Papabear Can't Help You If You Don't Try to Help Yourself

Dear papa bear,

You told me to keep you updated on how things were going with me so…here it is. 

In short? Not well. My mental state has deteriorated since I last emailed you about my struggle with depression and while some things in my life have improved, many have not. Some have even worsened. I'll try to summarize best I can to avoid a long, boring wall 'o text. 

• I'm 24 and still live at home, no plan at all for my future has panned out.
• I'm work a terrible job that I feel obligated to stay at because I've never made this much money before even though I can be fired at any time for any reason.
• Whenever I talk about getting professional help my mother tells me I'm just looking for an easy way out and that I need to solve my own problems. It's working great so far [sarcasm]
• I have no clue what I want to do with my life other than a pipe dream and it seems that I'm getting too old to even make that work out. 
• I have no education other than a GED and I'm not particularly skilled or talented in anything. 
• I share very little in common with most of my friends, leaving me to spent a good chuck of my time in an imaginary world where I get to enjoy the things I like. 
• I'm constantly privy to just how much people hate me for my opinions, whether it be political, philosophical, or otherwise. Case in point, I recently discovered the Objectivist philosophy of Ayn Rand and found it really rang true to me. I have since been told that only mentally ill people follow it(by a furry of course)

There are other little things like my complete lack of self-esteem or self-image but I feel this has gone on long enough. I have no idea how to fix what's wrong with me, I cannot go a single day without a fantasy popping in my head involving killing myself and/or others.

I may be able to tell you all this in an email but I have had no such luck actually talking to someone about it. I'm terrified of the ramifications psych help could cause to my reputation and/or career. 

Please, how can I do this? Every day it feels like I'm closer and closer to just snapping, my temper has gotten so much worse and I've harboured more and more dark thoughts. 

-Towyn

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Hi, Towyn,

[Note to readers: you can see previous letters and my replies to Towyn here and here http://www.askpapabear.com/1/post/2012/09/conservative-furry-is-tired-of-being-yelled-at.html]

I’m sorry to hear you have had a setback. Last time you wrote me, you were feeling better about things. You don’t mention in your letter whether or not you have tried the things I recommended, including 1) exercising and trying to live a healthier lifestyle, 2) contacting a suicide hotline, 3) exploring the option of a military career, which can help toward school, 4) exploring local government education programs, 5) exploring your spiritual life.

I would also add, since I didn’t do this the last time, that you could contact Boys Town (http://www.boystown.org/) which offers free online counseling and other help. I think it’s a crime that your mother has turned a deaf ear toward your needs. Usually, the problem is a child NOT talking to a parent when he or she needs help, but in this case you ARE reaching out to your mom and she has brushed you off. Pardon me for saying so, but that is a bad mother you have there. She should be ashamed of herself.

As for your political opinions, we addressed that as well in a previous letter. What are your feelings about what I said at that time?

Have you tried any of my suggestions, repeated above? I cannot help you if you are unwilling to help yourself. Helping yourself takes some effort. There are no magic wands or miracle elixirs I can give you. You need to try some or all of the above in order to make your life better.

I hope you will. Good luck!

Papabear