Should He Room with Ex Mate?
I have a friend who will be moving in with me soon as a roommate, there is only one problem he's my ex. I’m worried that old feeling will hurt him or us. I am confidant in myself being calm about our break up since it was nice and easy and very understanding (though mostly my fault). The thing that worries me the most is his family they are very conservative and sound as though they barely accept his sexuality of being gay. I want to help him and I kind of have by giving him some confidence to get out from under his parents thumb, but the problem lies in the fact that with him living with me (since I now kinda see him as a goofy lil brother) he will become a little dependent on me since his parents have always been there for him (he’s now in his early 20s). I’m not entirely sure how things will play out and I can't tell him that it won't work as roommate because he has nowhere else to go and I am in such a financial bind right now I can't be too picky about my roommate (there are other reasons as well but that is the biggest one.)
So yeah that’s all I got thanks again.
* * *
Papabear thinks it is great that you are still good friends with your ex and that you want to help him grow as a person and gain his independence from his parents. That said, I would not recommend that anyone become roommates with a former lover. The potential for hurt and misunderstanding is just too great—you are walking into an emotional mine field, Okamiketto. Furthermore, you could inflame the sensitive issue between your friend and his parents, who don’t understand his being gay and more than likely know that the two of you were lovers at one point. They likely won’t buy it when you tell them that the two of you are just friends now. Thirdly, you are already concerned that he might become too dependent on you, which is a problem emotionally as well as financially, since you admit your piggy bank is a bit low right now.
Papabear is very familiar with furries who have broken up and then moved in together as roommates and it got very ugly. Hurt feelings and past arguments inevitably flared up, and now they hate each other’s guts. Papabear would not want that to happen to you and your friend.
You say that he has nowhere else to go, but it would be far better if you helped him find other roommates to live with, while still being there as a supportive friend. As for you, there are lots of young people looking for a place to live who would be happy to be your roommate, I’m sure.
That might not be what you wanted to hear, but my suggestion is for you not to be roommates. Doesn’t mean you can’t be there for him in other ways, but living together is a bad idea.
Leave a Reply.
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.