Heya Papa Bear,
I saw this page when I was browsing Furaffinity, so I thought I'd give it a shot. So for some background, I've met a girl on a video game who really liked my personality and she asked to be my girlfriend. I didn't want to be rude or defiant, so I quickly said yes. But later she tells me that she lives in a different state (Ohio), and that she is two years behind me, which is not the legal consent age in her state. So my question is should I carry on and meet someone else that is of age, or should I go the extra mile and wait two years for it to work out? I Hope this message finds you well in these trying times, and have a Merry Christmas!
Jackthefennec (North Carolina, age 18)
* * *
You jumped the gun a bit here, my fennec furiend. Saying "Yes, I'll be your boyfriend" because you "don't want to be rude or defiant" is a terrible reason to say yes to a serious relationship invitation. Now, if she meant simply "let's be friends," that's fine, but gf/bf territory is what was implied, apparently. Jumping into a serious relationship is something I see writers to my column doing all the time. There's an old expression: "Look before you leap." It applies here. It's nice that you have pleasant chats online and may have some things in common. Those are good qualifications for an online friendship. But not for an emotional relationship and certainly not for a sexual one.
As for her being 16 to your 18, I doubt it matters. You live in completely different states, and I seriously doubt the two of you will meet in person in the next couple of years--do you? But let's say that COVID settles down and the two of you decide to meet at a furcon. That would be a great way to get to know each other, but again, I recommend you take it slowly and don't jump into bed. That said, the age of consent in Ohio is 16, so you don't have to worry about the legalities. DO worry about the consequences of sex in a world of STIs, high living expenses, and the costs of raising children.
You are making a pachyderm out of a mouse. Chill, relax, work on building your relationship with this girl. Get to know her. You have plenty of time. I'm gonna sound like an Old Papabear here, but you cubs rush into things too much. Not everything is a must-decide-now-this-very-instant deal. Don't force things. Allow them to evolve organically. And don't freak out if the relationship ends at some point. In fact, it would be unusual for an early teen crush to succeed. This is a time for you to learn about relationships--and don't forget to simply enjoy life in the moment.
Hope that helps.
Leave a Reply.
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.