She's Troubled by Sister Hitting Her

hello there sir I’m sorry to bother you and you must be busy but I have something that has been bothering me for some time is it ok that my sister hites me?

BunnBunn (age 13)

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Hi, BunnBunn,

I'm here for questions, hon. Why do you think your sister hates you?

Papabear

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sir please stop right there I don’t know why she does this but I don’t think she hates me I mean I love her so she must feel the same right?

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Did I misread your letter? You typed "is it ok that my sister hites me?" I thought you meant hate. Did you mean bite? I honestly don't know.

Papabear

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I’m sorry for the confusion sir I’m going to try to be more clear from now on what I mean sir is that when ever she is angry or something she does thing such as punch, shove me and things like that

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BunnBunn,

Ohhh, HITS you, ok. No, it is NOT okay that your sister punches and shoves you. Violence of any kind is never okay. Your sister needs to understand that this is not okay (she might not get that, right now).

Do your parents know she does this?

Hugs,

Papabear

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oh I’m so sorry I should have waited longer sorry to have interrupted you it wont happen again sorry and as for your question I don’t have any parents 

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I'm sorry to hear that. With whom do you live, dear?

Papabear

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it may seem a little odd but I live with my oldest sibling Lisa 

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Is she the one who punches you? How old is she?

Papabear

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Lisa is almost 30 and no sir April is she lives with Lisa as well 

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So, it is three sisters: you, April, and Lisa, and Lisa is the oldest and she is your guardian, correct? And April is the one who punches, correct?

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yes sir that is correct

I have two other siblings Cody and Emily but they do not live here

I told her once but all that caused was a fight :(


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Does it hurt you much when April hits you, or is more of a playful thing? Is she bruising you or worse?

Papabear

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sorry it took so long to get back to you this week has been eventful in  a way, and I’d rather not say it so I’m just going to say its the last question on your list.

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Dear BunnBunn,

Okay, sorry for all the questions, but I had to understand what was going on. Again, I must say that it is not okay for people to hit one another, especially in one’s own family. I’m sorry that your sister Lisa has not done anything about this situation once you told her.

I can speculate as to why April acts out violently. Sometimes, when one’s life is in upheaval (loss of parents) and you live in a stressful situation (as I imagine this can be, and that Lisa is probably very stressed out trying to lead the family), people can act out their upset in a physical way. April is probably unhappy about what has happened and, even though it is NOT your fault, when the least little thing happens wrong, she might blame you or act out against you physically.

This is not excusing her behavior; I’m just offering a possible explanation for why this happens. I’m also thinking that Lisa is busy with work and other things and doesn’t have much time to spend with you and April. What April needs (and perhaps you, as well), is a mentor. That is, someone in her life who serves as a positive role model and who spends time with her doing all kinds of things—from fun stuff that she likes to do to helping her with homework.

There is an organization out there specifically designed to help young people like April and you. It’s called Big Brothers Big Sisters, and you can learn about it at http://www.bbbs.org/. At the top of the page, you can type in your zip code to find a local chapter. Contact them and find out about their programs. Talk to Lisa about this, too, and encourage her to contact the program, which is excellent.

I would bet you a kajillion dollars that if April gets a good mentor in her life, you will see an end to punching and shoving, and it will also help her in a lot of other aspects in her life. If you feel you could also benefit, ask the nice folks at BBBS what they can do for you.

Good Luck, BunnBunn. Feel free to write again.

Hugs,

Papabear