I ran away from home today. Had a large argument with my parents over finishing these stupid forms. The argument was really just about everything they expect of me and what they won't let me do. I was basically told I am too young and not mature enough to be out doing things on my own, especially late at night, but I'm going to college in August. The forms were just an excuse to start an argument, I guess. It was so much work and they expected it done that night and absolutely perfect... It would just follow the same pattern as always. I would do it in a very stressed and quick manner, skipping several things only ot be chewed out by my parents later for doing a poor job, then forced to redo it in an even more stressed manner resulting in heightened anger and tension and resulting in a shouting match. I ran away because I needed time away from both of them after my father began to insult me and my friends and various "furry stuff". I couldn't take it. Probably not the best decision, but what's done is done.
I really just want to know what I can do. I hate being trapped here, but I have little choice in the matter. I never expected things would turn this drastic over such a...seemingly little thing. I'm mostly to blame for that, but my parents share the blame when it comes to actions they took. Now I have blisters on my feet and I'm very sore from walking for 4 miles on broken asphalt with no shoes or socks. It's just so hard to stay here now, but I have to.
It turned into a shouting match between me and my mother until she tried to do her little stupid guilt trips. Then my father began insulting me and my friends and I just couldn't take it anymore. So I ran. They were chasing me so I didn't have time to get my shoes or get in my car and instead got about a mile down the road barefoot before my father caught up to me in his golf cart. For the next mile, I walked and he tried talking to me from the golf cart all the while trying to get me to come home, but I refused. Eventually he left telling me to call when I needed to be picked up, but after mentioning that if anyone tried to pick me up, they would get in trouble with the law.
So I kept walking until I got to a friend's house who lived nearby. But they weren't home. I sat on their porch for a while and waited, then tried calling a friend only to find out that my father, who had just said to call him when I needed to, had just shut off my phone, so I couldn't call anyone except for emergency services. So I walked back, in the dark, about 2 miles as it started to rain while lightning and thunder was also occurring to my semi-friend's house and she drove me home.
So now I'm home, pissed off, phone still shut off (another lie from my father who said he would turn it on "in a minute" after I got home), and trapped. They hid the keys to my car. Unfortunately, I can't call the cops because they own the car. So now I'm trapped in this hellhole. I'm being held against my will with just an iPad for use.
What can I do to protect myself and get out of this place? They've already used the "our house, our rules. You should get your own place" schtik. I'm going crazy and I can't even call anyone or they'll listen in on the landline. What can I do?
A very distressed and POed DT
* * *
When people come to be your age parent-child conflicts are typical. This is a phenomenon based upon Nature. Nature wants children to leave the nest and go on their way to form families on their own. But if the children have no reason to leave because they adore their parents, are provided for, and are completely content to stay at home, they would never leave and Nature would face a quandary indeed. So, instead, Nature implants a kind of itching powder underneath our skins that makes us want to leave in our teen years. Usually, this itching powder just makes us antsy, restless and wanting to get out of the house to explore the world on our own. Good parents recognize this need to leave the nest and allow their little birds to fly; other parents cling to “their baby” and smother them, which has a bad side effect in that the itching powder now makes the child angry and resentful. This is what is happening to you.
Papabear does not doubt that your parents love you. If they didn’t, your father would not have bothered to pursue you in the golf cart. Similarly, they insult your friends and such because they worry you might be “hanging out with the wrong crowd.” Misguided? Probably. Mean-spirited? No, not at all.
Both sides of this argument are suffering from the fact that a major change in all your lives is about to occur: you’re going off to college. There is going to be a rough period of adjustment when emotions for all parties will be frayed. Things will be said in the heat of it all that are not truly meant.
What you need to do, DT, is look for the love underneath. You’re in for a bumpy ride, but you are actually a lucky person because your parents care about you, hard as that is now for you to see through the red haze of resentment. When your parents regurgitate tired platitudes like “Our house, our rules,” it will take a supreme effort on your part not to roll your eyes. Restrain yourself anyway.
It might not seem like it, but soon you will be out in the world and, looking back, you might even long for the days when your parents took care of your needs and you didn’t have to be responsible for bills and taxes and fixing your broken-down car. You will be an adult. Someday, God willing, you will have kids of your own and then you can wreak your revenge by telling them, “My house, my rules.”
Calm down, hon. Everything will be all right in the end.
Well this is one time I have to disagree a bit with Papabear. While the advice to stay calm is sound, as a parent of now adult children who are a couple of my best friends I don't think the parents in this case are following a good path. Too often parents think micromanaging and in this case outright bullying is the right way to parent. I disagree with this. I believe as a parent my job is to let my children make as many choices as is reasonable and save any lecturing for the really important stuff (like being safe in sex).
6/4/2013 01:35:52 pm
Hi, Critter. Thanks for your comments. I think you misunderstood me a bit. I am not saying the parents are right to treat the writer like this. I'm saying both sides are freaking out a bit too much and need to settle down. There is not much DT can do to make his parents stop being derps, but soon he will be at college and won't have to deal with them as much. He needs to understand that his parents aren't acting this way because they are mean, controlling monsters. They just are not the most skilled of parents. Not many people are really good at it, but at least they love their son, which counts for a lot.
6/5/2013 03:22:01 pm
I hear you, Grubbs. I just feel it's sad when the children have to be the adults.I had this in my family of origin. While it can be a character building situation it leaves a certain void.
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