Hey Papabear
I'm having troubles with my boyfriend at the moment. He is getting kicked out of home at the end of the month and he doesn't seem to care and if he gets kicked out of home I will not be able to see him any more. I can not leave him because I truly love him. What should I do?
He's being kicked outta home because he hasn't been able to get a job for 2 years and his dad's sick of it.... We have been together for 3 years in June. He lives half an hour’s drive from me and we have a rocky relationship but we always seem to get through stuff
Luffles from Misty (age 17)
* * *
Hi, Misty,
I’m curious why you would want to be with someone with whom you have a “rocky relationship” and who doesn’t care if he gets kicked out of his house even if that means that, for some reason, he won’t be able to see you anymore. My bear instincts are kicking in here. Is it because you don’t think you can do better? I believe the problem—at least, your problem—isn’t that your apathetic boyfriend will soon be on the streets but that you have such low self-esteem that you would want to be with him in the first place. I could be wrong, but what do you think?
One thing that I’ve learned in life is that you can’t help people who don’t want to be helped. Why is it your job to get him on track? It’s his job. You, as girlfriend, can be there to be loving and supportive in his efforts, but if he’s making no effort, then there’s nothing for you to be supportive of.
You’re 17 and I’m assuming your boyfriend is about the same age (although maybe a few years older since he’s not in school and has been unemployed for 2 years?) If he is not going to school, and he is able-bodied, he needs to get a job, even if it is just part time. One thing about companies is that if you are a young man or woman and willing to work hard for minimum wage, you can probably get some sort of work. I know that doesn't sound great, but it's better than nothing. You have to start somewhere, after all. I’m thinking his father would not have kicked him out if he thought his son were making an effort to do something with himself and that the reason for his frustration is his son isn’t trying. (Again, reading between the lines here).
This might sound like I am unsympathetic to your feelings of love, but I do understand that love has no reason. We often love people who are not really great for us, and we stick by them no matter what. You do not have to “leave” your boyfriend. Tell him you are here for him to give him whatever love and support you can, but it is up to him to take you up on that offer. Let him make the next move.
Good luck,
Papabear
I'm having troubles with my boyfriend at the moment. He is getting kicked out of home at the end of the month and he doesn't seem to care and if he gets kicked out of home I will not be able to see him any more. I can not leave him because I truly love him. What should I do?
He's being kicked outta home because he hasn't been able to get a job for 2 years and his dad's sick of it.... We have been together for 3 years in June. He lives half an hour’s drive from me and we have a rocky relationship but we always seem to get through stuff
Luffles from Misty (age 17)
* * *
Hi, Misty,
I’m curious why you would want to be with someone with whom you have a “rocky relationship” and who doesn’t care if he gets kicked out of his house even if that means that, for some reason, he won’t be able to see you anymore. My bear instincts are kicking in here. Is it because you don’t think you can do better? I believe the problem—at least, your problem—isn’t that your apathetic boyfriend will soon be on the streets but that you have such low self-esteem that you would want to be with him in the first place. I could be wrong, but what do you think?
One thing that I’ve learned in life is that you can’t help people who don’t want to be helped. Why is it your job to get him on track? It’s his job. You, as girlfriend, can be there to be loving and supportive in his efforts, but if he’s making no effort, then there’s nothing for you to be supportive of.
You’re 17 and I’m assuming your boyfriend is about the same age (although maybe a few years older since he’s not in school and has been unemployed for 2 years?) If he is not going to school, and he is able-bodied, he needs to get a job, even if it is just part time. One thing about companies is that if you are a young man or woman and willing to work hard for minimum wage, you can probably get some sort of work. I know that doesn't sound great, but it's better than nothing. You have to start somewhere, after all. I’m thinking his father would not have kicked him out if he thought his son were making an effort to do something with himself and that the reason for his frustration is his son isn’t trying. (Again, reading between the lines here).
This might sound like I am unsympathetic to your feelings of love, but I do understand that love has no reason. We often love people who are not really great for us, and we stick by them no matter what. You do not have to “leave” your boyfriend. Tell him you are here for him to give him whatever love and support you can, but it is up to him to take you up on that offer. Let him make the next move.
Good luck,
Papabear
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