It's been several months since we last associated with each other from here. The question here is about how hopeless I've felt about the fandom, most of my family, and my social life altogether since birth. Unfortunately, this is partly in innate due to a certain condition that I'm incredibly ashamed to reveal here on the net, so I'm not going to say anything of it at all.
Lately, it hasn't been very happy for me among people. It's an endless loop that things make me happy, not people. I can never really get along with anyone even to my siblings and mother like nearly absolutely everyone does in the general public & fandom.
As much as I am said to be a good artist, I'm not social at all after much "Post Traumatic Social Disorder," sheer bitterness, and unfair experiences I've had with people. This is not only in the general public, but EVEN in the fandom, and in the end, I've decided to depart from FA too.
Even to those I met locally, I don't consider them a friend at all anymore despite them possibly seeing otherwise. The reason? Their friends are jerks, and they associate with those jerks, so I've been fed up and flew away from them. (metaphorically speaking)
After a lifelong "warfare" of fights, undue solutions, burned bridges, broken hearts, and so forth, this is what turned me into a perfectly unforgiving and "spiky" person. Frankly, I wholeheartedly with I wasn't this way, but from how I've molded, I have to live with it, like a stuck mask. In fact I plan to add a bonehead mask to my persona anyway.
This has caused me mental issues & I hate everyone for it. I can only say that I trust father and my best furiend, who is a blue ice dragon that's also local. I'd be thrilled to live with him as a roommate this summer 2015 or it's all bust.
Nonetheless, I'm exceptionally unhappy and infinitely angry against the world, the furry fandom as a whole, and every single life form since birth who wronged me. I can't help it though; I wish I could be let nicer if they gave a chance. But the damages are done; I wish I was never born. u.=.u
If there was any side of social/sentimental hope, I will say that I do have a crush on a particular scalie that we probably all know and love. I'll leave you on guessing who. Reason I mention this is because I really would like to give it one last go & give myself the final chance to show my friendship, generosity (even as gift artworks), & care. I would really hope he'll be okay...maybe meet in May 2015? ;)
Anyway, going back on track here, I've had inevitably difficult social issues to the point where I've become incredibly hostile, overly defensive, and ultra-unforgiving. It's sad, and there's literally very few people I trust.
Goes to show that I don't take the word "friendship" lightly
Regardless, please suggest me anything healthy, reasonable, and practical. I've also been envious of others even to whom I knew well, and I just remain distant and isolated to avoid conflict forever, even among other circumstances in general.
Your wisdom to others and even to me are much appreciated.
~Sad, unhappy Western Electro-Lunar Skydragon, Azure (age 21)
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It would help me a lot to know what this "certain condition" is, which I'm guessing is actually a big big part of why you are having these troubles. If you wish, I will keep the letter off the website.
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It's called "Asperger's Syndrome," a variant of Autism, and I have a high-functioning kind of it too.
And you don't have to keep the letter off the website, probably shouldn't this time anyway. I just don't want the data to be lost like I thought it was, is all. Do what you must like you normally do. I like hearing about it. :)
I think I was merely in irrational fear of having revealed exclusively the condition right away on the site, but I'm okay with it in any way now. It was a false alarm. I apologize for the inconvenience. Carry on. :)
(that and I was really tired last night writing it before bed time, so I was prone to crankiness & paranoia!)
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Asperger’s is nothing to be ashamed of. Many furries who have it have written to me suffer from this condition. Some of the symptoms of Asperger’s include social anxiety disorder and depression. People with your condition may also be hypersensitive and have a heightened sense of the importance of adhering to rules and codes of conduct.
This would explain why you have had such a tough time dealing with other people. Not accepting that people are not perfect, you are easily offended by any perceived wrong that they might do—either to you or anyone else. For example, even though some of your friends have not directly wronged you, you associate them with bad behavior because they have other friends you have deemed to be “jerks.” When you create such a high standard that it becomes impossible for anyone to earn your approval, the result is what has happened to you: no friends and complete isolation.
My prediction, therefore, is that this dragon you like will eventually let you down, too, and you will reject his friendship.
Having no friends and isolating oneself will also exacerbate your feelings of depression and hopelessness.
The solution to your problem, then, is treatment for your Asperger’s. The good news, too, is that many people who have your condition get better and better at managing it as they get older. Again, don’t be ashamed—instead, get help. You can learn more here: http://www.autism-society.org/living-with-autism/
Wishing You Luck and Health,
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