Papabear Got It Wrong

Dear Readers,

I told you furs that Papabear wasn't perfect, and yesterday's response to a letter is an example. But I will certainly admit when I am wrong and revise my opinion! 

As an explanation, not an excuse, I will just say that I had a knee-jerk response because it reminded me of a disturbing chapter in my own life, although that was not a matter of consensual incest. Yesterday's writer talked about a consensual sexual relationship with his aunt. I pointed out merely that it was, technically, illegal (in all states except Michigan and Rhode Island) and he should knock it off. I later pointed out in a response to another reader, Critter (thanks, buddy!), that such a relationship would likely wreak havoc within the furry's family and possibly lead to other problems, also noting that the relationship was likely inspired by lusty hormones and the opportunity of having access to a woman living alone in her home.

That all aside, Critter noted that just because something is illegal doesn't make it wrong (citing the Civil Rights movement against racist laws and practices), also adding that just because some people think it's "creepy" doesn't mean it's bad. Agreed on both counts.

Next, my mate, Yogi, chimed in, saying, "Don't assume that because she's his aunt that they are blood relations. She might be an aunt by marriage. She also might not be that much older than the writer." I bow to his sage insights.

So, let's sum up. Is he doing something wrong? Is the aunt doing something wrong? Well, the writer is 19 years old, so he is of legal age. The aunt, too, obviously. Technically, what they are doing is illegal in Washington state, but cases of incest are very rarely prosecuted, even between much closer relations such as a man and his sister. Could their relationship damage the family? No doubts there, unless the family is incredibly open-minded, but maybe that doesn't matter if they are so absolutely in love they don't mind some anger from family members. 

I am concerned, though, about how much of this relationship is love and how much is simply lust. Critter and I both agree a little cooling off period might be wise so that they can both consider their motives for having sex with each other.

But, if they decide after a little break that they want to continue with their relationship, as my mate said, "Meh! What do I care?" That really should be up to them, and Papabear apologizes for letting his personal emotions on the subject get in the way of offering objective advice on this particular matter.

Returning to the writer's original question: "When is it normal? Is it common?" My answer would be that it is not very common, but that doesn't mean it is wrong. Is it normal? Oh, geez, after writing answers to over 400 letters in the past year-plus, I can honestly say there is no such thing as "normal." There is such a thing as "socially acceptable," but normal? No, just no. And when in doubt, I can always rely on the wisest advice I know from Wicca: If you are not hurting anyone, do what you will.

The writer doesn't care, in the end, whether it is "right" or "wrong." He just wants to be with his aunt. It makes him happy and her, too, evidently. For now, at least, perhaps that is enough.

Papabear