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Rotten Relatives Jilt Teen Out of His Father's Will

7/29/2015

3 Comments

 
Hi,

Back in 2011, my father died on Christmas morning. After saying my last good bye, some people took him away in a body bag. The rest of my Family came over my house that day, and they took all of the stuff that my Dad said that he would give to me and my sister when he died (a MAC, a flat screen TV, Money, and other valuable things). A week later, I found out that my aunt made my dad drink in order to sign a contract saying that she would get all of his money when he died, and my dad didn’t know what he was doing because of course, he was drunk. 

Many years have passed now, I’m a teenager, I’m going to get a job in 3 months, and I’m growing up in general. But the question is, how do I move on, and forget about all the bad stuff in my life. I’ve been taking anti-depression pills, but I’m still depressed, and I don’t like being sad. I’ve seen a counselor, but that didn’t help either... 


What do I do about my depression?

Excalibur (age 13)

* * *

Dear Excalibur,

Apologies for my delayed reply, and I'm very sorry for your loss. Interesting story you relate here, and it has parallels with some that I have come across in my life. For example, when my ex-wife’s grandmother had died, her relatives swooped into the house, destroyed or hid the original will, and took what they wanted. All my ex wanted was a set of dishes that her grandmother had promised her (she wasn’t looking for money), but her relatives took those, as well. In another story, a friend of mine was very close to a man named Butch for years and years. Well, a gold-digging jerk came into Butch’s life and, as Butch was weak and dying from AIDS, got Butch to change his will at the last minute so that everything went to him, even though they had only been lovers for a couple years. None of Butch’s other family and friends got a thing. Another story: when my mate Yogi’s first husband died of heart failure his mother burned all of his photos because she hated her own son for being gay. Yogi thus lost all of those precious photos.

Your story is, sadly, not unique. People can be extremely petty and greedy, and relatives who should be loving and caring often turn out to be materialistic dirt bags. The thing is, hon, if you allow your relatives’ bad behavior to depress you, then they will have defeated you not only in grabbing material goods but also by emotionally manipulating you.

The way out of your depression is to realize that you are a better person than that. Let them have the Mac and the money, or whatever. It won’t fill their empty souls or turn their charcoal hearts into diamonds.

Focus, instead, on the love you had—and still have—for your dad. No one can take memories away. Do you have photos? Videos? Cherish those, too. 

You can defeat your depression by acknowledging what is important in life. Your relatives think what is important is stuff and money. You must realize that the only thing in life that is truly important is love—genuine, unselfish love—and the kindness that it brings.

You can’t change people who are determined to be petty and small and hateful. But you can change your reaction to them, and the best way to do that is to let it be. Let them have their stuff. He will always be your father, and they can never take that away from you.

I find, when my soul is troubled, that the best cure is to go out into the world and love. Love other people, love animals, be kind to nature, do something spontaneously nice for someone else with no desire for reciprocation and your soul will be filled to overflowing and your depression will become a distant memory.

Blessed Be,

Papabear
3 Comments
Seth
7/29/2015 01:59:32 pm

Dear Excalibur,

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, and even more so about what happened immediately afterwards. Now, I'm not nearly so wise as Papabear, but one thing about which I know a little is depression and low feelings, and I can't help but wonder if, as well as depression, you're moving through the grieving process. Much has been written on the subject of grief, most notably the "five stages" (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance); what is not always said is that these stages are generalisations, that they can come in whatever order they choose and linger for however long they linger, and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling grief.

The world today places a significant emphasis on "feeling fine": it's somehow 'not right' to feel unhappy, to have negative feelings, to be sad, lonely or stuck in a grey place. Your father passed away, and that cannot be anything but a big source of loss, sorrow and a whole set of other emotions, but the world doesn't see that: it's stuck with its own problems and wants you to just carry on with the flow.

Your feelings are no more or less valid or important than anyone else's. It is very important to allow yourself permission, and time, to grieve; it is also very important to remember that, however depressed you feel at the moment, it WILL get better, I promise.

Reply
Papabear
7/30/2015 12:46:42 am

Thanks for the comments, and you're right about what you say. I did ask Excalibur if there was anything troubling him other than his feelings of being ripped off by the relatives, and he said that no, that was all this particular letter was about, and so that's the thing I addressed. I just wanted you to know that I wasn't being insensitive about his losing his father.

Reply
Seth
7/30/2015 10:12:39 am

I never thought that, Papabear. If that's how my note came across then I have inadvertently done you a severe disservice, and I apologise.




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