Dear papa bear,
You told me to keep you updated on how things were going with me so…here it is.
In short? Not well. My mental state has deteriorated since I last emailed you about my struggle with depression and while some things in my life have improved, many have not. Some have even worsened. I'll try to summarize best I can to avoid a long, boring wall 'o text.
There are other little things like my complete lack of self-esteem or self-image but I feel this has gone on long enough. I have no idea how to fix what's wrong with me, I cannot go a single day without a fantasy popping in my head involving killing myself and/or others.
I may be able to tell you all this in an email but I have had no such luck actually talking to someone about it. I'm terrified of the ramifications psych help could cause to my reputation and/or career.
Please, how can I do this? Every day it feels like I'm closer and closer to just snapping, my temper has gotten so much worse and I've harboured more and more dark thoughts.
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[Note to readers: you can see previous letters and my replies to Towyn here and here http://www.askpapabear.com/1/post/2012/09/conservative-furry-is-tired-of-being-yelled-at.html]
I’m sorry to hear you have had a setback. Last time you wrote me, you were feeling better about things. You don’t mention in your letter whether or not you have tried the things I recommended, including 1) exercising and trying to live a healthier lifestyle, 2) contacting a suicide hotline, 3) exploring the option of a military career, which can help toward school, 4) exploring local government education programs, 5) exploring your spiritual life.
I would also add, since I didn’t do this the last time, that you could contact Boys Town (http://www.boystown.org/) which offers free online counseling and other help. I think it’s a crime that your mother has turned a deaf ear toward your needs. Usually, the problem is a child NOT talking to a parent when he or she needs help, but in this case you ARE reaching out to your mom and she has brushed you off. Pardon me for saying so, but that is a bad mother you have there. She should be ashamed of herself.
As for your political opinions, we addressed that as well in a previous letter. What are your feelings about what I said at that time?
Have you tried any of my suggestions, repeated above? I cannot help you if you are unwilling to help yourself. Helping yourself takes some effort. There are no magic wands or miracle elixirs I can give you. You need to try some or all of the above in order to make your life better.
I hope you will. Good luck!
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