Real vs. Fair Weather Friends

Greetings Papabear,

Recently I have been having troubles with the friends I had. I was in a relationship within the friend circle, and we broke up cause she lost interest in me. The trouble was she said she wanted to keep the friendship. It took me 2 months to get over the love, but still care enough to be friends. It got to the point where she wouldn't tell me anything and I had to find out on her tumblr. But the friends I made during college wouldn't respond back or try to talk with me. They would post pictures about friends doing the initiative and I grew tired doing the initiative with no response. I took time to think about it, and a few close online friends showed me some truth. But even with all the help and stuff I still feel like its not fair that I gave so much for these people and only get the cold shoulder. Is it the right thing to stop caring about every friend I have and only cherish the close friends I have, or is there another way?

--Shinjii

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Dear Shinjii,

One thing that a person learns over the years and with experience is there are friends and then there are friends. People used to call the shallow friends—the ones who are only by your side during the good times—“fair weather friends.” These are the ones who don’t support you when you are going through something stressful or even tragic, such as a relationship breakup or a death. They will also quickly turn on you for the slightest reason.

Then there are the real friends. The ones who will always like you and talk to you and want to be with you, whether you are rich or poor, healthy or in the hospital, happy or sad. Papabear can’t tell you which is which in your life; you have to take that on a case-by-case basis. Your group of friends will change and evolve over time. New people will pop in and others will leave your circle. Papabear wouldn’t advise you to dump an entire crowd of friends all at once; you should talk to each one individually and find out where they really stand, whether that’s with you through thick and thin, or just with you when it convenient for them to do so. You’ll know which ones to drop.

Hugs,

Papabear