Dear Readers,
Here's a switch: Papabear is going to ask you for advice and input on something that happened to him that has him quite upset. A couple months ago, I was staying with friends in another state, trying to resolve a business issue. They were kind enough to take me in and save me the hotel expense. Also, one of them had a car and was nice and let me drive it on occasion. Anyone who has rented a car lately knows how much money they cost, even for a few days. Noticing that the tires were all bald (and knowing that my friends had no money to spare for repairs--none), in appreciation I took the car to a garage and had four brand new General tires (guaranteed for 75,000 miles, so good ones) put on and paid for an alignment, too. I took the car back and presented my gift, which I thought was appreciated. Today, months later, I found out that it was not appreciated. The owner of the car is apparently pissed at me for doing work on the car without asking first. So, my question to you, dear readers: was I out of line? Was I presumptuous? I thought it would be a nice surprise (I, personally, enjoy good surprises), but I guess it was not. Thanks for your thoughts. --Papabear
16 Comments
Richard C
8/15/2012 08:59:46 am
In my opinion, the car's owner doesn't know how to accept a gift. As long as the tires were the right ones for the car and nothing was damaged and no warranties were voided, I'd say you did a good thing.
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Richard C
8/15/2012 09:19:11 am
Also.. It's been years since I priced out new tires and an alignment, but that's what, $300 worth of work? Heck, that's the cost of a rental car and probably a bit more. I'd say they should be very grateful. But - I also suggest that you talk to your friend and try to get at the root of why he didn't appreciate the gift, as "Not asking first" sounds kinda weak in the face of not having money to maintain the car.
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Papabear
8/15/2012 11:55:37 am
No, I've talked on this and "not asking for permission first" is the only reason.
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Papabear
8/15/2012 11:58:28 am
$400, including the alignment, which was a good deal on tires that would have cost me $600 otherwise (I spotted a sale). And they were professionally installed by American Tire, so I am not worried about that part. They are warrantied
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8/15/2012 09:46:06 am
I agree with Richard C. If you gave me a gift like that, I'd love you for eternally. Your heart is no doubt always in the right place. With prices of anything today, I will always appreciate anything that could help me cover the costs due to my little or no stable income. But as Richard stated... talk to your friend, because the "not asking first" reaction, does indeed sounds like a converted version of what's actually bothering him/her. Maybe jealousy? I'm not making any conclusions but just a suggestion of assuming thought from my own personal experiences. But I could be totally wrong. Bottom line, you have an awesome heart. I hope you guys could work this out.
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Papabear
8/15/2012 11:59:15 am
Thank you :-3
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Bluewolf
8/15/2012 11:21:28 am
The passive aggressive behavior would be the only concern in this case for myself as the "issue" should have been dealt with at the time rather then a stewing issue over time, which may provide insight to the mindset of the individual in question. Regardless while you arguably 'did the right thing' a line was crossed. The aspect of personal property is one aspect of it as his plans were not known to you at the time. There also is the question of 'accepting charity' or feeling indebted to you. Quite probably to him he 'did you a favor' as a friend, having the space and lacking need to use the transportation at the time it was a simple task to offer and help you in a difficult situation. To him however you have not reciprocated but placed him in your debt financially. Asking and even 'arguing' to return the favor of his kindness would have been one thing that would give him the perception of having negotiated and if he still refused it would be of the utmost importance to respect his decision. Not passing judgement on a kindness provided, but there is always other points of view which should always be weighed.
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Papabear
8/15/2012 11:57:00 am
Thanks, Bluewolf, but this furry has never has a problem taking charity before. I have, in the past, also paid to have his power steering fixed, bought him new eyeglasses, and let him stay in my home for six months free.
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Richard C
8/15/2012 12:15:56 pm
Hmm. In that case, having previously taken bona-fide charity from you in the past, he obviously has no issues with accepting help that I can see. I hope you've explained to him that it was meant to be a gift on your part, a way of repaying his kindness and the use of his house and car, not some kind of "I have money and you don't" (In the bad, show off way) or "Your car sucked so much I thought I was going to die on those bald tires".
Rumtar D. Liger
8/15/2012 12:50:09 pm
I would have done the same and help them out. They was in the wrong for being upset.
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Eyon
8/15/2012 02:10:39 pm
Honestly, I see you did nothing wrong. I think they're just ungreatful and you deserve a thanks and not an aditude
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Paw
8/15/2012 05:11:53 pm
Have you reasoned with him that if something had happen to you while the car was in an unsafe condition and damage to you and the car taken place, how would he have felt about that then? Granted, nothing happened, thank goodness!
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Paw
8/15/2012 05:12:59 pm
Who knows......Just a thought!
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Papabear
8/16/2012 02:49:36 am
Yes, I definitely told him it was because I was fearful a tire would blow and cause an accident. You are quite correct that this furry has many issues and, frankly, I think he is going a little stir crazy.
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Walrusly
8/19/2012 09:37:21 am
Maybe the guy is a little too possessive and has the need to feel in control of all he owns. I know a few people who get irked with having others "messing with their stuff". I think my theory could get contradicted with him being able to lend you his car but not accepting having you service it, but that comes to me as a reason for his reaction. Sorry for being late to this.
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Well, as a wise bear once said, "Communication is key." :)
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