Ask Papabear: The First Advice Column for Furries!
  • Home
  • Letters
  • Write Me
  • Disclaimer
  • Good Furry Award
    • Nomination Form
    • Lifetime Achievement Award
    • 2023 Nominees
    • 2022 Winners and Nominees
    • 2021 Wiinners
    • 2020 Winners
    • 2019 Winners
    • Good Furry Theme Song
  • Advertise
  • About
  • Gifts
  • Testimonials
  • Fan Art
  • Resources
  • Ask Papabear
  • Home
  • Letters
  • Write Me
  • Disclaimer
  • Good Furry Award
    • Nomination Form
    • Lifetime Achievement Award
    • 2023 Nominees
    • 2022 Winners and Nominees
    • 2021 Wiinners
    • 2020 Winners
    • 2019 Winners
    • Good Furry Theme Song
  • Advertise
  • About
  • Gifts
  • Testimonials
  • Fan Art
  • Resources
  • Ask Papabear

Porn Addiction Has a Negative Impact on Real Sex Life

9/18/2014

5 Comments

 
(Note to readers: this letter is pretty racy—a là Dr. Ruth Westheimer--and I would not advise younger readers to continue)

Dear Papabear,

How can I get a grip on my sexuality?

Since I was a teenager, I have been looking at porn to let out my sexual frustrations. While I have heard about studies that talk about how porn can impact sexual growth, I have a problem that might have come from it. 

One, I dont find anyone attractive. While I might be overthinking what being attracted to someone is, I have never had that, "I want to f*** you" impulse with anyone I have run across. 

I guess it could mean I am asexual, but I dont know since I still get turn on by porn. But I still feel like I have to force myself to be turned on when the actors look too made up or characters in it are drawn weirdly.

Thanks for the help.

Snowcanine (age 22)

* * *

Dear Snowcanine,

This is an excellent and relevant question in our Internet era, and I thank you for posing it. Cutting to the chase, no, I don’t think you are asexual. Your problem is simply that you watch too much porn.

One can compare pornography to drug use. As with a drug like crack cocaine, it stimulates the pleasure centers of the brain. After using crack for a long time, users notice that each hit has less of a result. They try using more of it, but eventually the brain becomes desensitized to this stimulation, and even though you are addicted to the drug, it doesn’t have the same impact.

The same goes for pornography. And here comes your timeliness, Snowcaine. The Journal of the American Medical Association Psychiatry published a study in the July 2014 issue in which it was shown that men who watch more than 4 hours a week of porn have less brain activity in the area associated with sexual stimulation than men who watch little or no porn. These are men, like you, who are in the prime of life. Many of them—about half—lose interest in having sex with real sexual partners. They find that the only way they can still get aroused is by viewing Internet porn.

The other issue besides duration is content. Online porn—and most especially furry online porn—raises expectations of sex to the most unrealistic highs ever. Pictures and animations of incredible fantasy creatures with huge sexual organs who are able to eject copious amounts of semen that could drown a horse overstimulate the mind. Then, when you get into bed with an actual human being, you’re like, “Why aren’t your breasts the size of weather balloons?” or “Why isn’t your penis bigger than your torso?” You get disappointed and, therefore, unaroused.

My first suggestion to you, then, is to ease off the porn. Keep it down to, say, an hour a week.

The other thing you can do is try to bring up the level of eroticism in real life. Is your real-world sexual activity pretty vanilla? There are all sorts of things you can do regarding role play. Of course, there is the furry practice of fursuit sex, for one. You can try toys, faux bondage (e.g., fake fur-lined handcuffs), electrical stimulation devices (vibrators, wands, e-stim kits), experiment with lotions and oils (keep them very warm; cold lotion is not as fun), edible costumes, body paint, slings, rim seats, the works (one thing about the sexual accessory industry is they pretty much have everything and anything you can think of). Don’t forget to pay attention to all of your senses. Internet porn can stimulate your visual and auditory senses, but it does nothing for smell, touch, and, yes, taste (try flavored lubes, whipped cream, etc).

Use your imagination. Role play. When you get your real-life game to the same creative level as the online porn, your problem will be solved.

Have Fun! Oh, and remember what my buddy Critter always says: remember to practice safe sex!

Papabear
5 Comments
Critter link
9/18/2014 10:22:30 am

Hey! No fair beating me to the punch! :D

One more really wild thing you might try (and I won't ask how Papabear knows about all that 'stuff' lol) is being affectionate with your partner. You know, snuggling, sharing meals, spending the night together. Morning time can be a great opportunity for a little rumpy-bumpy...

Reply
Papabear
9/18/2014 03:47:32 pm

Affection and cuddling are always nice, of course, but the subject at paw in this case was arousal and the problems of Internet porn. Our letter writer was not having a problem because he was watching too many cuddling videos. There is nothing wrong with eroticism, as long as it is kept in its time and place :-3

Reply
Critter link
9/19/2014 04:16:45 am

Great discussion - it highlights how we are all different. I was referring to erotica in my comment. Physical affection can be very arousing, for me more so than a sling. I think it can also ameliorate the effects of online porn, from what I have seen of online videos showing any non-genital contact is rare if it exists at all.

Different strokes for different folks, and for someone who finds themselves not being sexually attracted to people trying different things seems like a good idea.

Papabear
9/22/2014 11:49:11 pm

You're right again, Critter. Indeed, there are other ways to be aroused that don't involve genitalia.

Reply
Critter link
9/24/2014 10:18:58 am

I think your point about erotica is important. Especially here in the US we live in a sex-negative environment and seems to me there's way too much guilt about it.

Yiff on!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Go to Papabear's Facebook page

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Addiction
    Art And Literature
    Careers
    Coming Out Furry
    Crime And The Law
    Editorial
    Family Issues
    Friends Issues
    Furry Definition
    Furry Issues (other)
    Fursonas
    Fursuiting
    Health
    Illness And Death Issues
    LGBT And Gender Issues
    Loneliness Depression Anger
    Love And Relationships
    Money
    Odd And Ends
    Politics
    Religion And Spirituality
    Roommates
    School Life
    Self Improvement
    Sexuality And Sex
    Social Networking
    Work And The Workplace

    Picture
    Picture
    An excellent article on coming out LGBT to Christian parents.
    Picture
    My Rainbow Ark is a site for and about LGBT furries and religion and how they are not incompatible.

    Picture
    A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.

Home

Letters

Write Me

Disclaimer

About

Copyright © 2012-2023