I've kind of been down in the dumps lately for multiple reasons. The first is caused by my parents, they treat me like shit for lack of a better term. The second being that I have had 5 failed relationships over the past year and a half.
My last relationship I had a real predicament in. My mate offended one of my brothers (furry brothers, only got sisters in RL) to the point where he threatened suicide. He wasn't joking, he even showed me video of himself with a knife to his throat. I was told that either I had to leave my mate or he would kill himself. After about an hour of hard and sad thinking (I didn't want to lose either of them) I decided to leave my mate because I did not want to be responsible for one, maybe even two (My bro's mate's) deaths. And I probably also saved my only chance of getting out my parent's house too.
Since that day, I've been having things along the line of mood swings. I haven't gotten mad at all, but I've kind of been sliding between calm (If I can really call it that) and depressed.
I want to know your opinion on 2 things, 1: Do you think I made the right decision?; and 2: What do you think I can do to help cope with this random depression I am getting?
Thanks in advance
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This is the second time you’ve written to Papabear about mate/living space troubles. In your first letter back in May, you were getting ready to break a promise to a mate because you promised another guy you were going to room with him. Papabear responded that your mate takes precedence over a previous agreement to room with someone who is not your mate.
Guessing that the mate in your current letter is the one who offended your brother, let us proceed. You say your brother threatened to kill himself over the offense. Papabear is not sure what kind of offense could lead someone to want to take their own life, but the next thing you say about your brother showing you a video with a knife to his throat tells me this is bullcrap. Papabear has personal experience with suicide and he can tell you you were manipulated by your non-biological "brother" to drop your mate. First of all, did your brother previously show signs he might be suicidal? Papabear bets not. Secondly, again, someone who videotapes himself with a knife to his throat then takes the time to show it to you is not truly suicidal. Someone intent on killing him/herself will do so in private, perhaps at most leave a note. (Try this: talk to your brother and say you think he needs to go to a psychiatrist for counseling and see what he says. Bet he refuses energetically because he really never needed counseling—except on maybe how to be a decent brother).
You have let yourself be used, Kumori. Your depression is probably the result that, inside, you know you have let yourself be a tool, and the fact that you have so many failed relationships (and judging from your previous letter) tells Papabear that letting yourself be manipulated is an ongoing problem.
To answer your questions directly: 1) No, you did not make the right decision to drop your mate because of your brother’s pathetic manipulation; and 2) You will only get over your depression when you learn to take control of your own life and not allow other people to make decisions for you.
And, as for your parents, Papabear finds it rare for a young person to actually think their parents are cool. This is because the parents impose rules, which the child does not like and so she or he gets angry and thinks the parents are jerks. Papabear is willing to bet your parents only have your best interests in mind. Chill.
As for the rest of it, don’t be a tool, Kumori. Your life is yours to lead as you wish, and you are allowing your wishes and goals to be waylaid by other people—yet again! Stop it. You are old enough to take charge of your life.
A little tough love from....
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