend who seems great at first and then, suddenly, ignores and drops out of the life of the furry friend. Repeated efforts are made by the letter writer to reestablish the friendship--all to no avail. The person writing to me is left wondering what went wrong, with no sense of closure, and yet still wanting to be the friend of the person who snubbed them. So, here is my advice.
Is this all disappointing? Of course. Life is full of disappointments. If you can, learn from them, and then move on. Good Luck, Papabear |
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