Dear Papabear,
I'm in a relationship that I would describe as stable and really makes the both of us happy, but recently we've had a bit of a falling out. It started with my first impressions of one of his friends, basically overseeing his rant concerning transgenders, for the sake of accuracy he referenced them as 'dumbasses who get upset easily and deserve to die.' I was annoyed by the whole thing but chose to not say anything as I didn't see the conflict being worth it.
Hours later my mate was depressed and was trying to vent and I advised him to be cautious where he stayed and who he was with, as he's trying to find a temporary place to stay and his previous company had abused him. The friend in question had offered to let my mate stay with him a while back and made a passive aggressive response to that advice I had given, seeing it as an attack against him and I had responded in a very dismissive manner as I wasn't in the mood for arguments.
Days after all of this, both my mate and his friend are upset with me because I had an issue with how the guy was acting and the violent words he would easily pass around. Both of them are trying to state that my impressions of him are wrong and that him being dyslexic is a reason to excuse everything negative that he says, I disagree with this as well. To others I'd imagine that this seems like a small issue, but I feel like it's really crippled our relationship, with my mate ignoring me a bit and indirectly stating that he trusts his friends over me now. I was wondering, how I would go about trying to repair our relationship and get past this?
Asthenia
* * *
Dear Asthenia,
Well, first of all, being dyslexic does not cause people to say nasty things such as hoping transgender people die. Dyslexia is simply a condition that makes it difficult to read and interpret other symbols such as numbers. Therefore *annoying buzzer sound*--ech! Wrong!
What is even more concerning is that your mate trusts his friends over you. If you are his mate, you should be the one he trusts and cherishes the most. You take precedence over other friends. If that is no longer true, then, by default, you are no longer his mate but are actually lower in priority than his other friends. This is made even more apparent by his ignoring you on occasion.
If I were you, I would have a sit-down with him and tell him that if you are no longer a priority and if he likes his friends more than you, then it's over.
Sorry,
Papabear
I'm in a relationship that I would describe as stable and really makes the both of us happy, but recently we've had a bit of a falling out. It started with my first impressions of one of his friends, basically overseeing his rant concerning transgenders, for the sake of accuracy he referenced them as 'dumbasses who get upset easily and deserve to die.' I was annoyed by the whole thing but chose to not say anything as I didn't see the conflict being worth it.
Hours later my mate was depressed and was trying to vent and I advised him to be cautious where he stayed and who he was with, as he's trying to find a temporary place to stay and his previous company had abused him. The friend in question had offered to let my mate stay with him a while back and made a passive aggressive response to that advice I had given, seeing it as an attack against him and I had responded in a very dismissive manner as I wasn't in the mood for arguments.
Days after all of this, both my mate and his friend are upset with me because I had an issue with how the guy was acting and the violent words he would easily pass around. Both of them are trying to state that my impressions of him are wrong and that him being dyslexic is a reason to excuse everything negative that he says, I disagree with this as well. To others I'd imagine that this seems like a small issue, but I feel like it's really crippled our relationship, with my mate ignoring me a bit and indirectly stating that he trusts his friends over me now. I was wondering, how I would go about trying to repair our relationship and get past this?
Asthenia
* * *
Dear Asthenia,
Well, first of all, being dyslexic does not cause people to say nasty things such as hoping transgender people die. Dyslexia is simply a condition that makes it difficult to read and interpret other symbols such as numbers. Therefore *annoying buzzer sound*--ech! Wrong!
What is even more concerning is that your mate trusts his friends over you. If you are his mate, you should be the one he trusts and cherishes the most. You take precedence over other friends. If that is no longer true, then, by default, you are no longer his mate but are actually lower in priority than his other friends. This is made even more apparent by his ignoring you on occasion.
If I were you, I would have a sit-down with him and tell him that if you are no longer a priority and if he likes his friends more than you, then it's over.
Sorry,
Papabear
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