Straight, Female Fur Feels Snubbed

Dear Papabear,

I have been dealing with a lot of furs that I just don’t understand. Mostly of that from the Bi or gay side of the fandom (note, I have no problems with gays, it seems its the other way around).

I’m straight and I feel from other furs that aren’t, I’m looked down upon a lot at cons. No fur talks to me, they rather talk to my mate that is male, first. Even when I get a chance to talk to them it’s always short.

At cons I think I got a friend and I go to give them a hug and they go "eewwww bewbs!" Not joking, full on serious EWWWW. I’ve even done favors for these people thinking maybe it was me being rude or something maybe this will help prove that wrong ... nope they take my favor and then run off.

I cant take it anymore! I don’t get it, if gays wanted to be treated equal then why am I the one feeling put down? This bullying went so far as to ruin my AC convention making me never to return again. I did not like that con. A lot of furs did/said a lot of rude comments and gestures just and the last day at the con made me cry I just didn’t understand.

Gays personally don’t bother me, hell all of my friends are gay =/ and I’m just fine with them and they are with me. Most of my friend that I have now I’ve only known for a month or so (new furs in the area) so it can’t be cause I don’t know them.

Why is it stranger/furs at cons that are just so mean or come off short to me? Not like I’m going "HEY I’m a furry listen to me!" I’m normally saying hello and they go talk to my mate who didn’t really say anything A LOT of the time.

I’m not a popufur. I don’t have the best made suit, so I guess in a lot of these furs fuzzy eyes I’m not worth their time. That’s how I feel.

I cant tell is it me, is it them? Maybe both sides!? Maybe it’s just a new gen thing and people are just becoming more distant cause of various reasons from technology?

I’m not saying they should be FORCED to say hello to me or even notice I’m there (though when someone says hi and you notice its kinda rude to ignore it >.>)

I’m not saying they should be nicer to me BECAUSE I’m a chick. Just saying that if people want to be equal then, why are they so one-sided and mean to others?

It confuses me cause I just can’t be mean to someone I don’t know. 

Hope it wasn’t confusing to read just a bunch of thoughts in my head about this and trying to pick one and focus on it is kinda hard for me. But this one bugs me the most cause I just don’t understand. And I have tried to see there side and STILL don’t understand.

PS: This is not to all gay furs. A lot of them are nice, I’m talking bout the hotshot furs and some random furs that give the gays a bad name =/ .

--MiaFox

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Hi, MiaFox,

First of all, this is from me, a gay bear fur: (((((HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS)))))

Judging by what you say, it is not you, hon. You are making a concerted effort to be friendly at cons and such and are getting the brush-off. And, as you say, it is not all gay men (boys) who act like this, but enough to make your AC experience unpleasant, and I am sorry to hear that.

Papabear would chalk it up to two likely things: 1) many furries are quite young and, as you might know, male teens are slower to mature than females. So, what I’m saying is they are acting very immaturely. As a 47-year-old gay man living in Palm Springs, home to many mature and older gay men, I can tell you I have never observed a grown man acting so ridiculously about “bewbs.” Would I be correct in assuming that most of those who react to you like this are younger than 20? Or, at least, younger than 25?

Not only are you dealing with immature boys, but (and, readers, please don’t get mad at me for this) you are dealing with furries. A big part of the fandom is the escape into childhood fantasy. This only enhances the possibility of immature behavior. So, what you get in many cases is teen boys made doubly immature by their escape into a fantasy world.

The above are BROAD generalizations—always dangerous territory—but at times generalizations and stereotypes apply, and I think it does in this particular case. I am not saying, by any means, that all furries, including young males, act this way, but many do. Their numbers are particularly concentrated at a furcon such as AC, and the larger the con (AC being the largest) the more anonymous one feels and the more mob mentality kicks in, which further accentuates derpy behavior.

So, what is the solution for you? Papabear would recommend you take your furry (especially young male furry) in small doses. Instead of going to ginormous furcons like AC or MFF, go to smaller furmeets or meet furries in small social gatherings of your own. Make contact with furries in your area online, get to know them and their attitudes a bit better, and then meet them for a nice dinner or a movie. Go on a double date, that sort of thing. Slowly increase your circle of furiends and, next time you go to a big con, try and attend with your furiends.

And then the tables are turned a bit. Picture this: you are at a furcon with 6 or 7 of your close furiends, pleasantly chatting and laughing about the “bewbs” incident, and you notice a single, shy furry cautiously approaching to possibly try and make friends. Welcome them and set an example of how a furry should behave by not judging them and being the friendly person you are.

The fandom needs more people like you, MiaFox. Lead by example of how proper, mature, friendly furries should behave toward one another.

I wrote recently in another letter about the difference between “childlike” and “childish.” Your negative experience was with childish people. Furry should be about childlike, joyous, innocent, fun, playful, and imaginative behavior. It should be inclusive, not exclusive. Open your furry arms and embrace it.

BEAR HUGS,

Papabear