Write to Papabear

Taking Your Parents to a Furcon Is the Best Way to Convert Them :-)

2/21/2016

Dear Papabear,

I've just stumbled upon your website, and boy am I happy to find some advice about being a furry! So thank you for all this.

I'm 16, and would love to go to a Furcon. It would be most reasonable to wait until I'm 18, but I've been waiting for so long as it is, and I'm super eager to see some real life fursuits and talk to real life furries! I don't know any other furries, and I guess you have to have a guardian if you are a minor to attend a con.

My parents know that I'm a furry, but are not entirely supportive. They don't hate it, but they sure don't like it. As much as I attempt to educate them, they still think its weird, and my mom keeps trying to talk me out of it.
It might be putting my parents in a really weird position to be with me at a furcon. I'd hate to make other furries uncomfortable by the looks they'd get from my parents.

What do you think Papa Bear? Any possible solutions to this problem, or wait till 18?

Thanks a ton!

Ampersand

* * *

Hi, Ampersand,

Now, how cute is that name you picked? :) I think the solution to your problem IS to take your parents to a furcon. The reason many adults fear or dislike furries is because they are ignorant of who we really are or get misinformation. Many parents who actually get to know us change their minds and really think it is a fun thing to do.

Ninety-nine percent of a con is G-rated. In case you don't know, at the Dealers' Den and at the art show there IS some adult stuff, but the art shows always keep the adult stuff in a restricted area. Art books at the Dealers' Den are clearly marked and are kept in binders that are closed. Avoid them. Sometimes at some cons there is a booth for Bad Dragon. That is the one thing to keep well away from. That is a company that deals with sexual devices. That said, they are actually a very responsible company that always goes out of its way to talk about the importance of safe sex; however, you're too young for that. If you want to be extra cautious, just don't go into the Dealer's Den at all, but it would be a shame because there's a lot of neat stuff there.

Anyway, there are many MANY things to do at a furcon, including forums, activities, the fursuit parade, and so on. All of these are great fun and family friendly. Before going to a con, you can usually check out the website and see what activities and forums are available. Sit together with your parents and talk about the things you would like to do.

That's the best way to get over this hurdle with your parents: actually Experience a furcon!

Hope you do!

Hugs,
Papabear

4 Comments

Troj

2/22/2016 05:37:49 am

Papabear and Ampersand,

I wonder if Ampersand might have furmeets in their area?

Furmeets run the gamut in quality and youth-appropriateness, but if the parents are leery about Ampersand attending a con, perhaps they might feel differently (hopefully in a positive way!) after attending, say, a furbowl (bowling meet) or furry dinner meet with Ampersand.

If Ampersand knows any furries from their area online, maybe a local furry they like and trust can advise them on which meets or gatherings would meet their needs here.

Because their parents are leery of the furry fandom, I suggest that Ampersand try to find some other parents of furries that their parents can talk to. Getting to talk to other like-minded parents may help to assuage their concerns and put their minds at ease.

Offhand, I can think of a blog run by a woman who is the mother of a furry, called Lucky Otter's Haven. FurMedia also did a brief interview with Poonya's mum, which is on Youtube.

My sense is that Ampersand's parents may not be so worried about the adult or inappropriate content in this case as they are about just the fandom being "weird."

I've spoken to parents of furries in the past whose primary worry starting out was that their children were going to be ostracized or bullied by their peers for their "weird" interest, or were going to grow up unhappy or unsuccessful because of it.

Many of these parents have told me that they came around when they saw how happy the fandom made their kid, how many wonderful and loyal friendships they'd made in the fandom, and how their child had grown in their creativity and artistic ability. Parents have also told me that seeing people (including their kid) make a respectable living off of commissions also changed how they saw the fandom.

In the end, my attitude tends to be that your kid is who they are, and it takes all kinds of people to make the world turn. You can either validate and stand by your child, then, or you can silence them, and potentially lose them (literally, or figuratively). If your kid is eccentric, iconoclastic, different, or creative, they won't become less so if you force them into football or cheerleading, or force them out of their odd hobbies or interests--more often, they'll just learn to conceal their thoughts, activities, and feelings from you, or they'll try to become someone and something they aren't, and become angry and depressed, or both.

The serious risks and dangers associated with your child feeling like they can't trust you or confide in you, and/or feeling like they are inherently "defective" or unlovable outweigh and outnumber the problems associated with your child growing up to be a healthy, productive nonconformist, in my estimation.

Papabear

2/29/2016 06:55:51 am

Very well said, Troj! Thank you

Kiana

2/22/2016 03:56:03 pm

My dad was the same, but I took him to Megaplex with me last year, and he actually is part of the fandom now!

3/13/2016 05:17:28 pm

YAY!

Taking Your Parents to a Furcon Is the Best Way to Convert Them :-)

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