Hello Papabear,
I'm usually terrible at writing long explanations, but, oh well, here goes nothing, heh. I’ve kinda ... hit a stump in my life where I constantly feel like I’m lost and just cant figure out a direction to go in. Iv always wanted to be a game designer or you know work with anything having to deal with video games since I was little, but I was never really good at academic stuff. It got even worse when I went to high school. There was a lot of stressful things going on for me at home at the time so I just shut down, constantly trying to escape how miserable I was with daydreaming and video games instead of school and homework so I eventually dropped out. Fast forwarding to now, I now live with my grandmother sitting on a "diploma" I got from the Lincoln academy online high school. Which saddens me to say I only got because the answers to all the tests for it was posted online so since I couldn't answer them and pass on my own I pretty much cheated to get it. So now with that I've been trying to get a job for months but, I have no references, no "special skills," or anything that would impress someone on an application so nowhere I apply to seems to even want to give me the time of day. This wouldn't stress me out as much ... if I didn’t have a car to pay for. I was pressure into buying it from my grandma because the one I was in was very old and close to giving out. I told her since I was only in a temporary position at Wal-Mart and didn’t know for sure if I should used my saved up car money just yet. Well after a few months of giving Wal-Mart the best work I could I thought there was a chance that I would get hired on as permanent part time since I was doing so well and gave in to my grandmother's pressure and went ahead and got the car. Lo and behold Wal-Mart hires more temps and tosses me aside like used garbage and I haven’t been able to find anything since. So now I just feel ... lost. Everywhere I look my friends are going for or living out the career of their choice while I’m sitting here with absolutely no path in site. I want to better myself and even though my boyfriend says its fine and I will find something for me eventually I’m scared to try new things and I’m terrified of college considering I couldn't even make it through regular high school or even an online one. I want to better myself and be a man my boyfriend can be proud of you know? Though every time I try something new to see if I could be good at it my mind and body just freeze up and thoughts of failure just constantly run through my mind until I give up. I guess it stems from people always either putting me down or treating me as if I cant do anything all my life ... I dunno. So I guess what I want to know is, how do I get over this fear that prevents me from trying new things so I can get a hold on my life, push myself in the right direction, and maybe find decent employment. Sorry if this letter is all over the place and filled with bad grammar this is my first time writing a long letter like this. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this. A lost sun bear (age 20) * * * Dear Sun Bear, I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time, but there are some things you can do to try to get you over the hump. There are a lot of furries out there like you who love computer games and think that, therefore, being a game designer would be a super job, not realizing that to be in this field you need to excel at such things as mathematics, computer programming, and graphic design, not to mention being very creative. So game designing wasn’t for you—as it is not for many people—and you defaulted to a Wal-Mart job and soon learned a big reason why Papabear despises Wal-Mart: the way they treat their employees. Even so, did you really see yourself working at MegaChineseCheapCrapStore for the rest of your life? I’m sure you did not. But now you have to get back on track. The thing is, you don’t know where to start. One thing you can do is take a career aptitude test. There are a number of them online, some are free, some are pay tests. If you are able to, you can also seek out a career counselor at a local high school or community college and see if they can give you an aptitude test at the school. What you really need to do is find out not just what you are interested in, but what you are good at. Everyone has things that they are more inclined to excel in than others. I know you don’t want to go back to school. You know you will earn more, usually, with a college degree than without one. But there are careers you can go into without an advanced degree. Some of these include: police officer, dental assistant, secretary, architectural draftsman, electrical technician, plumber, HVAC repairman, construction machine operator, sales representative, hair stylist, cosmetologist, industrial machine repairman, insurance agent, airline attendant, surveyor, stenographer, online SEO specialist, social media specialist, and even paralegal (although that last one is usually better with an associate’s degree). Several of these careers have people who make $40K to $60K a year, after some experience. What you need is to get your foot in the door. One good way to do this is an apprenticeship program. For your state, Virginia, you can visit this page http://www.doli.virginia.gov/apprenticeship/registered_apprenticeship.html to learn more (around the country, the U.S. Department of Labor sponsors these programs-- http://www.doleta.gov/OA/sainformation.cfm). These programs offer on-the-job training, after which you can obtain a license to practice in your field. Companies across the country need people who are skilled in the trades much more than they need someone who worked at Wal-Mart. Obtain a skill (with minimal book learning) by practicing it in the real world, which, I have a feeling, may be more up your alley. Last, but not least, there is always the military. You are still very young, so as long as you are in good health, you would probably be welcomed by one of the branches of our military. Service could do you some good by giving you a structured environment and also an education. You can learn more at http://www.military.com/. I hope these tips can help you, Sun Bear. Good Luck! Papabear
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Hi Papabear!
This is Dawnstar for another letter. For this one, I don't have any problems/concerns to report. This is more of a curiosity than anything really huge or important. I've been in the furry fandom for a good 4, going on 5 years now. I decided to join when I was 12 because I enjoyed drawing furries and I saw how much fun people who were in it were having. I'm really glad I joined because I love being a furry and all the stuff that comes with it. Through the fandom, I've met lots of awesome and interesting people and I've been taught to accept people no matter what or who they are. Being a furry is something that's joyfully permanent in my life. With that in mind, I've always wanted to go to a furcon. But I've been too young to go on my own, unable to afford a fursuit or build one, and none of them have been close to enough to my state. (Then I learned that there was a con only a few hours from my city. Knowing I couldn't get to it was a bit frustrating.) Eventually I'll be able to get to a con by myself because I can drive and I'm getting closer and closer to where I'm going to be moving out of my parents' house. Eventually when I get a job I'll be able to afford a fursuit or I will try to learn how to construct one myself. But when this happens, how am I supposed to act when I'm wearing it? I've always wondered this and I haven't been able to figure out an answer on my own. I've seen people wearing fursuits, but it gives me little insight. -Dawnstar * * * Welcome Back, Dawnstar, It’s important to note from the get go that owning a fursuit, even a partial fursuit, is not a requirement to attend a furcon by any means. I’m not sure that’s what you were saying, but it sounds as if you believe everyone at furry conventions wears a fursuit. That’s not any more true than it is in the general fandom. (And, while I’m on the topic, you don’t need a fursona to be a furry, either). Okay, so now that that’s straightened out, let’s get into our time machine and move the dial forward a year or two.... You are now old enough to live on your own, you have a job, and you have a set of wheels. Not only that, but you have managed to build and/or buy your own fursuit and save money to attend the convention that is a few hours from your home. So, you get to the convention, check into your hotel room, and the first thing you want to do is climb into your fursuit and head out into the hotel lobby and interact with people. Well, let’s put on the brakes a bit and back up for a second. First of all, you might want to check the program schedule at the con you’re attending. Many times you will see forums presented by experienced fursuiters on everything from fursuit making to general fursuiting behavior to performing on stage. I would recommend you attend one or two of these, especially as it’s your first time, before suiting up. In the meantime, I can give you some tips, certainly. First.... Safety Tips
General Maintenance
Fursuiting Behavior
Performance
Well, this has gotten a little lengthy, but I hope it has helped. I have probably missed something, so will ask my readers who are fursuiters to feel free to add further tips. Bear Hugs! Papabear Hello Pappa Bear,
My name is Werehog and I’m a black fur werewolf. I guess I should get to the point, I'm in to vore and lately I been vore rping with other furries. Sometimes I might come across a male, gay, or bi furry and norma vore them. I was talking to my friend one day and I told him that I vore rp with a male. My friend said that was kinda gay. Now I’m not gay or bi or anything but is that gay for me to vore rp with other male furries? Werehog the Werewolf (age 17) * * * Dear Werehog, What an interesting question, hmmm. If you’ll bear with me, for the sake of my readers who might not know what vore is, it is the (usually) sexual fantasy of consuming or being consumed by one’s lover. There are two kinds of vore (short for vorarephilia—sometimes mistakenly spelled voraphelia): soft and hard. In soft vore, the fantasy is of eating the other person, but no real harm is done to him or her; in hard vore, there is blood fantasy or even thoughts about the person who is eaten being dissolved in stomach acids and so on. The vore can occur through the mouth (typically), but there are also sexual fantasies of penis, vagina, and anal vore. I’ve even heard of breast vore in which the victim is consumed through the nipples. (I must admit being unfamiliar with the term “norma vore,” however; maybe you meant “normal vore” as in oral?). People into the vore fantasy can either be sexually excited by the idea of eating their lovers or else they might actually prefer to be the one who is eaten. The fantasy here has nothing to do with homo- or heterosexual desire; rather, this particular fetish has to do with desires for being dominant or submissive; it is also often tied in with macrophilia, as the person being consumed might be imagined to be small enough to be consumed by the—in comparison—giant or macro eater. A vorarephilia fetishist can be straight, bi, or gay. So, in and of itself, it is not an indicator of sexual preference. But, if you are a male and your fantasy about vore usually is about eating another male, that could be an indication of your sexual desires; similarly, if you fantasized about eating a female and you were male, you would more likely be straight. It sounds to Papabear that you usually “consume” females, but sometimes you run across males and fantasize about them. This could be because you are in sexual need and, if there are no females available, any port in a storm will do; it could mean that you are straight with a bit of an urge to experiment; or it could mean you’re bi or have deeper homosexual tendencies that are still largely subconscious. This is something that you should explore further to decide how you really feel and what is right for you. Again, vore in and of itself doesn’t indicate you are gay, but your preferences for a submissive lover in this fantasy just might. Hope that helps, Papabear Dear Papabear,
I am facing the hardest thing ever in my life. Well...two things. Both my aunt and my Nana are in a very serious medical state and the worst thing I could have ever heard that could be related to these people is what scares me....death. I have had a serious death with a close family member so it never really shocked me; all I could ever do was sympathize. My aunt has issues with her brain and my nana (despite quitting smoking MANY years ago) has 4th stage lung cancer. I know they try so hard to fight but I get very hopeless and think of too many negative thoughts. I can't bear to see them leave me....I love them too much and I don't want to let go of them. What should I do? Decoy (age 18) * * * Dear Decoy, I’m sorry to hear about your nana and aunt. It’s tough, especially at a younger age, to face the hardest reality of life: people you care about and love will die. You’ve had a death in the family before, so you’re not unfamiliar with grief, but I surmise your nana and aunt are very close to you. When we are faced with the death of a loved one, two things tend to disturb us: 1) the mere fact of mortality, and 2) the upset we feel because our lives will be forever changed by the loss. You can’t stop someone from dying, but you can improve your attitude about death and what it means. Intellectually, I’m sure you’ll understand that if no one died, we would soon be drowning in people, and we would then all die anyway because we would consume all of the planet’s resources. Therefore, death is not some cruel game that God or the Universe plays on us; it is a necessity. Our finite world would, ironically, be a horrifying place if there were no death. Emotionally, this does not help you, of course. You will be sad, even grief-stricken, after the inevitable happens. This leads us to the question: why do people get sad? What is the purpose of sadness? Interestingly, scientific research has provided us with an answer to this troublesome question. A molecule in the brain called the 5HT1A receptor serves as an On/Off switch to depression by binding to the chemical serotonin. The result is a change in mood that also changes our behavior: we become more solitary, more pensive. The evolutionary purpose of this is that we become depressed when we are faced with a complex social problem that we need to work out. Depression, by making us more solitary and thoughtful, removes us from distractions such as interacting with people at parties, having sex, and otherwise being engaged with our world. This allows us time and space to try and figure out a resolution to the problem. In your case, as an example, you might ponder the question, “Why did my nana contract lung cancer when she quit smoking long ago?” Which could lead you to the conclusion, after much study, that tobacco can have long-term effects and you should never take up this harmful habit. This, as you can see, is a good evolutionary strategy for survival. A result of this psychological research that may be more helpful to you, Decoy, is that scientists have also found a way to shorten the grieving/depression problem: write. Studies have shown that people who kept a journal or otherwise wrote down their thoughts about what they were going through were depressed for a shorter period of time. Why? Well, it’s related to the above: they were able to work out their thoughts about what they were feeling more quickly by writing them down and, once they did that, their depression was alleviated because there was no reason to ponder longer on their problem. The third aspect is the spiritual one. Now, if you have no spiritual side (e.g., i.e., you are an atheist) coping with death can be much harder because of the fear of nothingness, of true death, of nonexistence. The majority of people, however, have some sort of spiritual/religious belief about death and the afterlife: whether that is a concept of Heaven, or of Nirvana, or of reincarnation, or simply a moving on to another phase of reality, there is a consensus that we are more than just flesh and blood. If you believe in this in some way, as I do, then you know that when your aunt and nana (and even you) eventually pass out of this world, there will be something waiting for you in the beyond and you may, indeed, reunite with your aunt and nana and others you have lost or will lose. In the meantime, while you are physically separated, you can keep those you have lost dear to your heart by remembering them fondly in your day-to-day life. Photos, videos, keepsakes can all give us comfort. One thing you might do before they are gone is take a digital audio or video recorder and make a record of them now. You could record, for instance, a conversation between you and them in which you talk about their lives. Save their memories as much as possible. The wonderful thing about living in our time is that, in a sense, we can be made immortal through the art of videography. Make a film of them and, when you miss them, sit down and replay it. Celebrate their lives and the joy you experienced with them, and remember how lucky you have been to share part of your life with them. I hope this helps. Hugs, Papabear |
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