Returning Reader Asks Papabear for More Advice

Hello again,

I would like to thank you once again for helping me out with my problem. I was the one who wrote to you about my friend who went to basic training. Unfortunately I have more problems that are somewhat related to that issue.

As I said in my last letter to you, I am currently coming out of the closet about my sexuality. I have told about 99% of my friends and they have all been surprisingly accepting, but the thing is, when I tell them they just say ok and good for you, which for some reason is freaking me out. I felt like I was going to have to talk to some of my friends about stuff like when I found out and explain that I have not been hitting on any of them. I do want to talk about the situation that happened between me and my friend that went to basic training but I feel like that might make some of my friends uncomfortable and drive them away. I just want someone that I can vent my frustrations to.

I am also terrified about coming out to my parents. I feel like my mom is going to be "ok" about it but I feel like my dad might disown me or ignore my existence for a while which is scaring the crap out of me. I also don't know how to actually tell them I'm gay. how do I tell them?

I am also wondering when an appropriate time to do this would be. The thing is that my parents (my mom) is trying to become a foster parent. She is a teacher and she legally had to report a case to the state. My mom knows that this child has been moved around all his life and needs a stable environment. With this coming up, should I do it before he arrives or wait until things settle down with the child just in case the worst happens between me and my parents. 

Thank you for all your help! You're amazing!!!

Siby

* * *

Dear Siby,

There really is no particularly good time to tell your family you are gay, and your reasoning that you might be better off waiting until after your mother has dealt with the foster parenting arrangements is just a delay tactic, don’t you think? 

Since your mom is probably going to be more open-minded about this—if your feelings are correct—the logical thing to do is to tell her first before your dad. After you have done that, talk to your mom about what she feels is the best way to broach the topic with your father.  She will likely have a better idea of how to do this than you would.

Papabear is not really sure why the fact that your friends accept you as you are is freaking you out. You should be grateful they are not making a big deal out of it. In this day and age, many younger people are accepting of people in the GLBT community, which is good news! And, surely, one of your gay-accepting friends can serve as someone you can talk to about your mate who is in the military, if Papabear’s intuition is correct.

Thanks for writing again! Hope you are able to resolve all your issues soon and can focus on your own life and goals without worrying so much about coming out to your loved ones.

Bear Hugs,

Papabear