Stepfather from Hell

Hello Papabear,

This is my first time writing to you and thought it would be a good way to help with current turmoil that I am going through in my life.

The past school semester I told my mate that my stepfather had raped me when I was only 15, I am 20 now and the following happened after that night.

He told my mother, with my blessing, what happened to me 5 years ago and through a teary phone call she finally decides to divorce my father. Upon moving back home for the summer my stepfather openly shows aggression over my failed semester, demeaning me through shouting and profanity, taking away my house keys and kicking me out of the house when no one is home. It was to a point that I was scared for my life for when my father gets served the papers. I spoke with my mother of my fears and asked to live with my mate for a couple of days for when he cools down. After said time I get a phone call that I’m not even allowed to come home until the divorce is settled, orders of my father. 

So now its been 4 months and he’s destroyed my sisters bedroom and was arrested, yet my mother bails him out and after my visit to drop off two kittens I had saved from the streets and adopted for her to take care of until we move to a pet friendly environment, lets him back in the house and even though she promised to take care of them, she lets him take my kittens away to an animal shelter behind my back. I'm still recovering from that heartache of my lost kittens that I've cared and invested over 600$ on them in vet bills and surgery. Currently I'm still living with my mate who is, so far providing my missing emotional and financial support, he works hard and I love him so, but I cant help but feel like a burden to him. He seems to be the only one I can trust anymore. 

My question to you is, are there better times ahead even for one like me or are things going to continue going down hill?

Accalia

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Dear Accalia,

I predict your life will improve, but only if you are able to cut this man completely out of your life, as well as from your mother’s. Do not go to this house (unless it is to rescue your mom) at all. Stay away from this piece of human filth.

Okay a number of thins to cover here. First of all, your mother needs to get away from this man, if at all possible, even before any divorce papers are served, especially since your stepfather seems unstable and violent. She needs to contact a relative or friend and move in with them. Period. If he gets nasty, she can file a restraining order. Your mother is exhibiting some classic codependent traits, such as continuing to help this man (bailing him out, obeying his wishes to get rid of the cats) even though he has been violent to both you and your sister. You need to try and pull as many family members into this as possible so you can work together to convince her to get away from this criminal and loser as soon as possible.

Both you and your mom need to seek attorneys: she for the divorce (I guess she has done this?), and you to explore litigation against him for raping you (there is no statute of limitations on rape, so you can still sue him). It is good you have some support from your mom (she needs to be more on your side, though) and mate, but you might also consider some counseling. Start researching lawyers, looking for those who offer free initial consultations and are willing to take a percentage of settlements as payment.

It sounds like your sister might need to do some of the above, too. You only mention her in passing, but sounds like she is at risk as well.

Speaking of your mate, I’m glad you have someone supportive in your life. Don’t feel guilty about staying with him. That is what mates are for. But do try and do whatever you can to help him. If you can’t work or help financially, then cook him meals, clean his apartment, run his errands and do what you can to make his life easier.

I’m so sorry about your cats, but it just proves my point that you should in no shape or form have anything to do with your stepfather. Don’t talk to him, don’t see him, don’t go in the house where he lives, even if he is not there. Stay with your mate and work on litigation against him.

Papabear hopes you and your mother will be okay, and I hope you can convince her to get out NOW. Not tomorrow, not next week, NOW. Once you press the Delete button on his ass, your life will improve immeasurably.

Be safe. Bear hugs.

Papabear