Should He Do What His Family Wants, or What His Heart Wants?

[Dear Readers. In today's column, I write back to two furries who wrote to me at the same time. It's quite touching. Read on....  
--Papabear]

Hello, Papabear,

I’m 20 years old and I found a really great friend who I want to move in with. However, he is in the air force and I want to go to Texas with him for 8 weeks then to Georgia for two years with his boyfriend. But I’m being pulled in all directions. People telling me what to do and acting like they know better then I do. If I go then I will be letting down all my family, but if I stay I will be missing out on something great.

King
. . .
Dear Papabear,

A very close and loving fur known as King will be writing to you soon. He desperately needs help. He is trying to find out how best approach what is going on with him. If his letter comes in and you need any info from me, I would be happy to provide it for you, Papabear. I love him deeply with all my heart. That is why I am trying to save him from his mentally unstable adoptive mom and his less than helpful adoptive dad. I have already paid for his tickets to join me in TX as I will be going for training for a new job in the Air Force. Afterwards, I will be going to my next duty station in GA. His parents, aunt and uncles are all telling him that I am a pedophile (even though he is an adult and is 20 years old), a creep and someone after his money (his whole $10 in his bank account). They are filling his head with doubt and he is getting pissed. Hell, he is even saying he is getting panic attacks because with me on one side tugging and his adoptive family tugging on the other he is slowly losing his patience. He hates his job, as well, working for BK in NJ. I want to give him a better life away from his abusive parents and crappy job. I love him so much I am willing to take him with me to tech school, living with me in the hotel I will be staying in, find some temporary job until I leave and then drive off together to GA. He is to be living with me as well. We will meet in person this upcoming Friday and the following day he is coming with me. But sadly his folks are driving a wedge between us. Well this is what I got for you on my side of the story. Let me know if you got his letter yet or are giving him some sort of advice. Please please Papabear he needs you. :'c

Much worry,

Alonely

* * *

Dear King and Alonely,

I am writing to both of you since you both wrote to me. King, you are 20 years old. That’s old enough, certainly (unless you are suffering some illness that makes you dependent upon others), to go off on your own and live your own life. The letter that Alonely wrote is filled with love and concern for you. He sounds like someone who wants to care for you, while your family, on the other paw, want to restrict you, either because they want to control your life or because they don’t have enough faith in you to believe you can go out and live it yourself.

If the two of you can come to an agreement on how the finances will work, and if both of you are willing to do what needs to be done to make this new partnership work, then, King, you need to take the bull by the horns and, as you say, make sure you don’t “miss out on something great.”

Throughout our lives, we come across people who tell us we can’t do something. When we are young, it is often parents and family members who tell us “No, you can’t do that.” When we are older, it might be friends, or lovers, or bosses, or the government, or the church. People will always tell you “No.” People will always try and limit you, to tie your feet down, to clip your flight feathers. These are the people who want to control us and who, indeed, are afraid of having people in their lives they cannot control.

Don’t listen to them. I can tell from your letter that your heart knows better than your head what to do. Follow your heart.

Good luck! Hugs!

Papabear