Should She Give in to Mate's Pressure to Be a Furry?

Dear Papabear,

First off, I would like to say I am not a furry, With this I see nothing wrong with furs, in fact I love all furs, most my friends are furs, and I'm pretty much surrounded, I love it; it makes me happy, Even my mate is a fur, A wonderful handsome lion, I truly love him, when he first met he knew I was not a fur, and he seemed fine with it, But he slowly started pushing the issue that I should find a fursona, I tired my hand at it, but nothing seemed right, Just nothing seemed to fit, But he always pushed it more and more, and now I'm scared that if I do not find a fursona, even if I have to fake it, That I will lose him, 

What should I do ?

Stuck out in the cold with no fur

Sally’May

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Dear Sally’May,

When the modern furry fandom began back in the early 1980s or so, it was simply about people who liked stories featuring anthropomorphized animal characters—a sort of subgenre of sci-fi and fantasy. Over the years it has come to mean a lot more. Most furries these days, however, see it as much more than that. Not all furries have fursonas, but most do and many (not all) feel it is part of being a furry.

So, not all furries have fursonas, and your question makes me think of the novel notion: perhaps a nonfurry could have a fursona. Interesting idea. And so, even though you aren’t a furry and can’t really connect with a fursona, you could do so to please your mate.

But why should you? As you said, your mate knew who and what you were when you got together. If you both love each other, you should accept each other as you are. It is certainly possible for a furry and a nonfurry to be mates. My husbear is not a furry, but he thinks furries are cool. I don’t demand he become a furry or pick a fursona. On the other hand, he loves going to furcons with me and watching me in parades and such in my fursuit.

Your mate is probably pushing you to be more of a fur because he wants to share his life with you and that seems more doable if you’re a furry, too. You need him to understand that that is not essential for a loving relationship.

Let’s turn this around. Do you have some interests that are unique to you that he doesn’t participate in? Just for instance, say you are a football fan—would he go to a football game with you? If you were a Packers fan and he wasn’t, would you force him to wear cheese on his head and tell him that you don’t love him unless he does so? I would hope not.

Likewise, he shouldn’t force things on you. The two of you must have things in common or you wouldn’t be together. It’s actually a good thing that you don’t share every quality—if you did, it would be like dating yourself. Viva la difference!

Your mate needs to respect that you are different and appreciate that you love him the way he is and enjoy being with furries even if you aren’t one. You need to ask him to love you as you are and not try and change you. If he doesn’t respect that, then I’m afraid you have a problem. On the other paw, he might not realize he’s been pressuring you, and if you point it out to him, he might apologize and back off.

If you are a good judge of character and have built a loving relationship with a cool lion, then you have no reason to fear explaining to him how you feel. If he is not the lion you think he is, better to find out now than years from now.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you!

Papabear