I saw that you helped out furries out so I thought maybe you could help me out as well. I don't normally like to talk to people about my feelings, but I'm worried that I may make a decision I'll regret with something that is happening to me. Two years ago I met this great furry that lived only an hours’ drive away from me. We became fast friends, and before I knew it I had fallen in love with her (we are both mtf [male-to-female] transgirls). After about 6 months of being friends we tried to date, but it didn't last long with both of us being submissives and always yiffy—sorry if that's TMI. Anyway, We stayed friends, but a few months after that I guess I did some things to really hurt her and ruined our friendship and she never wanted to talk to me or see me again.
I moved away a few months ago, and then out of the blue just a month ago she watched me on FurAffinity and added me to skype and was talking to me again. I guess this is where the question comes in: I still have feelings for her. I still love her, but I'm scared of ruining anything and making her not want to talk to me again. What do you think I should do? Hoping to hear from you soon, and thank you in advance.
~Ashley Raccoon (age 22)
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May I ask for a little more detail in your letter that may help with my reply? Specifically, what happened (what did you do) that harmed the friendship in the first place? Did you discuss it at all? Are you discussing it now as you try to mend your friendship?
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To answer your questions, She did tell me a few reasons why the friendship ended. She told me that my anxiety was so high that it was causing her own anxiety to shoot through the roof and she felt like she was going to have a panic attack around me, but we are both on anxiety medication now, so that's been handled. I haven't brought anything up since she added me on Skype and Yahoo and watched me on FA, but I think the friendship is being mended.
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Well, then, it doesn’t sound as if this is a matter of your saying something that offended her, but rather the fact that you are both anxious people. As you say, if you can both mellow out, perhaps the friendship may be restored.
Papabear is not a big fan of mood-altering medications. I find they are often overprescribed by doctors who want to treat the symptoms and not the causes; sadly, too, many doctors get prescription kickbacks from pharmaceutical companies. It all depends on whether you have a good or a bad doctor, which is why it is so important to carefully choose a family physician. Doctors often don’t address what is causing your anxiety in the first place. There are a couple of possibilities. One could be an actual chemical imbalance, which would, indeed, be helped by medication. However, another cause could be psychological in that you might both be dealing with emotional and mental issues that, frequently, stem from something happening in your childhood. Such cases are best treated by a psychologist or psychiatrist.
The other is dietary. The more I learn about what the American food industry is doing to us for the sake of quick profits, the more disgusted I become. Things like high fructose corn syrup, aspartame, and (they finally admit) transfats are horrible for our health, not only physically but often emotionally and mentally, too.
I am not saying stop taking your medications, since I am not a doctor, but I will suggest you avoid the following foods as much as possible:
All of these have been shown to increase body stress and anxiety. The reason I also highly recommend avoiding any foods with aspartame artificial sweetener, which is commonly found in diet sodas and many other diet products, is because you often won’t hear about this from doctors because neither the FDA nor the AMA has condemned this poison as they should. Other artificial sweeteners, such as sucralose, are not so great either. For a low-cal sweetener, I recommend stevia (sometimes sold under the brand name Truvia™) because it comes from a natural herb and chemical companies hate it and have tried to get the government to ban it.
In addition to diet, you might find exercise, yoga, and/or meditation to be helpful for your anxiety disorders.
I hope that if you and your friend can both control your anxiety issues, you may enjoy your friendship much more.
Good luck! Bear hugs!
A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.