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  • Ask Papabear

Straight Male Furry Wants to Commission a Female Fursuit

7/23/2013

17 Comments

 
Dear Papabear,

Thank you for reading this letter. I am a male furry. I discovered the furry fandom a few years ago, and I dream of having a fursuit. I currently have two fursonas, and that is precisely where my problem resides.

My main fursona is a male, but my secondary fursona is a female. I know that this is something that most furries dislike, some even going to the point of calling people who dress in a fursuit of the opposite gender "trolls." I also live with a family with a very conservative lifestyle, which is completely against gay, bisexual and transgender people. 

However, I am not transgender, nor gay, nor bisexual. I am happy with my male body, and I am more than certainly attracted to members of the opposite sex. But sometimes I feel like there are certain things I can't express as a male. That is one of the reasons why I created a female character. But I am afraid of the impression that others furries might get. I am also afraid of going to a convention and being mocked because of my fursuit. Due to my family, the simple act of being here, considering the mere idea of using a female fursuit makes me feel like a criminal.

So, my question is the following: Should I commission the creation of my female fursuit despite what other furries might think?

Best wishes,

C-Ratchet

* * *

Hi, C-Ratchet,

Thanks so much for your letter, and what a great question! To start, let me state that anyone calling you a “troll” for dressing as a female furry doesn’t understand what a troll is, and, in fact, THEY are the ones acting like trolls! A “troll” is someone who deliberately attacks, flames, causes arguments, and otherwise upsets people for no good reason (some nasty people get their rocks off by hurting others; it helps them forget what miserable people they themselves are). This is usually applied to Internet behavior, but I think it could apply anywhere. You, my furiend, are not being a troll.

The reason why your letter is so great is it allows me to clear the air on the social standard inanities of American society. The more cobwebs and dust gather in my fur, the more I shake my shaggy ursine head at a society that insists on imposing standards of appearance and sexual behavior on its members to the detriment of their pursuit of happiness. I begin with an exasperated “Puh-HUH!” at people who criticize what you wear in a fandom known for dressing up as animals in public. I believe that’s called “irony.” But, you see, what happens is that every clique within society sets up its own standards that, while unacceptable to those outside the clique, must be adhered to by those within (at least, it does for those with limited mental capacities). So, you find yourself in a furry fandom clique that says it’s okay to dress up as, say, a male husky, as long as you are male, but it is not okay to dress as a female with long eyelashes and perhaps some lipstick if you are male underneath the fursuit.

The hypocrisy of this attitude is epic. 

Such judgmental people should be made to understand that they are treating you the same way that “mundanes” treat them, and that their criticism of you is just as heinous and mean-spirited as when a non-furry calls a furry a “freak” or “furvert” (and I’ve heard that many times). That makes these judgmental furs just as bad as the people they themselves criticize for not accepting them. 

For Papabear, one of the central points of enjoyment of being a furry is being allowed to explore other aspects of yourself. In our case, that is primarily our animal and animal-spirit side, but it also allows us to explore our sexual side, including gender roles, in fun and creative ways. Perhaps that is a reason so many LGBT people are drawn to the fandom. The standards we hold in society for how men should dress and how women should dress are artificial, made to reinforce society’s expectations of us. Like donning a military uniform as a way to psychologically condition us into conformity, men dress in masculine attire because society says that should be our role, and women the opposite. When someone breaks out of that standard, such as an effeminate gay man or a cross dresser, he is criticized and rejected because he is challenging society and must be beaten down into submission. As with the cross dresser, however, an outfit does not a gay man make.

In fact, your letter reminds me of one I responded to back in March: http://www.askpapabear.com/1/post/2013/03/how-to-explain-youre-a-woman-with-a-male-fursona.html. In that case, it was a woman who, although she was happy being a woman, her fursona was male. She was exploring that side of her personality. If we were to be honest with ourselves and could block out all the voices in our heads that come from parents, other elders, church leaders, etc., and allowed ourselves to be who we really are, we would see that we all have things we enjoy, preferences in life, that can be considered both “masculine” and “feminine.” For instance, just because you are a man who likes watching football, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a fragrant bubble bath by candlelight. Or, on the other paw, you might be a woman who loves pretty pink dresses and floral bed sheets, but you also like to go mountain biking and are a helicopter mechanic in the National Guard.

People need to get over stereotypes. And that includes furries.

I love how you said, “I feel like there are certain things I can't express as a male.” That is so spot on, and I’m glad you realize it. It means that you have wisely recognized that society is trying to define and limit who you are, but you have discovered that exploring things considered “feminine” is a way to more fully express yourself. Bravo!

Now, as for this fear of what others will say. Two words: screw them. Ninety percent of the misery in our lives is born by the fear of what others will say about us. That is because we are social animals and crave the approval of others, a phenomenon that begins in infancy when we want our parents’ approval and continues on throughout our lives. That is what you are clearly feeling with your family, but ideally it should not be a factor within the fandom, an “outsider” society that should be inclusionary and not exclusionary. It disappoints Papabear that you have come across this attitude among furries and makes my bruin side want to kick some furry butt.

Please pardon Papabear for the long-winded answer. In short, to respond to your question, please DO commission a female fursuit. Why? Because that is what you want and it will make you happy. You are not hurting anyone by doing it, and you should not respect the opinions of people who reject you because they are sheep who only understand what is dictated to them when it comes to how people dress and behave.

There are two types of people in the world, C-Ratchet: those who are asleep and those who are awake. Those who are asleep go about their lives, doing what is expected of them, doing what their peers say they should do, being part of the crowd. I am beginning to wonder, in fact, if the furry fandom has become too successful, too large, and is becoming the very thing it rejected about society at large.

Be one of the people who is awake. Be self-aware. Recognize that most of what society tells you is right and wrong is utter bullshit. Reconstruct your worldview. There are only three things you need to remember to be happy in life:

  1. Do no harm to others, including people, animals, and Mother Earth.
  2. Be deliberately kind to others.
  3. Be kind to yourself.

You only have one life. It’s very short. Live it as you see fit.

Hugs,

Papabear
17 Comments
Robert King link
7/23/2013 04:10:32 am

Hi Papabear and C-Ratchet,
I'm a male who has had a female fursuit for over 16 years. It's been great fun and quite educational. Let me share some tips as well:
C-Ratchet, you seem quite concerned with how others will see your character. First ask yourself what you want your female fursuit to look like - Innocent and cute? A sexy bombshell? Modest and mature? You will be judged by the design you choose.

Innocent and cute (usually girlish and relatively non-sexual) is the safest path. Not every character can hit this mark, but if your character has a cute enough face, you will melt hearts.

If you want your female fursuit to be a sexy bombshell, you run the greatest risk of negative response. Do not make your gal's breasts any larger than needed to balance her figure or you will get a lot of disrespect. Be sure her hips are designed correctly. But if you do it right, it is fun to be a sexy head-turner.

If your character is not girlishly cute and not a sexy bombshell, then you might go for a more serious woman character. This can be hard to pull off because it requires more subtlety, but if done well she will earn respect for her presence and style.

There are also many other character paths you can take, and it all depends on exactly what you want to express. Most well executed suits are accepted and welcomed.

I know dozens of males who perform female fursuits and if you are concerned, contact me and I'll try to connect you with someone in our little community who can help you present your new character without fear. (we frequently go out in groups - safety in numbers! )

You can read more about how I created my fursuit here:
http://www.speakeasy.org/~rcking/samantha/index.html

Reply
Papabear
7/23/2013 07:13:36 am

Wow! Great and helpful reply! Thanks so much for your comments!!!

Reply
Robert King link
7/24/2013 01:34:40 am

Thanks Papabear! I was just saddened to see that C-Ratchet thought that most furries disliked males wearing female suits. There may be some small pockets of such sour thinking, but most furries really don't care if the person inside is male or female as long as the suit isn't horribly tacky and doesn't behave obscenely.

C-Ratchet, If you are afraid your friends will disown you, you can start by keeping your fursuit identity a secret. I bet that after a time you'll find the secrecy isn't really needed. Friends who talk smack usually fold when challenged. Also, many of us are straight and I have a wife and two kids, so anyone who tries to draw conclusions about your sexual orientation or gender status is just revealing their own prejudices.

C-Ratchet
7/25/2013 07:19:23 am

Thank you so much for the helpful advise Mr.King! I will be sure to take a look at the website...and hopefully find a fursuit maker who works with breast, hip and butt padding.

Reply
C-Ratchet
7/25/2013 07:27:54 am

I forgot to say: I wish to have a realistic female fursuit, something along the lines of what Winfox wears.

Reply
C-Ratchet
7/25/2013 07:31:33 am

I just checked out the website link. Your fursuit is amazing! Great work!

Reply
Robert King
7/27/2013 11:52:07 am

*blush* Thanks C-Ratchet! I'm not as prolific as Winfoxi, but I do what I can and I'm always willing to share knowledge and resources.
Visit my FA at http://www.furaffinity.net/user/rcking/ for more information!

James
9/6/2021 07:37:44 am

This is just my point of view on this post.
---
You not displaying yourself as trans or gay etc. , your just role playing as a character that is female is all.

Reply
Diamond Man
7/25/2013 12:07:50 am

Wow, this might be one of "Best of Papabear". :)

You Papabear, have describe the thing that I mostly disliked in this world.. From reading this and looking down from the mountain, all I see is dictate, corruption and a fallen society.. That is no real society.
A real society would accept anyone, as long if no one is forcing pain on others.. Accepting everyone for who they are, of any kind. INCLUDING sexuality like what's even considered "fetish" or whatever.
If we lived in this reality, I would maybe once and for all no longer be a fan of End of The World times I think. Since I'm that pissed off or something.

I also believe it's possible if we stand up and change the most corrupted to a non-corruption world. Hell even, to a point where shame just didn't exist.
Also, I think People and Animals are the same thing honestly. Since we are also Animals and such.



Anyway, C-Rachet, ignore what others say.. (Even if a Furry blames you for social control, since the Furry who would tell you would be blaming the wrong target and is asleep.) And stay awake. :)

Also Robert, yeah that might be a good suggestion, but if we lived in a non-corrupt world where there is no judgement, we wouldn't have to worry of any kind of design, even if the design had huge round circles, haha. xD

Anyway Papabear again, nice reply again. xD Kind of looks like you are a fan of some channelings too, kind of cool. :)

Reply
C-Ratchet
7/25/2013 07:25:07 am

Thank you for caring about my problem, Diamond Man. You're absolutely right, the world should change.

However, being a pessimistic person, I think things will only get worse. But that's me. I hope I'm wrong though.

Reply
Diamond Man
7/25/2013 06:07:55 pm

Your welcome. Yeah, we all probably hope you would be wrong on that thought including you. :)

There might be luck if more people stand up, and stuff. It did work with some things so there should be hope.. I hope. xD But clearly it should be very possible.

C-Ratchet
7/25/2013 07:46:43 am

Thank you for warning me about all the useful comments posted here, Papabear. I apologize for not having answered earlier.

Reply
Eyon link
8/1/2013 10:24:32 am

Forget them dude, You do what you want to do. If people can't be accepting of you for what you want to do than they can go away and let you be. Because all that matters is that you are you.

Reply
C-Ratchet
9/4/2013 02:34:20 am

Thank for your kind message, Eyon. I will do as you say and follow my heart.

Reply
Eyon link
9/23/2013 01:10:06 am

Good. In the end the only thing that matters if you are happy or not.

Shinopa
8/13/2014 03:06:33 pm

I feel you, C-Ratchet! I'm female and plan on making a male fursuit. From a female's point of view, creating one is no big deal. Though I do recommend that there be light hints of boobs. lol I'm VERY busty myself so when my fursuit has finished making, I won't be adding any padding there. I don't see many fursuits with large breasts, as it kind of draws attention away from the character itself. Well placed lumps, a nice figure and feminine colors should certainly come off not only attractive, but well accepted.

Reply
C-Ratchet
9/14/2018 06:44:27 am

Thank you Shinopa. I'm sorry for terribly late reply.

I'd love my Fursuit to be feminine, but I wouldn't want anything that might draw negative attention. So you are right, my choice would definately go towards modest padding.

Thank you!

Reply



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