Struggling with the Desire to Have a Boyfriend AND a Girlfriend

My first time in an advice column ... I’m usually the one giving advice haha... Anyway, I have a boyfriend, we've been together for more than a year, and we haven’t had a single argument, but I feel like we're drifting, and I kinda like someone else... Thing is, the last thing I want to do is break up with my boyfriend, but the other person is a girl.. so am I, and she insists she's straight. She said she'd be interested in me if I was a guy, and we've had sleepovers, and she seems very comfortable with me cuddling and touching her. I don't know what’s up really, I'm just so confused as what to do... 

As well as that whenever I compliment her she seems to really like it, and I know my boyfriend wouldn’t mind if she was to share me with him (weird, I know) but I don’t think she likes me in that way and it's left that horrible "what if" question floating around in my mind.

So here's my question: what do I do? :/

Cassie

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Dear Cassie,

I hope I’m not misinterpreting you, but it sounds like you are bisexual and want both a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Reading between the lines, too, it sounds like the girl you are interested in likes you a lot more than just as a friend, but I suspect she is not ready to admit to herself that she might be bi or gay.

The only way to answer the “what if” question is to ask her how she feels about you. Does she just want to be friends, or something more? I would NOT introduce her to your boyfriend as a potential for a threesome, as you intimated, because even if she does admit she has strong feelings for you jumping into something like that would likely be way out of her comfort zone.

Meanwhile, you need to work on what you want. You say you are drifting apart from your boyfriend, but you don’t want to break up with him—because you are afraid of hurting him? or because you are in a comfortable relationship? or are you afraid of coming out? Lots of things you don’t really explain here that could be possibilities.

Papabear suspects that what you really want is a relationship with this girl, but you are afraid to pursue it because she might reject you, and you are equally afraid to break up with your boyfriend because he is your backup in case the other relationship doesn’t work out.

You won’t be able to move ahead until you work it out with your girlfriend. Once you discover what she wants and what you really want, then you will know how to proceed. 

Good luck, hon.

Papabear