Hello from England!
I'm having that stereotypical teenager sexuality mess-up thing and it seems that, for whatever reason, my cock and my brain have different sexualities. Let me explain from the beginning.
During my teenage years [he is 15 now], I've experimented (as far as what turns me on) with pretty much everything. I've tried cross-dressing, playing around with a dildo, both orally and anally, and I've had, to an extent, a jolly good time.
However, it seems there has been a bit of a biological misunderstanding as far as what my brain wants and what my cock wants. Here is a breakdown.
If I look at heterosexual pornography, I don't take that much of a mental interest; however, I do end up getting rather aroused, without logically thinking, "Wow, she's fit!" or whatever generic thing somebody might think.
If I look at gay pornography or just guy's in general, I wind up thinking "Mmm...that’s hot" (yet another generic thing. These aren't literally what goes through my head, there just examples) and I do get aroused; however, normally it’s not as fast as with girls but it certainly does occur and I do notice it a good deal more. Although I do know a few exceptions when I've gotten aroused before the thought had a chance to get through. It’s not like I force my cock to like gay porn or anything, it seems pretty keen, but not as keen as for girls.
Another example is if I was in a "gentleman’s entertainment outlet"....or a strip club, to you and I, and there was the sexiest man in the world and sexiest girl in the world, I'd pick the man.
I have had clues outside pornography that lead me to believe I may be gay, some are more credible than others. I'll start with the weirdest first.
When I was younger, about 12-ish I was became very much interested by tribes from other parts of the world, although I kept this secret from my parents or some reason. I really quite liked how they made clothes from very basic things and that, now I look back on it, those outfits were rather revealing. Although, I also fond there culture interesting so that may not be the whole story.
Very recently I found myself getting into the whole 80's metal thing, particularly the band Judas Priest (you may have heard of them). Their lead singer, Rob Halford was rather flamboyantly gay around the mid 80's, with these rather sexy BDSM outfits he wore on stage. I also respected him a lot for his ability to be himself in the very macho world of heavy metal at the time, which I find myself unable to be, even in a simpler situation.
And finally there was one time at sports day, when I couldn't stop staring at my best friend's thighs for the whole time. Which my other friend somehow didn't notice. (My circle of friends is a big issue for another day, methinks.)
Anyway, back on topic.
Do you think I somehow have different sexual preferences for different parts of my person or is it that I haven’t matured in that sense yet?
If you need more information, do let me know, I tried to keep it as much to the point as I could but my sexuality is in such a jumble its difficult.
Thanks for the help, good sir!
Fred E Coyote
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To summarize, your mental interest for women is lower than that for men, but the arousal for women is higher than that for men, although you do have an interest and arousal for both of various degrees, if I understand you. Let’s examine the possibilities.
First of all, if you are pondering whether or not you are gay, stop pondering: you’re likely bisexual, leaning toward men, but if you keep reading there is another possibility. As for sexual maturity, at 15 you’re at an age where your body pretty much knows what it wants, so no need to wait and gestate any more. Physiologically speaking, you’re sexually mature; your brain just needs to catch up.
The difficulty with your letter is you speak too generically about what turns you on or not: men vs. women. There is a lot more to visual stimulation than mere gender. There are probably certain physical traits that are particularly arousing to you. For instance, you might like nice round buttocks, which are more common in women than in men, or shapely thighs (as you noted your attraction to that one guy’s thighs), also something women usually excel at. You might like full lips but not be particularly interested in breasts, and so on....
One thing you could try, then, is creating in your mind (or drawing it, if you are capable) your ideal physically attractive person. Mix and match what are seen as either feminine or masculine qualities and see what you come up with. This will help you figure out what physical “signals” stimulate you the most.
Another thing to consider is your preferred role as a sexual partner. Do you prefer to be on the “receiving end,” shall we say? Or do you like to be on top? Or both? Judging by your letter, one interpretation might be that you would like to be a bottom for a dominant male. I say this because when one watches porn, one often transfers his or (rarely) her emotions/identity into the scene. That is to say, you see yourself in the scene, as in, “Damn, I wish I was THAT guy making out with that hunk of a man!” So, the reason you get interested in straight porn might be that you are transferring yourself into the woman’s position, thinking of yourself as a woman on the receiving end of a heterosexual man. If you strongly identify with your feminine side, you might find it easier, then, to transfer yourself into the role of the woman in front of the camera than into that of a man. This is why you are more quickly aroused by the woman, because you see yourself in the woman's position, making the fantasy of what you're seeing real inside your head--and sex is 90% in your head. Just a theory, of course.
As for primitive tribal groups and their simple clothes, that fascination dates back to kids in the early half of the 20th century looking at National Geographic magazines to see the people with bared breasts and buttocks. Nothing strange about that, gay or straight. And as for liking Rob Halford (yes, Papabear is familiar with Judas Priest :-P ), that seems a pretty clear indication of your attraction for gay men, and your admiration for his being the first openly gay heavy metal rocker bespeaks of your own likely longing to be open about being gay, too.
You’re young, Fred, and you have plenty of time to figure this all out. Don’t push yourself. Continue to explore and experiment (safely, please) and you will eventually sort it all out. Papabear believes that will happen when you first fall in love. Boy or girl? Who cares? It’s the love that matters.
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