I have not had a mate for 10 years, and ever since 2015 has begun my life took a hard drop. I’ve always had depression, but because I was turning 18 my parents had been on my case to find somebody. That on top of many other things put me in a real low place in life. After my birthday in April I started searching inside myself, I finally realized I was bi; however, the way I was raised, Southern Baptist, I just tried to act otherwise, like it was a phase. But I’ve always been interested in both guys and girls. I’ve been doing RP for sometime now, and in June, I was taking a nap and my mother got into my phone, and she read through one of them (which just so happened to be male on male) so she went the whole day acting funny and when I confronted her about how she was acting (angry) and had no reason to be that way, she said, “Yes, I do,” and went on to explain how she went through my phone and then asked if I was gay. My response to her was no (I was still unsure of my sexuality at the time), but then she went on to explain how if I was gay how God would punish me for it and how I haven’t been saved (baptized).
Since figuring myself out, I’ve come out to my three closest friends, and I have found a mate. We had been talking for some time, and developed feelings for each other, and after being completely oblivious to his attempts to make it obvious, we were talking about a dream I had (doing some things with someone I could’ve had a chance with). He started acting a little “strange” and when I asked what was wrong he told me he had a crush on someone. Needless to say, I finally caught on and I told him about my feelings for him. Some time later that night, I asked him if he would be willing to try and make a long-distance relationship with me work. I was so happy when he said yes, and he is the best thing in my life. He makes me happy, and we’re both Christian.
He is the only thing that’s really made me happy this year, and I was already planning on a trip next summer to get out the stress around here, so I’ll be visiting him. My parents know of the planned trip. When they ask where I'll be going, I just say, “I don’t know where I’ll be going yet.” I would like to tell my mom. I know she already suspects something, but she’s very religious and I’m afraid of how she’ll react. I used to think she was open-minded, but she’s not. If things stay good with my mate and I after I get back, I want to tell her. I don’t care what my father thinks; he just wanted a son to carry on a name. So how should I go about telling my extremely religious parents that I’m not only bisexual, but that I’m dating a gay Christian?
Rodor Wolf (age 18)
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There is an epidemic in America called the Christian Right. These are people who believe they are Christians, but they actually are not. Anyone who says God will hate you because you are gay is not a true Christian. God is about love, not hatred. Anyone who would hate their own son just because of his sexual orientation is a poor excuse for a parent.
Papabear gets letters like yours all the time, and, frankly, it’s giving me a bellyache. I am so sickened by parents who treat their own offspring like crap just because they are gay, or bi, or a lesbian, or trans, or furry.
To these parents, Papabear says, “Shame on all of you!” I’ve seen mothers and fathers treat their convicted murdering sons with more compassion and love than I see you people treating your perfectly kind and loving children who happen to be homosexual, and I am highly offended by you people. I believe in a loving, kind, and forgiving God. I’m not sure where all this hatred came from, but if I believed in Satan, I would say that you have all suckled the thick, black oils out of his venomous penis.
Strong words? You bet. I’m putting my bear paw down on this attitude right now.
It makes this bear sad, too, that the Christian Right give all Christians a bad name, because I know quite a few real Christians whom I have told I am gay and who have welcomed me with open arms. I wish they were more vocal. We need to hear their voices.
Thank you for indulging me a rant, Rodor.
Now, to answer you. Thank goodness you are 18 and are entitled to live your own life now. And I am overjoyed that you have found a loving partner and I pray that both of you can have a wonderful life together.
How do you tell your parents? There is no way to tell prejudiced, closed-minded people that you are bi or gay and have them accept you. You could point them to the Bible, even, and show them that there is not a single page in it in which Jesus says he hates homosexuals or that they should all go to hell or that His Father will hate them. This kind of invective comes only from homophobic preachers who probably need to get laid really badly, and since their sex lives stink they take it out on gay people. Another reason preachers and other right-wing activists do this is because they are actually having gay sex themselves and are trying to hide it behind a mask that portrays them as anti-gay.
Your parents, sadly, have bought into the hoax of hatred, much of which is perpetrated for political and financially selfish reasons. Why do people do this? Because they are afraid of anything that is different. They are afraid of things that challenge their preconceptions. And people react to fear by becoming hateful as a defense, even if that hate is aimed at their own kids.
It makes this bear cry.
Now you have a difficult task ahead of you, Rodor, and I’m sorry for you that you have to do this. In order to be happy, you will need to be yourself. I can tell you from experience that hiding it is going to make you absolutely miserable. You know, clearly, you have to tell your parents. The best advice I can give you is to hold off until you can make this announcement from a position of strength. That is, you will need to become independent of them so that they cannot manipulate you effectively with the threat of cutting you off financially and kicking you out of the house. A sad fact is that the number of homeless teens kicked out of their homes by families because they are gay is on the rise in America, and you don’t want to add to that number.
Wait until you are comfortable and situated so that you can live on your own, if needed, or with a roommate or perhaps your boyfriend (hope that works for you).
When you are ready, just tell them. Sounds like your mom will then tell you you are going to Hell. So be it. You are not responsible for her being so narrow-minded. Don’t be angry with her, though. Just say that you are sorry she feels that way but you disagree and believe in a loving God and there are many people like you who are gay and Christian. In fact, there are entire organizations filled with them, just like this one. Perhaps your mom needs to reread Matthew 7:1. Has she even read the Bible? Sometimes, with these right-wing people, I wonder....
I wish you well. I’m sorry I could not be more helpful, but maybe these words are a comfort.
A person once asked me, in a provocative manner, if I approved of homosexuality. I replied with another question: "Tell me: when God looks at a gay person, does He endorse the existence of this person with love, or reject and condemn this person?" We must always consider the person.
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