Well, not long after I joined the furry group in my country, I was approached by this charming hybrid furry online. We chatted a few times and inevitably ended up me falling for him. Well, I wasn't aware he already had a mate until it was too late when my feelings for him bloomed into something far from neutral.
I really like this guy but he already has a mate and their relationship is going great. It just hurts me inside...
I've tried many times to distract myself with drawing and reading and many various hobbies but all in vain. I lie awake every night... my mind plaguing me with thoughts of him. This may sound a bit pathetic but because of that, I start to cry. It hurts so much whenever I think of them or see them together.
I need your help, Papabear. I'm so frustrated and confused. I can't do anything.
This never happened to me before... I've never craved for a mate until I fell for him. He doesn't know of my feelings nor do I plan on telling him. I am afraid that by doing that I would destroy our friendship.
I can't bear to let him go. Please help.
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Wow, this is tough. Loving someone you can’t have is about as painful an experience that the heart can endure.
So, my understanding is that you have not told this guy about your feelings for him because you respect that he is in love with his mate and their relationship is a good one. That is a very mature and wise and unselfish choice on your part, and Papabear congratulates you for it.
Now, as for your pain and heartache.... Did you ever see Disney’s “Aladdin”? In it, Genie says he can do most anything, but the three things he cannot do is grant you more wishes, raise the dead, and, lastly, make other people fall in love with you. Papabear is no genie, but one thing I cannot do, either, is make someone fall in love with you, or prevent you from falling in love with someone who is unavailable.
While it is wonderful that you want to be friends with this guy, if you wish to ease your pain you might want to consider distancing yourself from him because seeing him, especially with his mate, will only remind you of the pain you are feeling. That is just a suggestion. I don’t know how strong you are emotionally to handle this; perhaps you CAN handle it, perhaps not. But, since you can’t have him as your mate (unless he and his mate are open to polyamory, but I didn’t get that from your letter), the best thing for you to do is move on and find someone who IS available.
Papabear doesn’t subscribe to the romantic notion that there is only one soul mate for each of us in the world. This guy may be terrific, but he is not the only one on the planet for you. The absolute best thing you can do, my friend, is find someone who is both lovable and available. While you are searching for that, try getting your mind of him by distracting yourself with work, hobbies, school, friends, whatever you can to fill your days and not obsess about this.
I wish I had a magic bottle filled with potion that would ease your mind and heart, but there are some things that just are not that easy to resolve. You will need strength and wisdom to get through this.
Keep up the good fight.
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