So … I’ve been a typical Red Fox within the fandom for a few years now. Since I began, it has done wonders for me, introducing me to friends when I had very few, helping me get in touch with people that in turn helped me improve my writing, and making me miles more comfortable with my own sexuality (I’m bisexual, to avoid confusion). However, for the first time, it’s created a bit of a problem … well … not necessarily a problem, but … I guess I’ll just explain.
A couple of months ago, I met a fellow fur on a role-playing forum. Nothing dirty, mind you, just a regular action/adventure type deal. We liked each other’s characters a lot and got to talking to one another; one thing led to another, and soon we exchanged Skype accounts and began chatting for hours at a time just about every day, sometimes extending long into the night.
I became quickly aware of two things: one, he’s openly gay, and two, enjoys talking about explicit topics, and while we do talk about a number of things that are clean as well, we always tend to drift back to the other stuff. Some of it is straightforward as if we were sharing any other interests with each other, and other is playful teasing, but yeah, the topic comes up a lot in conversation.
He’s not being a perv about it or anything. I mean, there’s a bit of an age gap between us (although nothing really all that major) and for the next few months or so, I’ll still be seventeen, so without proper perspective, this would probably seem a tad creepy, but again, it isn’t like that (at least, I don’t think it is). The very first thing he did before he brought up this topic for the first time was ask how old I was, and when I replied saying I was seventeen, he knew where he should draw the line and proceeded with caution. He even checks constantly if I’m okay with the conversation we’re in and has beat himself up over conversing this way with someone who is underage, calling himself a creeper on one of his lower days. And again, the majority of what we talk about is nothing more than an exchange of information … what we’re into, what we’ve done, that kind of thing. The playful teasing … well … I don’t think he’s hitting on me … most of the time, when he does it, it comes up when we’re talking about stuff we would be willing to do, certain fantasies or kinks or something like that and then he just slips in a “Wait a few months ;)”. And really it’s never anything more than that.
Although I’m not used to any of this … I don’t know if you want to call it flirting, but it seems accurate enough … I’m not uncomfortable with it in any way, shape, or form. It’s actually nice that I get to talk about this kind of thing with somebody else. I mean, I have guy friends in real life, but none of them are gay, none of them are furs, and a good chunk of them attend the same, private, catholic school that I’ve been forced to attend for high school, so I always tread lightly whenever the subject of sex and girls comes up. With my furry friends online, we have a lot more serious conversations whether it be venting or trading story ideas … this is my first friend where I can just be completely open about the topic without worrying about being judged or the other party not being interested in hearing it.
So … your probably wondering what the problem is … well … again, it’s not really a problem, but it’s something I feel I need to talk to someone about and I’m not sure who to ask, so … I guess that’s why these sites exist, right? :)
So, a while ago, in one of our conversations, we brought up the topic of a furry convention that is close to both of us (apparently, we only live a state apart from each other) and he asked me if I was going. Unfortunately, the possibility for me to go is quite impossible … at least, it was, anyway. You see, while I would be in college by that time, out of my parents’ house, and still well within reach of this convention, the only way to reserve a room at the hotel I would need to stay at is through a credit card, which is something I would have by then, but my parents would also be keeping an eye on it and they would be looking out for any huge spending, which four nights at a hotel would be definite huge spending, as well as raise some questions, so, I opted not to take that risk.
However, he then made the proposition that I could stay with him and his two friends who have already rented the room, and then I could just pay him in cash for my share of the room when I get there. Of course, I was ecstatic, immediately said yes without a second thought and was all excited for getting to attend my first furry convention.
However, the more I think about it, the more I get…nervous…not really uncomfortable, just nervous ... while he doesn’t seem to be actively hitting on me, he has made no indication that he’s actually opposed to the idea of us getting together and has made it clear that he is ok with casual interactions with others, as he has stated before that he is in a non-exclusive, highly sexual relationship with one of his friends. So…I’m not quite sure what to think about what’s going to happen when we get there. Is it completely insane for me to be questioning this? After all, we just spent the last few months learning about each other’s likes and dislikes regarding these kinds of activities and he knows that I’ll be eighteen by the time it happens, so I don’t think it’s completely crazy to think that something might happen.
I’m not uncomfortable with the idea of a hook-up so long as it’s with someone I know and trust, and he fits the bill, as I’m more comfortable in my own skin talking to him than I have been in a long while…the more I think about it, the more I think something might happen. And again, I’m not uncomfortable about the idea … just … nervous. I’m not sure if it’s good nervous or bad nervous, but I’ve got butterflies in my stomach for the first time in a LONG while and I have no clue what to expect.
I’m not even sure that I have a specific question in mind, but … I do want somebody else’s opinion on this and I’m not quite sure who to talk to so … thoughts? Am I reading too much into this? And if I’m not, is it necessarily a bad idea if I go through with it … I’m really not sure what to think.
Thanks ahead of time and sorry if this letter ended up being pretty long.
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In your letter you don’t say whether or not you’re a virgin, but it sounds as if you might be. Even if you are not, I’m guessing you are rather inexperienced. That’s as it should be for a 17 year old. Now, based on what you have said, this older fur sounds like he’s pretty cool and has a healthy sex drive. It appears he wants to be friends, and is into you not for sex, but, sure, it has likely crossed his mind though he is being careful because of your age. That’s a good thing.
You say you are nervous because you don’t know what will happen if you room with him. The implication there is that if this guy makes a move on you, you won’t be able to resist his advances and will go to bed with him. If that’s the case, then you should not go to the con. However, if you feel you can accept his offer of being a roommate without risk of, as Sheldon Cooper would say, coitus, then remember this: YOU are in control of your body and whether or not you want to sleep with someone. If he forces himself on you, that’s what’s known as rape—and if you feel that is a possibility, again, don’t go, but it doesn’t sound like that is a danger.
I would highly recommend, though, that if you room with him you don’t do foolish things such as drink alcohol or do drugs of any kind that might impair your judgment and cause you to do something you’ll regret. Also, if the other guy wants to have some yiff time with someone else in the room, come to an agreement beforehand, such as agreeing that there can be no sex in the middle of the night when you want to get some sleep, and your agreeing to not be in the room when your roommate does want a little private time there. Such things are the reason God invented texting, don’t ya know ;-)
Keep it clean and sober and you should be fine; there is no need to be nervous (my goodness, you use a lot of ellipses!) You can have a great time at the furcon and, I certainly hope, develop a stronger, happy friendship with this online friend of yours.
Hope it works out for you,
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