Ask Papabear: The First Advice Column for Furries!
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Readdressing an Old Issue

1/10/2016

7 Comments

 

I've told my mom I wanna build a costume. I didn't say a furry costume because she sometimes doesn't agree with my likes. So I bought materials to make the head except for eyes so I asked her to order 3 things for me then she forced me to confess why I'm making this. If I told her, she probably took the materials. She always told me to be myself and being a furry is being myself. How do I tell her I'm a furry in the nicest way possible?


Layla (age 15)
 
* * *
 
Hi, Layla,
 
Sigh, the typical hypocrisy of mundane adults. I had another letter sometime back when a young girl was told by her school that the students should come to class dressed as a character that expresses themselves. Well, she wore her furry outfit and they promptly marched her to the counselor’s office. Adults are such schmoes. They say “be yourself” but only if “yourself” is something they approve of.
​
You know, just because you’re making an animal costume doesn’t mean you are necessarily a furry. Does she have to know this? It could be a Halloween costume, it could be a mascot, etc. etc. That’s one strategy. They other is to educate her. She, like so many others, obviously has the wrong idea about furries. She, like so many others, tends to lump people in the same category; she likely thinks of them all as shiftless, weird, unemployed, game-obsessed sex addicts, or some such thing, and then concludes “No daughter of mine is going to be like that!”

Many furries actually have great jobs and are well educated. Uncle Kage, for example (you may have heard of him), has a doctorate in pharmacy; others are computer programmers, engineers, businesspeople, or, like me, writers.

So, if you don’t want to pretend you’re making a mascot or other non-furry outfit, you can discuss it in a mature way and hope for the best. First, ask your mother what she thinks a furry is; likely, she will say some things you don’t agree with. Next, tell her that she taught you not to judge people so quickly or to stereotype people. Explain that furries are a very diverse group. There are even Christian furries! It’s wrong to try to put all the square, star-shaped, triangular, and oblong people into the same round hole. Remind her that she told you that you could be yourself. Ask her if she really meant that, or if she was not sincere. Tell her that if she is nervous in any way for any reason, you are happy to let her supervise everything you do to reassure her.

That’s about all you can do, really. Usually, the more people know, the less likely they are to judge. Also, the more openly you communicate, the more likely they are to trust. Be transparent.
 
Good Luck! Stay Furry!
 
Papabear

* * *

[Update: January 11]

Well she doesn't really care about it but she doesn't help me buy materials for it.

Layla

* * *

I see. So much of what I wrote above was unnecessary because your mother doesn't actually oppose your being a furry? 
Well, no problem then. She's not preventing you from building the fursuit, so that's good. As for buying materials, your mother is under no obligation to buy something for you, other than food, clothes, shelter, etc. The necessities. Many children are under the mistaken impression that their parents owe them something and should buy them everything they wish for. If you need money to buy materials for a fursuit, I suggest you find a part time job and purchase them with your own money. Check out Hire a Teen for some ideas.

Cheers,
Papabear
​
7 Comments
Troll crew
1/10/2016 11:41:37 am

This is actually very well written and helpful! Even we agree with this :)!

You have forgotten one thing though. Most furries are on the financially better side (semi well-off, for the lack of a better term) and can afford the kind of education they desire.

We totally agree with you about adults, they can sometimes act like children (like us).

Goodbye! Just passing by, sorry if this creeped you out hahaha... You won't hear from us again.

Reply
Papabear
1/11/2016 09:03:19 am

"Troll Crew"? Oy vay. You might want to check out the update I added today, too.

Reply
Troll crew
1/11/2016 01:20:16 pm

Yeah we have checked the update, the outcome is hilarious.

Her mom went like: "A furry?You mean those people that like hairy vaginas? Oh well,maybe she is in hairy men parts for all I know.I couldn't care less both ways".

Our crew isn't malicious,we only want to make other people laugh with the help of our trolling.

Today is your lucky day cowboy! As a token of our appreciation for not driving us out of the site although there is a sign down there that says "no trolls", you win a.... ... A pair of socks... And a free yacht!In fact,everyone gets a free yacht and a pair of socks...on the house! Because I'm a millionaire... Maybe I need to be a multi billionaire to give everyone a yacht...

You think this is a scam? Haha, I have NEVER scammed anyone in my life!

Hashtag #miscarriage

Where do I see myself in five years you ask? Well probably not still in this shith***!

Ta ta!

P.S. We have forgotten to tell you something...really important... Here it is... ... ... I piss on the side of the toilet bowl to make less noice, purple skitles taste like rotten tomato ketchup. That is all,now I'm going to eat my shorts,disturbing.

Ahhh... What the help am I doing with my life... XD

Have a nice day!

Troll crew #2
1/11/2016 01:43:45 pm

If you can ignore the fact that my twin brother wrote this in God awful grammar and the fact that he doesn't even know where he is right now,yeah, you can expect that everyone gets a yacht, and possibly a pair of socks. And that leads to the question... Do furries even wear socks,I know it gets uncomfortable on top of their fur after a while.

One therian furry woke up one day and decided not to be a wolf anymore... He later decided that he was a cheetah.

One day I've woken up and decided that I was not a toaster anymore, I am actually a gas canister trapped inside a human body.Such is life.

Ahhh... Fun fact: Did you know that our research department just recently found out that 30% of people that use the internet identify themselves as not human?

Goodbye fuzzy butts,that's it from us. We are going for the MLP fandom,we are going to offer them a knife with a bipod on it and a free Lamborghini. Pretty tempting eh?

Reply
Papabear
1/11/2016 07:48:09 pm

Well, there's trolling and there's trolling. The stuff you're posting here isn't malicious, it's just silly. I'm all in favor of being silly, though it isn't too relevant in this case. Please send my free yacht to my dock on the Salton Sea, where I can enjoy it while smelling the dying fish. As for socks, I'd like some toe socks please, in rainbow colors. Thank you for your generosity.

Reply
Monash link
4/15/2016 09:43:04 am

Hey Papa bear, can you help me?

I'm real new to the furry fandom, and I want to come out as soon as possible. I've told all my friend online.
I'm having trouble coming out to my parents. Right now I'm trying to come out with a strategy. I first showed a video where a news reporter read the headlines, and a furry convention had a gas leak. She was shown what a furry was and walked out the building. I then said "I don't like her. Furries are fine."
Then walked away. I then showed some art, not revealing it was a furrie. Is this an okay method?

Monash-9

Reply
Papabear
4/17/2016 10:49:11 am

Hi, Monash,

Please visit the Coming Out Furry page http://www.askpapabear.com/letters/category/coming%20out%20furry to get some input on this.

hugs

Reply



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