I've told my mom I wanna build a costume. I didn't say a furry costume because she sometimes doesn't agree with my likes. So I bought materials to make the head except for eyes so I asked her to order 3 things for me then she forced me to confess why I'm making this. If I told her, she probably took the materials. She always told me to be myself and being a furry is being myself. How do I tell her I'm a furry in the nicest way possible?
Layla (age 15)
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Hi, Layla,
Sigh, the typical hypocrisy of mundane adults. I had another letter sometime back when a young girl was told by her school that the students should come to class dressed as a character that expresses themselves. Well, she wore her furry outfit and they promptly marched her to the counselor’s office. Adults are such schmoes. They say “be yourself” but only if “yourself” is something they approve of.
You know, just because you’re making an animal costume doesn’t mean you are necessarily a furry. Does she have to know this? It could be a Halloween costume, it could be a mascot, etc. etc. That’s one strategy. They other is to educate her. She, like so many others, obviously has the wrong idea about furries. She, like so many others, tends to lump people in the same category; she likely thinks of them all as shiftless, weird, unemployed, game-obsessed sex addicts, or some such thing, and then concludes “No daughter of mine is going to be like that!”
Many furries actually have great jobs and are well educated. Uncle Kage, for example (you may have heard of him), has a doctorate in pharmacy; others are computer programmers, engineers, businesspeople, or, like me, writers.
So, if you don’t want to pretend you’re making a mascot or other non-furry outfit, you can discuss it in a mature way and hope for the best. First, ask your mother what she thinks a furry is; likely, she will say some things you don’t agree with. Next, tell her that she taught you not to judge people so quickly or to stereotype people. Explain that furries are a very diverse group. There are even Christian furries! It’s wrong to try to put all the square, star-shaped, triangular, and oblong people into the same round hole. Remind her that she told you that you could be yourself. Ask her if she really meant that, or if she was not sincere. Tell her that if she is nervous in any way for any reason, you are happy to let her supervise everything you do to reassure her.
That’s about all you can do, really. Usually, the more people know, the less likely they are to judge. Also, the more openly you communicate, the more likely they are to trust. Be transparent.
Good Luck! Stay Furry!
Papabear
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[Update: January 11]
Well she doesn't really care about it but she doesn't help me buy materials for it.
Layla
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I see. So much of what I wrote above was unnecessary because your mother doesn't actually oppose your being a furry? Well, no problem then. She's not preventing you from building the fursuit, so that's good. As for buying materials, your mother is under no obligation to buy something for you, other than food, clothes, shelter, etc. The necessities. Many children are under the mistaken impression that their parents owe them something and should buy them everything they wish for. If you need money to buy materials for a fursuit, I suggest you find a part time job and purchase them with your own money. Check out Hire a Teen for some ideas.
Cheers,
Papabear
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