Young Transsexual Should Seek Some Assistance before Coming Out to Parents

Papabear,

I'm not really asking a question about the fandom, but for about two years now I have identified that I am both bi and mtf transsexual. I live in a relatively conservative area in Colorado and I'm nervous about the position I'm in. I'd have a hard time with both because every time I tell my parents something they say it's just a phase and all that. Every damn time, they say that. They also raised me to believe that you shouldn't change yourself. My parents are also Christian, not devout, though. I'm really in a pinch here because I know that I am bi and trans, but no one, save for a few friends I met online, knows about it. I really wonder what I should do and when (and where) I should tell my parents and friends.

Krystaline (age 15)

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Dear Krystaline,

Thank you for your letter; you do not have to write about a furry issue for Papabear to respond, so no worries there. 

It’s rough being your age in this world, and even tougher when you realize you are a transsexual person and live with a conservative family. You have my sympathy.

Your parents are wrong on at least two counts: that this is just a phase and that you shouldn’t change as you grow. Conservatives, by definition, are afraid of change; they want everything to stay in a nice little world they can easily categorize and understand. But life isn’t that simple, and human beings are definitely not that simple!

At 15, it would be very difficult for you to stand up in front of your parents and explain just who you are and have them accept it; you’re likely still having difficulty fathoming it all yourself! That’s why it would be very helpful for you to find someone who can help.

I see you are in Colorado. There are LGBT community centers in Denver, Boulder, and Colorado Springs. Visit http://www.lgbtcenters.org/ to find out more about the resources available to you online and in brick-and-mortar centers in your area. If you go to the Contacts page at http://www.lgbtcenters.org/contact.aspx you will see some free counseling hotlines and an online form, as well. There is also the GLBT National Help Center http://www.glbtnationalhelpcenter.org/ and some great information at the IMPACT site at http://www.impactprogram.org/lgbtq-youth/coming-out/. You would do well by starting there.

Your best weapon in the upcoming debate with your parents about your being trans is arming yourself with the facts. Read up on the literature. But, again, the problem with your just trying to convince them you are transsexual and that they should let you be you is that you are 15 and they still feel very much like they need to protect and control you. Therefore, it is vital that you back yourself up with some professional assistance.

Call one of the hotlines and ask them what your next steps should be. They will be the most helpful.

Take Care,

Papabear