Sometimes You Just Have to Live with Mistakes

Hello, PapaBear,

I have written to you before, but I am in need of more advice. See, I am mated to this wonderful guy in Wisconsin (and have been since almost three years back.), and I myself live in Denmark, Europe.

In November-ish, 2011, I met another fur in Denmark whom fell head over heels in love with me and he still has a really deep crush on me. 

Now, I've lived in Denmark since late 2010 together with other furs (I moved there from England due to homelessness) and the other furs have moved out, and since early December 2012, that fur that has a crush on me have moved in as I asked him to. (I have had a depression since 11 years of age, I have a hard time keeping positive if left alone for too long.) And since then, I have felt worse and worse, as he keeps getting either pissed off with me or really depressed/annoyed with me, because he knows he can't have me. I am stuck here and right now, I don't know what to do. I mean, I have to move to Sweden later this year as I am a Swedish citizen and I will be marrying my fiancé. But what to do about my friend, I would hate to lose him as he can be rather sweet. And what to do about him the last time here? Please answer this.

Rainbow Cheetah

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Dear Rainbow,

I understand that you asked this person to live with you because you didn’t want to be alone, but as you found out you were asking for trouble when you knew that this guy had a crush on you but you already gave your heart to another. It’s not at all surprising that he is upset with you; he probably thinks you were leading him on by your invitation, even though you weren’t. You knew that, but he didn’t.

Sometimes in life we make mistakes, and there is no magical elixir that can make them *poof!* disappear. You made a mistake and now you find yourself in a spot with no easy resolution.

I assume that your friend knows you are moving back to Sweden, yes? To be with your lover and get married, right? Since it is already May, that can’t be too far off.  The best thing you can do for now is always be kind, considerate, and honest with him. He needs to be mature enough to recognize the reality of his situation and that he cannot have you as a mate. With luck, he will understand and you can keep him as a friend. 

We cannot control the actions or emotions of other people. All we can do is be kind and honest and hope they will manage the rest.

Good luck with your future move back to Sweden and congratulations on the forthcoming nuptials.

Papabear