Should He Tell Boyfriend He Is a Therian?

Reader, first time asker here.

A bit about me: I am 20, and I have been a furry for about 5-6 years now and although I have never been to a con (Yet) or owned a fursuit, I have always felt a deep connection to the fandom. As well I have always felt therian (Since I was a kid I always felt a deep connection to the natural and spiritual worlds) and thus the connection is also spiritual. 

I am dealing with potential homelessness, and seeing as my mother essentially hates me since she found out I was a furry (Right after that CSI episode, not my smartest move...) my life has been "unhappy" for a long while. The rest of my family doesn't know, but I was still abused and neglected during my childhood.

As well I was raped in the past, and have dealt with depression since I was 14, and have always felt distant to people.

I am still uncomfortable when in close proximity of anyone, even my family.

In the last week I met this really wonderful man, and although he is older (14 year gap) and very interested in quick sex (which I am afraid to try as my only experience was “bad”), he is giving our relationship a try and we have a lot in common (both fun and in bed).

But as far as I know he isn't a furry, and I am afraid if I tell him, he will leave (or worse) just stay long enough to have sex and then leave me.

We don't know each other super well, but since I met him my life has felt much better, and when we got comfortable (mostly me getting comfortable) we could barely stop talking and texting one another.

He still doesn't know about my family troubles, me being a therian, or my past with abuse (sexual or otherwise), and I am afraid if I tell him, he will want to leave. But I know I have to tell him, but the big questions are:

• How? And over how long? Is it too soon?
• Should I wait a few dates, or should I just send him a long text/email?
• Do I know him well enough?

The Biggest though is: How best do I tell him I am a therian, Let alone that I am a furry, without him thinking I am a freak or him taking it as a joke or something to be cured?

I hope this wasn't too hard to read.

And thanks in advance Papabear.

--BlueEye Fox

* * *

Hi, Fox,

There’s a lot going on in this letter that is too much to deal with in one response: abuse, rape, poverty, homelessness, etc. That is enough to write several letters (you may look at some past letters on these subjects on my site for more input), so Papabear will just deal with the one question that is currently on your mind: opening up to your new boyfriend (and I won’t even go into the possible issues of the age difference here—that, too, is for another letter).

Papabear understands your reticence, given your mother’s reaction (and I agree, your timing on that was unfortunate). But your boyfriend is not your mother, so his reaction will likely be quite different. So, how do you approach him with the idea that you are a therian and a furry etc.? My advice is that you approach it from neutral ground. The way you do that is you find an excuse to talk about therians or furries. You might, for example, show him a website or two and say something like, “I found this interesting website. What do you think of it?” and get an initial reaction. His reaction can be negative (e.g., “What a bunch of freaks and furverts.”), it can be neutral (*shrugs* “whatever, I don’t care”), or it can be positive (“Whoa! Cool! That’s amazing!”). Depending on what reaction you get, that is how you proceed.

Me, I took a more lay-the-cards-on-the-table approach. One night in bed I just told Yogi that I was a furry. We talked about what furry is and he was fine with it and even thought it was a lot of fun. Since then, we have been to several furcons together and he’s had a lot of fun, even though he’s not a furry. In your case, however, since you are still getting to know him, a more cautious approach as outlined above could help.

Coming out as a therian to your mate may open the door to other conversations as well, such as your troubled past. If you want more than just a sexual relationship and a few fun times with your boyfriend, you are going to have to open up to him and share your personal feelings and experiences; with luck, he will do the same with you and you will learn things about him.  

As for timing: there is no time like the present. If you are serious about him, you might as well address this issue now.

Wearing your heart on your sleeve like this, so to speak, will build a stronger, more loving, and trusting relationship between the two of you and is really a must for any chance of an enduring couplehood.

Good luck, Fox!

Papabear