Rejected from the Local Furry Group, Here's One Option He Might Try

Papabear,

As I have been seeing the last few years since my last con in July 2011 which was my latest interaction with furs. I tried rejoining the local fur group here and not knowing till maybe 1-3 months later I couldn't post on the SEFF [Southeast Florida Furs] FA page. OK, so I asked one of the heads about it and he said that there were some complaints from some furs, not saying who they were and what the complaints were about because they were "confidential." Since then I have only really known one fur locally from another fur group I was in since 1998. I try to hang out with him or plan something and all I get from him is, "I'm working that weekend/day/night." So my question is, "Is he avoiding me?" Now, about getting together with others on the other hand: What do you suggest?

Ace (age 32)

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Dear Ace,

With any group dynamic, there is inevitably social politics, drama, cliques, and all that bogus crap you may have naively believed would end after high school but still continues with “adults” your age. I have experienced this in everything from business (departments fighting with each other), to nonprofits (favoritism and shunning at a certain zoo I once volunteered at), to the gay community (the infamous A vs. B list of gay men in pretty much any community, mostly having to do with how much money you earn, how you dress, and who you know—you know, the things that really matter to people who are shallow douchebags).

Once “rumors” or “whispers” behind your back start to develop in a group, whatever group that might be, you’re usually toast at that point. People will glomp onto the popular furs in a group, believing whatever they say just to not be rejected, and accept whatever they say negative about a particular person. That’s one possibility. There are other possibilities, but this is all speculation, since I don’t know everything about your situation.

If you have made the effort to mend fences only to be rejected, then what you can do is try to form your own furry group. Stop being a follower and joiner and, instead, become a leader in your area. Invite furries to your home, organize activities, etc. You might find that there are other furries in your area who have also felt rejected by the established group there and that would be happy to join you.

Create your own Facebook page and Meetup page and publicize the hell out of your new group. When people ask to join, be welcoming and friendly and helpful.  There is always a need for new furry groups; I am constantly hearing from furries like you who can’t find a group nearby or, sometimes, who don’t feel the local group is very welcoming (sad, but true).

Sometimes in life the only way to get what you want is to take charge yourself, make your own rules, and lead the pack instead of being an omega wolf.

Good luck!

Papabear