There's a Reason He Found another Guy, He Just Won't Admit It

Well Hey Mr. Papa Bear.

Sorry I've never done this before, haha! well!

Hm so I was with this guy; let’s name him Sam. I was with him for almost a year! and so I .. fell for another guy. Just because we shared so many interests and, well, connected so well. I decided to give him a try and, well, I’m now tangled in two relationships. I don’t know what to do. I love Sam, but I can’t leave him for the other guy, and, well, the other guy ... I don’t know what to tell him. I don’t know why I did this. 

-Confused Soda (age 18)

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Hi, Confused Soda,

Cute name ;-)  Seems to me you fell for the other guy because, as you said, you “connected so well.” You say you love “Sam,” yet at the beginning of your letter you refer to him in the past tense (I was with this guy), which is rather interesting. And why would you give this other guy “a try” if you were happy with Sam?

You may not be willing to admit it to yourself, but it’s pretty clear to this bear you are not entirely happy with Sam, no matter what you might say. That is why you took up a relationship with the other guy.

Look, Soda, you’re only 18 years old and shouldn’t pressure yourself to commit to anyone if you don’t wish to. This is an age where you are still figuring out what you want in a mate and what you believe love to be, not to mention still figuring out who you are. Unless there is something you’re not telling me about Sam, the statement that you “can’t leave him for the other guy” is really not set in stone. Of course you can leave Sam if you don’t really love him. If you meant to say “I won’t leave him for the other guy” that is a different scenario altogether.

We all live within the walls we build ourselves. Some people build walls of stone with no exits—prisons. Other people build walls filled with windows and doors that they can walk out of at any time. 

Which type of walls have you built, Soda?

Papabear